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I need to talk (how i got herpes)


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Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed with Genital Herpes on Monday. I’m 32.

I was married for 10 years. After my divorce, I was celibate for 2 years. No gynecological issues in these 12 years, just routine check-ups.

In October, I met a guy on tinder, we were getting along really well. And he seemed to be a very nice guy.

2 weeks later he came to my house. He lives in a different city and booked tickets to come spend the week-end with me.

I noticed that he had a small yellowish wound on the lip. He told me he put tea tree oil on it for it to heal. I didn’t ask any question as I was not familiar with herpes. How stupid of me, I cannot forgive myself for not saying anything. I feel so stupid. I remember he was really tired and told me all week that he was not feeling well. But he never mentioned herpes or anything about his health.
I didn’t say anything about it, we had protected vaginal sex but unprotected oral sex several times.

3 days into the week I started feeling an itch on my vulva, at the end of the week the pain was unbearable. It was burning so bad. I couldn’t even keep my underwear on or sleep under the sheets. I also had a lot of watery vaginal discharge. The gynecologist told me he didn’t think it was herpes (there were no blisters) but did a full STD and yeast infection screening including the HSV blood test.

I of course started researching about STDs and I found out about herpes transmission through oral sex. I asked my partner if the wound he had on his lips was herpes. He told me that he has labial herpes but that was not the case that time. He just hurt himself with a knife…🙄

The results came back positive for HSV1 IgG, negative for HSV2 and the IgM were also negative.

I was told by two doctors not to worry as lot of people were positive for HSV1. And I was treated for the yeast infection.

After two weeks I was feeling better but with still a slight discomfort that I still have to this day.

A month later I again spent the week-end with this guy and my symptoms came back and haven’t really left since then. It seems like it is getting worse.
4 months later, I now have leg pain, shooting pain in my vulva and anus. The skin around my anus and vulva is really dry all the time. Applying cream hasn’t fixed it.
Sometimes it is painful to walk (due to leg pain or genital pain).

As I was still not feeling well, I had another screening for STDs and infections. All came back negative. That’s when I understood it was herpes.

Another blood HSV test came back with the exact same results as the first time.

Doctors were starting to say it was all in my head until small papules appeared on my labia minora last week.
They were already healing when I saw the gynecologist but I showed him pictures, I took when I noticed the blisters.
He told me he thinks it is herpes and gave me valacyclovir.
I have not taken the treatment yet.
I suspect I also have herpetic esophagitis now because I’ve been having throat and stomach pain along with my genital symptoms and I don’t want the treatment to prevent the diagnosis.

I’m really sad, I haven’t been to work in days.
I will never forgive myself for not asking questions before sleeping with this guy. I feel like I’ve ruined my life by making this small but wrong decision. I could have asked questions about this wound on his lips but I didn’t say anything and neither did he!

He was really supportive while I was going through all the pain and stress of waiting for STD test results. He even took STD tests twice to reassure me. I contacted him after my diagnosis and he said maybe I got it from him as he sometimes has a blister on his lip but did not say anything about being on a full blown crisis when he had sex with me. I want to call him to ask him why he didn’t tell me he had herpes but he is ghosting me now. Not having answers to his behavior is making me even more angry and sad.

I think I would feel better if I was not in pain everyday but, the way it has been in the last 4 months, I feel like I’m falling into deep depression.

The doctor gave me antidepressant medication. I did not take it. I’m trying to get through this on my own but I’m devastated.


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dont beat yourself up. I do the same thing, but lack of education on the topic is what I believe was a key in me acquiring it. I thought I was vigilant against STD's and kind of thought Herpes was rare and there had to be oozing sores touch your skin for transmission which obviously was wrong. It just kind of happens to us regardless if you're safe or not, promiscuous or not. You did nothing wrong and you'll be ok.  Sadly the stigma is what is obnoxious but don't buy into that trash. 

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Thank you. I also thought i was vigilant about STDs but I really didn't know much about herpes. The worst is when i open my eyes in the morning and remember what has happenned. I then cry, I also cry when i get home in the evening. I leave a very lonely life ( my whole family lives abroad) and I think it makes things worst. The pain in my leg is a constant reminder. I don't really have friends to talk to and I feel like my future will be made of pain and loneliness. I'm religious so i turned to God. 

I took the antidepressant once but it made my leg pain so much worse I couldn't sleep until I took a pain reliever. So I think i'm gonna have to fight this on my own.

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Thank you for your support. My doctor referred me to a neurologist for my leg pain. I went today, it was not a happy experience. She was pretty mean and insensitive. I broke down crying and i'm feeling worse now. You're right I have to take care of myself. I see that you're in a happy relationship. It really gives me hope. Thank you.

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