He is distant. What can I do

[tomorrow]

I was just diagnosed with hsv 2 three weeks ago. But I more likely have it more than 10 years. I always have symptoms but never realize it’s herpes because it was very mild, 1-3 times a year only, and I had no idea what herpes is at all. I did a lot of research and realized it’s a virus with me forever. But I am not worrying for my heath at all because I knew what it is, not that bad at all. After a lot of thinking,  I decided to take suppression treatment because I want to try my best to protect my one year boyfriend who I love deeply. He didn’t know what I was through. I terribly worry that he will leave me because of this. But I knew I would not hide from him. I waited a day so I could tell him in person. Surprisedly, he was calm (he is a calm person) and knew about herpes. He said he once dated a girl who had severe cold sore. And he was terrified that time so he did research and learned herpes. He said he was not scared now but concern for me and appreciate my honesty. I was very touched and grateful and felt blessed. I suggested him to have a test because there is still small chance he might be infected by me though he has no symptoms.  He said he would. We had sex the next morning, with condom. The whole day he acted normal. However 2 days after I back home he became distant by ignoring my messages. 3 days later, Friday, I texted him and asked if he did a test. He said he made appointment next Tuesday. And he didn’t respond my last message. I thought he need space. So I didn’t bother. In the next 10 days, he didn’t send me any message. And I was very sad and depressed and struggling.  I kind of have confidence that I didn’t infect him but I am still concerned. So I texted him and asked about his result. He told me he is negative. I am glad. And asked if he is still interested in going another event that we were planned a month ago. He asked me when I wanted to go. I told him coming weekend is a better time because they will close in two weeks. He said he prefers not to travel on fall weekends. So I proposed Friday or other days with question mark. He didn’t respond since. That was two days ago. 

I feel really sad and don’t know what to do. He is an introvert who doesn’t like to talk much and specially don’t like conversation over the phone.  We haven’t seen each other in three weeks and he seems not wanting to meet. And I don’t want to keep messaging him if he doesn’t want to reply either.  Maybe he already made decision but don’t know how to tell me. But I really don’t want to guess. And I don’t want to push him either.   I just want to know what he thinks but don’t know how to approach him. Anyone?  Please advise... I am so helpless 

[Amando]

Hi tomorrow

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this!

I have gone through exactly what you are going through at the moment & the pattern is fairly the same.

When I disclosed,  the girl seemed like she accepted it, had sex with me after disclosing & on at least 2 more occasions
but over a 2 week period, she started to change & got colder & colder.
Texts & calls become less & agreeing to meet me & then making excuses became the norm.

When I have read other peoples stories of rejection on here, it all seems so similar, it changes
over a 2 - 3 week spell, maybe that's the time it takes the person to digest the situation.

If they chose not to be with you, then they are not the person you hoped they were.
Believe me, I'm not sure I believe that above sentence as I thought she was the special one,
but I guess the proof is how they act, as we are still the same human beings they knew & liked,
only we have an annoying skin condition.

You need to let him come to you, stop texting him & if he does not bother texting, start to move on!
I know its horrible but I held on too long & it wasn't good for my well being!

I'm so sorry cos I know how much it hurts, wish you the best of luck, hugs!

 

[tomorrow]

Thank you Amando 

Your words are very kind. I really appreciate it! Dating is hard. It is even harder with herpes.  I was thinking of sending him a text message and asking if he acts distant because of my hsv 2. Because I wanted to know the truth so bad.  After reading your reply, I’m now thinking maybe you are right that I should stop texting him and just wait for him coming to me when he wants. Hopefully he will. He is that kind of guy who shuts down with any confrontation or emotional situations.  

But he once said if I have complaints about him I should use logical and concise argument and give him time to process. And because of this, I also think  maybe I should let him know that I feel very hurt and tortured while he ignores me instead of informing me what is going on. 

 I am honestly don’t know. Maybe I will just be waiting no matter how hard it is. I  pray that God will open his eyes and hearts so he could see the good qualities in me over this virus. 

I actually kind of believe that since I had it for so many years, the chance to infect my partner is much much less than the average. But I won’t use it to try to persuade anyone to stay with me, because it’s just my own analysis.

I hope you will feel better too and find your true love for your life soon.