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I dont know how to deal with this

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I'm 23 and just found out about 2 months ago that I got herpes from the guy I've been seeing for the last 6 months. I went to my obgyn for my well woman and it came back that I had come in contact with the virus so she had me do labs to find out for sure. She sent me my results in an email.. I was at work when I got it and pretty much had a complete breakdown. I had to not only tell the guy I'm seeing, who I really like, but I also had to tell one of my best guy friends who was the last person I had been with before. Thankfully my friend was clear because I don't think I would be able to live with knowing that I could have given it to him. But seriously though telling the guy I'm with was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.. to find out this diagnosis and have to tell someone I really like, all in one day, was horrible.. but I was just starting to be able to handle this all until last week when I had an outbreak. This has sucked so much and everyone keeps saying it will get better.. when does it?! Cuz this completely sucks! My first outbreak had me off work for most of a week and I had no idea that's what it even was..and last week I had to leave early 3 days in a row.. I hate missing work, it's not who I am. And what sucks even more is that I live with my entire family. And I've been dealing with this alone because they can never know about this. And I am alone in all of this it feels. I never get to see the guy I'm with cuz he's always working.. but I'm afraid he also may be avoiding me because of all of this. I don't think he is but I'm so insecure about myself with all of this. I'm scared that if I keep having outbreaks, and he doesn't, he's going to leave me. And what's worse though is since all of this happened.. I don't know where he and I stand anymore. I've only seen him once outside of work in the last almost 2 months. And I can't figure out what to say to him. And I have to go to work everyday with this constantly circling in my head and try to put on a smile and act like nothing is wrong and then at the end of the day I have to come home and do the same thing.. it's exhausting. I can't figure out how to deal with all of this. I'm so confused about this thing that I now have to deal with for the rest of my life. I keep reading online about it trying to understand it better and just keep getting more and more confused and scared.. I'm an emotional wreck and I just can't figure out how to deal with this.

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Hi LuckyCharms! Yes, it does get better. The longer you have herpes, the less outbreaks you have (both in severity and how often you have outbreaks). Your body is getting used to having this new virus, it'll take about 6 months until it can get it under control. And I hear that you feel like you can't deal with this and it's circling in your head. Now is the time to take care of yourself and not beat yourself up. You didn't do anything wrong and what's done is done. And if it's meant to be with this guy, he will stick around. If he's in it for just the sex, then maybe he will leave; then what? You'll be okay single or be able to find a man who will want to be with you for you. It's never the end of anything. It's always the beginning of something new, too. The more you allow yourself to sink into this new phase of your life, the more strength you will gather in yourself. It takes courage to come on this forum and be real about what you're going through. That is the first step to truly healing. The next step is to allow yourself to feel what you're feeling and accept yourself in that. It's all part of the process. It's okay to be confused and scared. Just don't judge yourself for being confused and scared. Don't beat yourself up for being emotional. It's your relationship to yourself that is being tested right now. And it's up to you how you choose to treat yourself. Even when you are sad and angry, you can treat yourself with the utmost compassion and respect, just like a good friend would. You'll get through this, I promise. And you will be stronger and more in touch with yourself as you continue down this path. It's a beautiful path if you let it be. And we're always here to support you ...


Here are a few blog posts that might help:










Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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Thank you so much for everything you said. I've been reading and rereading what you said and the blogs you posted. It's helped me see this diagnosis a new way. I've realized today that I have to learn to trust in not only myself but others as well.. which is something that's always been really hard for me. I have a few friends that I've told and they've all been really supportive and I guess I just have to remember that I'm not alone. And I realized that I was beating myself up for being emotional and that I shouldn't feel as bad as I did. It's comforting to know that what I was feeling was normal. I am confused though about how you know where you'll have an OB. My first ob was where I would expect it to be.. but this recent one was on my thigh closer to my knee.. is it normal for it to appear in different spots? Do I have to worry more about spreading it to someone else? I'm probably just being paranoid

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I'm glad you're starting to see this diagnosis in a new way. You don't deserve to suffer, especially when most of your suffering is self-induced. :) And yes, all of your emotions are normal ... and human! Notice where all of your judgments are coming from for feeling those feelings that are perfectly expected. All of the primary emotions — sadness, anger, fear and joy — are normal and natural. Everything else is piled on based on how we are interpreting these emotions. Guilt, shame and self-judgment are big ones that show up here. These experiences only show up after we interpret what we're feeling as wrong. These are the experiences we have control over based on what we are believing about ourselves and how we are treating ourselves.


As for your specific question about location of outbreaks, I tend to have them in exactly the same spot, but I have heard of others who have outbreaks in different areas. Just try not to touch the active outbreaks as herpes is most spreadable when there is actual visible blisters/sores. For more on spreading herpes, check out this blog article:


Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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