Hey Y'all

[use*gloves]

I am new here, thanks for accepting me. I really wanted the user name "Let me introduce you to my little friend", but the computer can't type in a bad Cuban accent "Mang"

I know I am not the only one with this curse, as a sweet girl passed it along to me. I never discussed this with anybody or shared it with partners as my first few forays into being honest  were humiliating. I was married 8 years and in another relationship for about the same. Had I passed it along to my wife, she would have most likely killed me, literally. After dating off and on 4 years, I thought she was cool and wanted to marry her. Her instability, temper and drug use she kept under wraps until a month or so after "I do", is why were are not an item now.

This is not a forum for bitching about ex's......moving on.

I am a 35 year "veteran".

Slowly I am purging the mental train wreck that is associated with contracting herpes. I know when the OB is coming, I feel like I've been severely kicked in the groin for a couple of days prior. I always found humor in the irony of how appropriate that discomfort was.

A few years after getting this curse, I met a girl I really liked. We were both in our mid 20's. We were inseparable and I even hemorrhaged money for one of those huge 'new' cellular telephones so we could stay in touch when I was out of town. Getting back home and "catching up" included her "catching" what I had. I was devastated, I wanted to end my life painfully, like stepping in front of a subway car, but that involves hurting more people for my misdeed. I moved, changed my phone number and withdrew from society for about 5 years.

I always considered this curse and the outbreaks as a painful reminder of my youthful indiscretions and to choose the path forward carefully. About 3 years ago, I got a new GP. I had an OB when he was performing an annual physical. Our post exam discussion involved Valtrex (or the generic). I explained I must pay for my stupidity and the outbreaks were my atonement. He basically called me an idiot and insisted I try valcyclovir. I only got outbreaks every year or two prior to the medicine, it seemed the curse was as tired as me or so I assumed.

I tried riding the "blue pony" for 2 years and all was well. Often working in remote locations, I ran out of the medicine during a surprise extended mission and I had a steady stream of outbreaks for about 6 weeks. Let me tell you how wonderful a body safety harness is to wear during my "special time". My occasional shrieks from pain I passed off with "just getting too old for this" and "pain is weakness leaving the body". ))

The mountains, remote islands and the Arctic Circle are where I generally work. There,  nature doesn't care about your story. You respect nature, it respects you. The locations are magnificent and peaceful, if nothing else, it's freedom for the soul.

I have been single for about 10 years. I met a stunning beauty while on vacation in Dubai a few years ago. I restrain from intimacy as I just want my little bottle of happiness to last before it inevitably will get broken and be gone from my life. We have been exchanging emails, Skype, a visit to each other and I have yet to "let go of her" and tell her. She is much younger and full of life, however I live a life of "crisis of conscience" with her, behind her back. She wants to get married but I explain that difference in our ages, which she spurns as "just numbers" have consequences like: I'll be dead long before her. I don't want herpes to be my legacy to her.

It's a struggle, life goes on. Take the pills or whatever works for you to quell the curse. Forgive yourself because somebody else's lack of consideration is not your fault. If you do nothing else, do what is required for your own happiness. It's not going to be easy, nothing worth having is easy (see: "it's a struggle"). Everything gets easier with time, even living with this virus

I'm eager to participate and if I can answer questions, don't hesitate to ask. I don't always have answers but I have experienced enough challenges and FU's in life, that I may have some tidbit of knowledge that you may find useful.

Thanks for your time everybody.

 

 

[beBravebeBOLD]

Thanks for your story. I am happy for you to be breaking the chains of bondage that our little friend H has had for you, and I can relate too because after 16 years of being bogged down by this virus I’m not doing it anymore! I say that knowing I have good days and bad, but my good is getting very good and my bad ehh is something I try and shrug off.. my situation is a little different for the past 5 years I’ve refrained from dating but within the last year I’ve maintained a connection and have avoided sex and I disclosed because I just wanted to know if I should keep this up.  Anyways my friend has t left and wants to stick it out, but I haven’t been able to tell him that I don’t think I’d be able to engage in sex ever again without a high risk (which I don’t want to take). I’m afraid to pass this virus because I’d feel awful even though o know it wasn’t meant.  I think that’s such a sucky thing for H+ tonhave to deal with. It’s like we never asked for it but then again we feel so bad to ever pass it that we would take ourselves out of the field completely.  I don’t even know if I could engage even if he said he didn’t care about the risk,because I know just how pesty and bad this virus can be.   I imagine a perfect relationship without sex. But then thinkbto myeslf what man would want to be ina relationship were sex wasn’t on the table!?? Men cheat for not getting enough sex and here I am (seemingly the full package) and can’t even satisfy my man.  Am I supposed to be with someone and allow them to cheat? Idk idk.