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Hi I'm a 31 year old female from south africa. Firstly I would like to commend you on the support group I haven't officially been accepted but as a guest I see that many people find comfort there.  I wish there where people around here to talk to about this. Furthermore not many people are clued and and educated about this so it seems pretty aweful to talk about. I had been In a relationship with someone for a year and we broke up for a while during that time I had met someone who I thought was the one... Anyways when you meet someone having a talk about any stds never happens so after about 2 months I ended up with an std and it was gonnoreah. Got myself treated and that person and I... Well I decided to just call it quites as I felt that he should have known or said something to me especially since talking to him about it, when he found out he was way too calm as though it's something he had known about. Thinking everything was over the guy that I had been seeing for a year we both had gotten back together and I had told him about the gonnoreah thing he decided to get treated just incase and we both carried on with our relationship. Just that after all the time of us being together the other day after having sex he notices a cut on his penis and well he's gone for tests. I've been screened for everything beside herpes. I'm scared of the outcome ive had no symptoms of anything I feel horrible that I could have been the one to give this to him. But even our relationship has not been one of exclusivity. He was also seeing another person so now I really don't know. I sit here and think that after all this and being so cautious about the people I let in my life that something like this could be happening. I'm a mother to a 4 year old girl. I'm so scared that I can give her something. It's been months of anxiety. I don't knw what sleep or food is because all I do is sit and think about this. The relationship I have with this person now ruined because I know this is alot for him to handle and its not something he wants to go through with me. He says that we will both get tested for whatever and sort ourselves out. I love him alot. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about all this that I could have caused. I don't know how to move on in my life how should I pick myself up and have the courage to go through any of this. I'm alone I have no one to speak to about any of this because I feel so ashamed. I feel like my life is over. I've been avoiding work for so long.  Currently studying towards a degree but I don't even have the energy to sit with my books. Since November literally my whole world has just been collapsing around me. 


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First of all, YOU ARENT ALONE! That’s the first thing you need to understand! Everyone here on this website has it! 

Dont panic don’t stress! There’s no point because technically you don’t know if he has anything! I do suggest you get rid of him!

You can’t give your daughter herpes! It’s damn near impossible.

Just to let you know that doesn’t sound like herpes or any std that I am aware of. 

Please dont let this defeat you! Woman are ten times more likely to show symptoms so by now especially under all the stres you’ve put yourself under you probably would have had an outbreak! 

If you can’t fight for yourself right now I suggest you fight for your daughter. Have you gone to a doctor? 

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Hi dear not been yet... I'm planning to test by Monday I have a friend that's been very supportive. I've just opened up to him and told him on Monday what I've been going through this past few months.we both live in different provinces... I believe url call them states. Anyways he will be coming by on Sunday and will basically be holding my hands through getting tested and getting my results. I'm really sacred though but he assured me that no matter what he will stand with me through this till the very end. I'm trying to go on with my day as usual but all I sit and end up thinkn about is what if I gave this guy something and the outcome of the situation. As for letting him go I did decide to count my losses however painful and even though I had dreams of being with him and having a loving family I guess that's all gone down the drain. The hardest thing I struggle with is thinkn that in life we meet people only to end up in so much of pain and too think is it even worth it. My whole feeling now is that I'll end up alone one day after my little girl is all grown up and that hurts cos I'm one of those people who loves having people. As for the symptoms part the only thing I've actually been feeling now of late is a slight burn after I pee. And some pain in my leg upper thigh actually jus near my bum don't know if that's anything or jus paranoia. All I can say is I just want all this to be over. Whatever it may be so I can jus get on with my life because it's all very tiring and it's consuming me mentally and physically. Thanks so much for ur response though it's nice to know that I'm not alone. *bighugs*

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This is how I look at it. We meet people and despite the pain they put us through we do learn! We learn what we seek in a partner and what the warning signs! We do grow! 


It it might be just be paranoia and I don’t want to scare you but the virus does sit in your spinal column... many people have talked about how they legs can be tingly and their butt hurt a little bit. As far as the peeing I’m not 100% sure. It could even be a UTI. 


You wont end up alone. My sister has it and she’s currently in a relationship. A family friend has it and she’s married with three kids. Finding someone does happen it just takes time, unfortunately! If you do end up having it you please let us know. Also I suggest you deal with the trauma before even searching, take as much time as you need. I didn’t do that and ended up getting hurt A LOT! 

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  • 1 year later...


Im from SA, Durban in particular. Found out last week friday im HSV2 +

Been thru hell the last 6 days, and spent 10hours a day researching Herpes

I am gutted. I havent disclosed to my Gf yet. 

Each day is challenge. Im willing to communicate via private message as a support friend. 

I intend getting married bfor 2020 is out

And staying monogamous. Im hoping this doesnt make my other half run for the hills. The Truth is, We been sexually intimate since 2018, and so the chances that shes also HSV2+ is almost 100% now I believe, if my understanding of HOW it transfers is accurate. my first symptoms appeared in Dec 2018, now that iv put my past breakouts together. I was on holiday when my first breakout happened, so I put it down to stuff that happens when you travel and I never googled it until last week, when I realized my Dr needs to tell me what this is, as it has since happened 5 times since Dec 2018

The Dr confirmed it verbally only. I had blisters on my genitals. I didnt have a test 

Chin up.... 


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