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unbreakable

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  1. I have read that other illnesses can weaken you and cause an OB. But the other way round... can H weaken you and make you more prone to catching whatever nasty is in the air at the time? I have had a bad caugh on and off all winter and spring so far, it was the same last year too, but not before I got infected with H...
  2. I was depressed by my diagnosis so much that didn’t disclose to my now boyfriend. I literally couldn’t speak, it was like grief. We’ve been together for 2 years, I told him about having the virus only 6 months ago. He tries his best to forgive me. But I think it’s impossible. He has every reason not to trust me again. Am I crazy for thinking there will never be a future together? I think it’s pretty much nonsense for someone to battle their own intuition and start building a life together with a person they can’t even believe. Even if we do end up finding happiness, getting married, and building a house, there’s still a chance of yelling and arguing because of damn outbreaks in that brand new house out of the blue. We could have children even, the fact that I gave him a life altering illness will not be gone. I’m 23. In ca. ten years I want a family. That’s 5x the time we’ve been together, not really a lot, it passes by faster than I’d think. I really can’t get any deeper into something that leads nowhere or into unstable happiness. And I want him to live his best life before hitting 30, too. He’s the same age as me. If he can’t be happy with me and enjoy that I am his, then the right thing to do is to leave him so he can start dating again and feeling happy and confident.
  3. This is my first romantic relationship ever, I was only ever used and abused before, but I gave him H so he hates me as much as he loves me. I often encourage him to show himself love by spending time without me when I notice that he’s getting frustrated with dating the one who ruined his health... but he takes it as an offense. So I already feel guilty about giving him the virus, and I gotta feel guilty about keeping a distance for the sake of his (and my) mental health too. It’s all so unfair. Why me? Why him? Why can’t he be healthy again, why can’t I be appreciated for once? It consumes all my energy. I am one semester late for finishing university because I literally had no mental capacity to do most of the assigned work or attend properly... I want to disappear from his life leaving no memories other than “There was once a girl I was with, I got herpes from her but I managed to forgive and move on.”... especially not good memories, I wouldn’t want him to miss me. Damn daydreams... Somebody please just discover a cure already...
  4. Hi, being the self care freak I am, I like to read a lot about ancient (or atleast less-modern-than-ordering-a-venti-of-your-fav-latte) practices for physical health. I have come across yoni steaming many times now. Yoni is the Sanskrit word for the female genitalia and has a really lovely sacred meaning to it. It’s something like “womb” or “temple”, my yoga instructor said once. So I prefer to say “yoni steaming” over “vaginal steaming” any day, even though technically you only steam the external parts and maybe a little of your vagina. I decided to just go for it last night, I’m a huge herbal tea fan, so I just made a large pot of herbal tea (with anti inflammatory herbs like melissa and chamomille) and squatted over it for a few minutes. That’s how it is practiced, you squat (or sit on a chair that lets the air through) over a steaming pot of herbal infusion carefully. Other than nice and warm and natural I didn’t feel much. Then went to take a bubble bath that I poured the tea into. Then went to sleep. Let me knock it on wood, but it really did help, my prodome symptoms have 99% gone away. I was afraid I’d wake up to an outbreak because a coworker had been stressing me the hell out all day, but my skin calmed down instead. Might be a coincidence but I definitely fell in love with this practice. Me and my pu$$y both get to inhale healthy amazing smelling steam, doesn’t get much more relaxing than that! It’s like a mini sauna, lol! Unfortunately idk about a guy version of it, I mean you certainly can try to stand above a pot with your legs apart and smooth the foreskin back if you have any, but idk if it works. Only thing I know is that you should only use herbs, not essential oils, because those evaporate quickly and can irritate your skin by kinda sticking on it. (You’d have to wash it off with intimate soap afterwards...) Any one of you tried yoni steaming yet?
  5. Hi, I have had H for over 2 years now, and I have dated my boyfriend for circa 1.5 years. He sadly contracted it from me. However, his hormones don’t go crazy every once in a month, and he’s an amateur bodybuilder which totally boosts his immune system and how fast his skin repairs itself in case of any wound or cold sores. So he almost never gets outbreakes and when he does they clear up in like a day. This is not the case by me. Even though I am on several supplements and suppressive therapy. My period always gives me an outbreak. So does sex if it’s any longer than like 5-10 minutes and any rougher than in PG rated romantic movies. (Also I’m dealing with the stress of having given the virus to him, I have posttraumatic flashbacks of the night he caught it, it probably contributes to my outbreaks.) And when I have any symptoms I of course try to stay away from sex. So basically we can only have sex every once in a while, and it will likely give me an outbreak and force me to wait another week or so. Or we use the thickest condoms out there (so it doesn’t break and he’s not exposed to more of the active virus) and lots of antiseptic lube to minimize irritation. But most of the sensation is lost that way. I actually don’t mind doing oral, I don’t hate blowjobs. But it’s not the same as full body contact and intercourse. For neither of us. Oh and let’s not forget something... romantic relationships and sexual attraction have evolved to ensure that our species doesn’t die out. So me always being “sick” is a huge turnoff because it waves the red flag in my man’s subconscious and says “she could never be strong enough to produce healthy offspring, and caring for her would take you so much time and energy, don’t even bother”... I’m seriously considering ending the relationship for good. I’m a cripple. I look like a healthy person, I’m fit, young, tall, in all honesty f***ing sexy, and I can’t even be banged without the risk of causing the both of us uncomfortable health issues. It’s like I’m a trap. I hate this. He’s also young. He deserves good sex as often as he likes. Even if he’s now damned with having to disclose. A lot of women are H+ so he might just find someone who is stronger than me and gets no OBs and is up for ditching the condom for whatever reason. I would be healthier and more confident too. I wouldn’t feel so guilty all the time. I would just pop a movie on and get the “battery operated boyfriend” out every once in a while and that’s it. And I would get less outbreaks too. The ONLY SINGLE PROBLEM IS: I love him. And he is very attached and attracted to me too.
  6. My boyfriend spend the night with my like 3 times a week. We always use lots of lube, because everything feels so great that way, lol. So there’s not much friction going on. However, I often get sore the next day. With the accompanying symptoms of an outbreak. Why??? It’s the opposite of stressful, a lot of happy-relaxed hormones are produced... Maybe his pubic hair can cause friction but I don’t notice it? Or maybe we should just keep moderation and only do it once for a shorter time? When he’s away I never get an outbreak (except for when my period comes), even if I masturbate.
  7. Let my complain a little before I share the good change that I got from this whole issue. I was never a very sexually active person, I was modest and kind and emotionally sensitive, and picky about who I’m with, oh and also very young when I caught it. I, however, think sexual pleasure and physical health are important in overall mood and wellbeing. I never neglect my body. So getting ill took a toll on me and seemed unfair. But it helped me exercise my courage to talk and think openly about “all the good things and the bad things” in sex. (Recognize the song? lol) I was never proudish, but always looked at the emotional side of sex instead of the actual facts. I wasn’t embarrased to talk to my bestfriend about how I cried from happiness once after making love with my boyfriend. But I hardly ever talked about how my lady parts were doing. I would feel awkward about it. But after my attention had to be directed to them, and I had to describe all of the unpleasant symptoms, I found my way to openly wording sensations. I can now more accurately sense and describe pleasurable things too. Maybe one day I’ll be a pro at dirty talk, who knows? ;) To me realizing it’s okay to talk about p*ssies when it’s appropriate was revolutionary... I’ve heard guys talk about what they got more often, and I realized girls can do it too. I won’t just yell “Eat me out!” (like the female equivalent of “Suck my...”) when I’m mad at someone, duh, but I feel no unnecessary shame in sharing pleasure or getting help anymore. LOL I just have to battle the virus so it doesn’t get in the way of my pleasure. No one wants to be touched when sore so yeah... I’m trying my best.
  8. Lately both me and my also HSV+ partner noticed a problem. No matter what kinda soap and lotion I use, the skin on my hands is really dry. No sores or anything. Just dry coarse skin. Like after you wash a lot of dishes by hand without a glove. Same for him. I wonder if it could be because of contact with the virus. We of course use our hands in foreplay. Or maybe it’s just the windy weather that came with spring?
  9. My boyfriend spent the night yesterday and we got intimate. We always use a lot of lube just because, lol, but there still is some friction of course. I feel slight prodome symptoms now. Could it be because we might’ve goten a little carried away and weren’t slow enough or careful enough, maybe all the rubbing can be a trigger even with enough lube? Or can stimulation itself make the nerve endings more sensitive and trigger an outbreak? I have a few times in my life actually felt sore/itchy just from feeling aroused... I am kind of sad because I don’t want one of the most basic and most intense pleasures taken away from me!
  10. 200mg Acyclovir, Lysine, Monolaurin, colloidal silver, and multivitamines. Not on birth control, it completely messed up my blood pressure so I stopped taking it a year ago.
  11. My immune system is definitely not weak, I hardly ever catch the common cold even in the nastiest of weather, I eat clean and walk a lot. But I still can count on two hands the days I didn’t have any symptom since getting infected in 2017. It’s the worse before my period, because of the hormonal changes... do I maybe have a normonal imbalance that’s affecting me the whole month? I don’t have any other issues that would point to this being the case. My weight is okay, my appetite is okay, my mood is okay besides the hopelessness of never being healthy again...
  12. The instructions usually say that silicone/latex can be cleaned with mild soap. But is the enough to kill any virus on the surface? I’m worried about shedding without symptoms and causing myself an outbreak later. Also, solo use only, I don’t share my stuff. Thanks!
  13. I got herpes from an assault, and every single time I have to talk about having it I am reminded of the incident too. I can’t recover like this, mentally. I’ve been having flashbacks of the trauma for 2 years now. They occur again and again just like herpes itself. The worst is, nobody takes it seriously. A lot of people just don’t understand that sex is not always a pleasurable thing (for instance, definitely not if it’s not fully consensual).
  14. I caught herpes from a barely consensual encounter with a stranger I felt very repelled by... Every symptom just reminds me of having been in such a bad place mentally that I just let him do as he wanted. And this ofcourse puts me in a completely depressed mood. When I didn’t know the exact risks I let another guy I didn’t want to have sex with close to me, but I did like this guy, I hoped he would maybe want to go on an actual date if we had sex. That night started off as a date too but it turned into just sex... So yeah. He contracted the virus and has also been reminding me of my past ever since. Not on purpose, of course, just because he’s still proccessing what happened and doesn’t keep his feelings bottled up. We were stuck in a relationship because of always having something we needed to talk about... I completely lost myself. We didn’t have much in common besides the virus he got from me! Not having much in common can be fun in a healthy relationship, we could’ve gone on some very fun dates and “first times” if he didn’t get symptoms after our first date. But here we were, two completely different personalities, two different very unhealthy coping mechanisms, and a problem that literally can’t be solved because there is no known cure yet. I changed the way I dressed, talked, everything, in hope of being a better partner... To top it, I was only 21 so I never really had my own style to begin with. So I had to abandon what I wasn’t even sure about Completely lost. Now I’m a nervous wreck. In my private life and “internal” life. (In business and other matters not. I have cool friends, a lot of trustworthy clients, and I can actually make a living with doing what I love. It’s a flow state and a hobby so my emotional issues never really reach it or affect it.) Actually I could live without much interpersonal intimacy, I’m young, I’m still discovering my own self so I never feel lonely. But this lack of motivation and self appreciation is crippling. I dislike my own company, I’m not friends with myself, I lost the joy of “just being me” that was basically my most important quality. I used to smile about the silliest little things. Now I’m constantly worried or bored. I couldn’t care less about the stigma of the virus. I take my antivirals in public often, and the back of the tablet leaf has herpes in the medicine’s name with huge letters... I just don’t care. It’s a skin condition. And condoms do exist so if any creep were to imagine me “up close and personal” they need not freak out - that is, unless I stare at them with my rudest anti creep look. LMAO But there is a stigma around how I caught the virus and how my guy caught it. So I now basically live as a too-weak-to-say-no dumb dishonest person. Which I am not. I am not my deeds. I am not the people who have touched me. I am a person with a minor chronic physical illness that takes a toll on her otherwise beautiful but complicated mind. I’ll never be recognized as such, by anyone who has known me in those dark times of getting and giving the virus. And this causes me inner turmoil. In order to start fresh and be my usual badass self who is a joy to be around, I have to be alone, because only I know myself well enough now. I just want time to re-evaluate my life and get my power back, but damn it, I would need power to distance the people in my life from me, as well... Endless loop. I do try but everyone fails to react accordingly. Idk if their or my fault.
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