Hi snowy,
First and foremost, let me just say that I'm so sorry about your boyfriend not being honest with you. You asked if anyone else could relate about being left in the dark, and well, I absolutely, 100% can relate.
3 years ago I started dating a guy who had been pursuing me for months. I was never interested in him in the beginning, but I think it was all due to timing. When I decided to give him a shot, it wasn't long after that I was head over heels in love. But like willow and her story, I was also young and naive. This guy and I had mutual friends, one of them being someone i had considered to be a "big brother" type of friend. He always had my best interest and I knew he would always be there for me if I ever needed it. Well, he had warned me one night that my boyfriend (at that time) was nice, but that he was a huge liar. I sort of brushed it off bc when he said that to me, it wasn't the right time or place to start asking why he was telling me that. Plus, I wanted to
Give my x the benefit of the doubt. People can change, right? I mean, I truly loved this guy and thought he was the one. Never had I felt this way about anyone in my life. So I thought for sure he felt the same way about me.
About 4 1/2 months into our relationship, I went to the obgyn for my annual pap. About a week later, I remember I woke up to a voicemail from my dr's office asking me to please call them back. I'll never forget that moment. I had gotten into my car to call them
Back bc I just knew something was wrong. After the obgyn told me it looks like I have herpes...it was like I blacked out. I don't remember even hearing her voice after that part. all I kept thinking was to please wake me up from this nightmare! I couldn't believe it. I had been tested before I started dating this guy, and I was clean. So why after almost 5 months of dating and being monogamous is this appearing? I really didn't want to tell my boyfriend by accusing him, but chances were that he had to of been the one who transmitted the virus to me. so I of course told my boyfriend, and he said he had been tested and that he was clean but that he loved me for telling him. And that was that. At the time, all I was worried about was his reaction. It wasn't until months later, when I realized what a narcissistic, abusive, pathological liar he was, that had me flashing back to that moment of telling him. So OF COURSE he would accept it and be okay with it.
Man oh man I wish I would have listened to my big bro that day he warned me. Maybe had I lactually listened, I may not have been put through the emotional and physical abuse I allowed for over a year and a half. It may not have stopped contracting herpes...but it sure as hell would have saved a lot of the healing I have to do on top of accepting the fact I have herpes.
I'm so sorry for this long post, but I want you to understand that I feel for you. In so many ways. I hope that you don't set your own feelings aside bc you feel like your boyfriend has to deal with too many of his own right now. You deserve to put you first. And I hope that's what you do. Realizing that was what ultimately allowed me to free myself from the hell of a relationship I was in. Some days have been really tough for me. But I don't let this skin condition stop me from flourishing into a better person. Life has too many beautiful things to offer. And that's part of the light I've been able to see through this crazy tunnel.