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Breakdown


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I'm in one of those days where I don't think this is going to get better. I'm closing my mind because deep in my soul i know that nobody it's gonna love me with this... i mean who would ever wanna deal with this?... it fucking sucks. I just got back from a party and some close friends were making jokes about it and I thought: fuck, imagine that I could have a relationship with one of them, how would they react? What would they say? Would they spread my "dirty little secret?"... it sucks to not have the same freedom as a normal person...I'm thinking that all my plans got ruined because of this...I won't have a partner in th future, i won't have children and i'm gonna die alone. Some days i'm positive but now, with tears in my eyes I feel dirty, alone, unworthy... i feel that my love life it's ruined. I read all this succesful disclosures and amazing histories where people find someone who love all of them and i just can't imagine that happening to me. I know that it's harder to deal with the stigma in here where I live and I get soo jealous when people in the U.S. say that it's pretty common in there and therefore the people it's more open minded and so... i just hate that I can't feel like myself because a stupid virus. I didn't deserve it 😭

 

I don't think someone it's going to read this but I just needed to pour my mind and heart out. I don't have anyone who I can talk about this... i just think about it everyday and honestly it's so frustrating and it brings me down 😭

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@forgivenessandpeace thank you so much for reading this, i really appreciate it 😢 sadly It's hard for me to accept that fact. I don't date that much, i'm always that friend who everyone sees as just a friend. And that's fine right now but what about in the future? All my plans got ruined because of this. I really wanna be married and have kids but i can't see that happening anymore and you know what sucks the most? That i have only been with one person and he gave this to me. I hate him so much, and i can't forgive him. I didn't deserved this 😭

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