HELP! I need a buddy

[dilemmagirl]

I need someone who will slap me whenever I feel negative about this H thing. I've had it for 2 years..I didn't have an outbreak 18 months after the first one. Suddenly on Dec. 2012, I felt itchy down there and my GYN confirmed that it was an outbreak (but she didn't do any tests). Since then, every time I feel something down there..my heart pounds like it's gonna explode..my mind spins thinking all the causes possible in this world. I mean, I get really nervous and anxious. Ever since I relocated here in the US, I always feel something. My mom, who is in Asia, keeps on telling me that it is all in my head. I check it almost everyday just to make sure there's no vesicle somewhere down there. Am I going crazy? :( I try my best to see the good in this every single day. I did some extraordinary things after I got H. I moved halfway across the world to realize my dream! Maybe this hypochondriac side of mine is heightened because I am so far away from my mom and sister (I've never been this far from them). When I read the posts of other people here, I give positive advice..but when it comes to myself it is just so hard..I try..but there is this little voice inside my head telling me there is something wrong with my body :( What do I need to do? :(

[mr_hopp]

First off, nobody is going to slap you. :) I say that as a joke, but also as a loving reminder that healing doesn't happen when we shame and judge ourselves. Remember that sometimes being positive can be its own way of denial or numbing out to feeling the sadness that's there right under the surface. It's not about avoiding the uncomfortable/sad/angry feelings. It's about feeling everything while accepting yourself. I'm curious, what is wrong with your body?

[dilemmagirl]

I think everything is wrong :( ever since I got H..I just think that everything I feel, example a little itch..a little tummy ache..headache..colds..are all connected to me having H :( I am going nuts! I mean there is always something that I feel physically and I think it's H..when I got my 2nd outbreak back in December, I was shattered to pieces..I didn't feel anything for 18 months and then it happened again..I felt itchy all the time after that..I told my doctor there's a vesicle there..she kept on looking but there was nothing..although she didn't order a blood test anymore..she said if I don't stop acting like that (I'm like in her clinic every week and I text her) she will refer me to a psychiatrist for counseling! Well, here I am miles away from home and my family..feeling itchy all the time..sometimes, I think something is there but there really isn't..like today! I think there is something..touched it and it's not painful at all..the skin is not broken..but there's tingling when I am not doing anything..am I a weirdo??? :( I know I will look again later and torture myself :(

[mr_hopp]

You're not a weirdo, just seems that you're creating a lot of suffering for yourself. I'm not a doctor, so maybe your itching is something clinical, but from all my knowledge and experience around herpes, herpes doesn't cause that kind of constant itching. It sounds just by how you've described it that it is psychosomatic. Your mind and how much it's worrying might actually be having you feel that much more sensitively. Self-acceptance is sometimes the healing that can occur to make many of the "symptoms" of a herpes diagnosis go away because those self-defeating thoughts go away. I look forward to being able to support you along with the rest of our group for the group coaching calls.

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1235/whos-interested-in-group-coaching/p1