strongsoul

Hi hopeful, I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I too am an overall confident person, but the fear of telling someone one of your darkest secrets is when you feel most insecure. But, the fact that you are a confident woman tells me that you more than likely love yourself. And if I can tell you anything from my own experiences in disclosing, the more you love yourself and honor yourself, the better YOU will feel. Disclosing is scary because we fear rejection and judgement. Obviously no one wants to have the conversation and trying to figure out a good time to talk about it can feel nearly impossible. But at the end of the day, trust that when you have that conversation is because you know you have dignity and character. And that you believe in living an honest and sincere life. The right guy will not only see that you're being honest, but he'll respect you more for being upfront and truthful. When you're feeling scared as you're about to disclose, remind yourself that this can only lead to something better and more real. Whether it's with that guy or another one....YOU are putting it out into the universe what type of relationship you want. If the guy considers it a deal breaker, then he's just made it easier for you to realize that he's not the right guy for you. And I promise you, it will only attract the one who is. When we live our lives in fear, we don't live life to its fullest potential. It's when you break through those barriers of fear and overcome something that you were so afraid of, that you start to realize...wow, not only am I an honest person, but I'm a STRONG person for doing this. Love yourself to know that you don't need this guys approval to allow yourself to be worthy. You, more than anyone else, need to know that regardless of the outcome...you ARE worthy. If you ever need someone to talk to to help build your confidence in this department, please feel free to reach out. I recently just had one of the most successful disclosures after having quite a few, and I'd be more than happy to be there for you if you need someone :) Good luck girl

Snowy, You're response has me feeling like I'm reading something I would have said 2 years ago. Gosh sweetie, I just know all too well how you're feeling. I stayed with my x for a year and a half longer than I should of, and a huge reason for that was bc I had the same thoughts you did. On top of all that, I had moved out of state and he followed me to come and be with me (we were engaged and I had planned on moving before we started dating.) but I can't tell you how often he would make me feel bad about HIS decision to move away. He would constantly hold that over my head, and I felt obligated bc of it. Not only did I feel obligated bc of that, but Knowing I had herpes was just another justification as to why I should stay with him. He was depressed too. He hated where we lived and always made sure to let me know. He was seriously awful to me and his drug and alcoholism didn't help. I know it's scary to tell your mom. But I promise you sweetie, if she's your mom, she'll love you regardless. My mom is one of the only people that knows I have it, and if it weren't for her support, I don't know where I would be throug out this process. I remember when things got really bad, I called her and told her the same thing--that I felt trapped. Like I was destined to stay with this asshole bc of all the guilt and shame. My mom was the one constantly reminding me that I had the choice. I choose my own happiness. And to not let someone who's so selfish and hateful take away from the loving, caring and happy person I've always been. I knew for a long time it wasn't gonna work...but I had to be 100% ready to leave and let go. And when I finally did (a year and a half later) i was liberated. Now, I wish I could say once I ended it everything was fine, bc that wasn't the case. It won't be easy. It'll be really hard. But I promise you, respecting yourself and honoring what you know is best for you will make you feel empowered in the long run. Like I said before, life is way too short to be holding yorself back bc of someone else's miserableness. You are so much better and stronger than you realize. You just have to put yourself in uncomfortable positions to realize that sometimes. I seriously want to talk to you more about this. I feel like I could offer you a lot of advice. Let me know if you want to talk more outside of this forum love. Smile my dear!! You are beautiful! And everything is gonna be okay. You just har to believe that now.

Hi snowy, First and foremost, let me just say that I'm so sorry about your boyfriend not being honest with you. You asked if anyone else could relate about being left in the dark, and well, I absolutely, 100% can relate. 3 years ago I started dating a guy who had been pursuing me for months. I was never interested in him in the beginning, but I think it was all due to timing. When I decided to give him a shot, it wasn't long after that I was head over heels in love. But like willow and her story, I was also young and naive. This guy and I had mutual friends, one of them being someone i had considered to be a "big brother" type of friend. He always had my best interest and I knew he would always be there for me if I ever needed it. Well, he had warned me one night that my boyfriend (at that time) was nice, but that he was a huge liar. I sort of brushed it off bc when he said that to me, it wasn't the right time or place to start asking why he was telling me that. Plus, I wanted to Give my x the benefit of the doubt. People can change, right? I mean, I truly loved this guy and thought he was the one. Never had I felt this way about anyone in my life. So I thought for sure he felt the same way about me. About 4 1/2 months into our relationship, I went to the obgyn for my annual pap. About a week later, I remember I woke up to a voicemail from my dr's office asking me to please call them back. I'll never forget that moment. I had gotten into my car to call them Back bc I just knew something was wrong. After the obgyn told me it looks like I have herpes...it was like I blacked out. I don't remember even hearing her voice after that part. all I kept thinking was to please wake me up from this nightmare! I couldn't believe it. I had been tested before I started dating this guy, and I was clean. So why after almost 5 months of dating and being monogamous is this appearing? I really didn't want to tell my boyfriend by accusing him, but chances were that he had to of been the one who transmitted the virus to me. so I of course told my boyfriend, and he said he had been tested and that he was clean but that he loved me for telling him. And that was that. At the time, all I was worried about was his reaction. It wasn't until months later, when I realized what a narcissistic, abusive, pathological liar he was, that had me flashing back to that moment of telling him. So OF COURSE he would accept it and be okay with it. Man oh man I wish I would have listened to my big bro that day he warned me. Maybe had I lactually listened, I may not have been put through the emotional and physical abuse I allowed for over a year and a half. It may not have stopped contracting herpes...but it sure as hell would have saved a lot of the healing I have to do on top of accepting the fact I have herpes. I'm so sorry for this long post, but I want you to understand that I feel for you. In so many ways. I hope that you don't set your own feelings aside bc you feel like your boyfriend has to deal with too many of his own right now. You deserve to put you first. And I hope that's what you do. Realizing that was what ultimately allowed me to free myself from the hell of a relationship I was in. Some days have been really tough for me. But I don't let this skin condition stop me from flourishing into a better person. Life has too many beautiful things to offer. And that's part of the light I've been able to see through this crazy tunnel.

Hello (h) community. I'm a 25 year old female living in the Los Angeles area. I was diagnosed with HSV-2 about 3 years ago, but didn't really allow myself to start healing up until this past year. After a toxic and abusive relationship with the guy who gave me herpes, I've been on the journey to learning how to accept and love myself. I feel like one of the biggest reasons as to why I haven't been able to fully move on from my past is because I don't talk about living with this virus enough...well hardly ever, really. I work in an extremely judgmental environment, where unfortunately, herpes jokes are thrown around constantly. I would more than love to have a friend (male or female) that could relate to the struggles of living with herpes and to be able to confide in someone to listen and understand. I would also love to be a support system to someone going through and wanting the same as me. You don't have to live in the LA area. I'd honestly be okay with just having someone to text over the phone or even skype with.