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advice on how to tell someone I have herpes

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okay, so i just found out that i have herpes and i dont know exactly what to do about telling both guys ive slept with.


i told one person to get tested that it could be from but the other one which i only had sex with once i have no idea how to talk to him. the first guy i dated twice so we have a trust built up along with feelings for each other.


the second guy however, had sex with me at his party in which i was extremely drunk for. this guy is the typical i dont give a'f about anyone but myself, the bad boy, mr. popular -- you know the type.


i dont know how to tell him is why i need the advice. i know he's going to start blaming me and he might tell a lot of our friends or his family, which im also friends with. i dont want them to judge me or treat me any different, its just scary i dont want him to hurt me or anything if i gave it to him i dont know what i'll do, if i got it from him that wouldnt be as bad.


please just any advice on what to do...this is all overwhelming and terrifying at the same time :/

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  • 1 month later...

Hi lost,


Sorry that your post here got buried. I just now noticed that it was never answered. First off, have you downloaded the e-book on positive herpes disclosure? It has a lot of great perspective-shifters in there. Good place to start ... https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook 

Second of all, I hear that you're overwhelmed and terrified that he will tell others. And I also want to share something: Life in general is risky! Not only disclosing that you have herpes. Living your life to the fullest is risky. It requires us to step outside of our comfort zone sometimes. It requires us to do things in service of the kind of life we want. And we'll NEVER have absolutely no obstacles to overcome. If it weren't herpes, it'd be something else. Yes, disclosing to your guy might lead to him telling other people. Worst case scenario is okay to notice and be aware of, but please don't expect it. Then none of us would ever get anywhere! 🙂

This is not to downplay what you're feeling or to say that you *should* disclose to him. This is only to give you a more expansive perspective about it not just being about herpes. It's about how we engage with life and its obstacles.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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