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unbreakable

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  1. How I got H: My mom died when I was a teen, in my early twenties I had my first love and lost my virginity but he left me afterwards, and losing two people I loved so much pushed me into serious grief and depression. I was assaulted when I was depressed, I was too scared to fight back. I got infected, and the person also stalked me on the streets sometimes, it was horrifying. Then a year later I met a guy, we went on a date, he drank too much and ended up not using protection with me. I didn’t disclose because it happened too fast, I was still depressed and it made me mentally disabled temporarily, I literally had no idea what was going on. He got infected but we kept dating, and sometimes the stalker would show up when we went to have dinner or something. Fast foward 2 more years to the present, we really weren’t a good match so we broke up, he’s rational and I’m an idealist, blah blah blah... We were arguing and suddendly he proceeds to yell at me “I’m pretty sure that creepy guy only followed you because you infected him too! It wasn’t the other way round!”... well this was when I just closed the door and left crying. This is so messed up. I am a religious person, always been, so thankfully I can easily cope through finding peace in knowing I was made to be great and that I’m more than what happens to me, but it still hurt like a motherf...er when he said that. Like f... you, I AM NOT A VIRUS, I JUST HAVE A VIRUS. 👏Thanks for reading guys...
  2. He also says I ruined his young and free life because he wanted to have casual sex with so many girls and now he can’t... WTF, you can disclose and use condoms and have casual sex! He seems to mean that he wanted to do it unprotected which is crazy to think about because HEY WAKE UP THIS IS LITERALLY HOW YOU CAUGHT H! He has no respect for his or anyone else’s body and it’s so sad to see!
  3. Hey! Casual doesn’t have to be serious. I mean, you might wanna avoid schoolmates for several reasons other than disclosing or being outed... it’s extra awkward to bump into an ex lover in class! If I were you I’d just use Tinder. It shows your first name or nickname only, so no one even has to know your full name. Just put a hot pic, hell, maybe but HSV in your bio too... and have fun. Chat, disclose, meet, make out, have protected sex, rinse and repeat haha.
  4. 2 years ago I went to ‘sit outside and chat’ with a guy I never met before, who became very agressive by the end of the night and in spite of knowing I was an asexual* he begged me and pushed me until I, half-asleep, let him have sex with me. He caugh H. He blames me for being careless and not disclosing, when in fact I did NOT want to have sex and he did NOT give me a chance to tell him anything anyway. He also states that “you aren’t asexual, you were just too afraid to disclose so you made this up!”... no I didn’t, duh. I even had it on my social media accounts like in picture captions, it’s part of my identity. The level of disrespect he shows is unreal, I feel desperate, unmotivated and outraged because of this whole story. He’s so ignorant about consent too, and I wish I could explain more to him about it, but of course he doesn’t give a damn about anything the woman who ruined his health says. How can I cope? Therapists in my area are not very trauma-informed so I’m curious what else can I do... *Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. That’s it. I still experience romantic feelings and I do have a libido. But I’m physically unable to have any “chemistry” with someone unless emotional bonds are established, even then it’s more like just another form of physical closeness to me and I don’t find it as important as most people. To me sex is like a hug but with more differently pleasurable touches involved. So yeah, some asexuals, like me, actually do have sex, usually in relationships like being in love or having a close friend with benefits. I just wanted to clarify this.
  5. My ex boyfriend got herpes from me. I didn’t know I had it. We were together for 2 years and still friends with benefits. When he caught it we were still in the “honeymoon” phase of dating, we couldn’t keep from having sex even when one or both of us had an outbreak. He swears that the size of his penis when erect has become smaller. As if some of it were messing. I tried to assure him that it’s maybe because he’s not attracted to me, and that if he was face to face with someone hot whom he has no painful past with then it probably would be just as big and hard as he wants it to be. But I’m not sure. Is he ruined for life now? Or if he eats well and sleeps enough can his body restore itself completely?
  6. Do they help too? I used to smoke occasionally and I liked the mental clarity and physical pain relief it provided, I tried CBD when I was suffering from PTSD / anxiety so I can’t really know how much it helped but it did, I mean I certainly managed to avoid going insane, lol, but I never payed attention to the effects. I maybe want to start taking it again.
  7. Lmao you’ve got a point but the two plants/plant mixes I mentioned were proven not to kill anybody’s a$$. The reason I was curious is because a microdose of shrooms is definitely not 400mg twice every day like the suppressive dose I know for acyclovir (actually one of my blood tests that I got done when I was gonna get birth control prescribed came back showing a slightly impaired liver function after 1.5 years of taking it without taking any other meds or substances). And because Ayahuasca is one dose, one time, you drink it and your immune system etc. is supposed to improve by fighting the stomach upsetting compounds of the brew and absorbing the ones that help the nerves, it probably would enable me to lay down the acyclovir for a while until my next OB. I usually respond well to plant stuff because it has all kinds of vitamines and a balanced list of ingredients, lol, I mean coffee is a better wakeup-aid too than energy drink which is basically soda with laboratory-made caffeine added... I took CBD oil for a while for anxiety and that helped a lot too.
  8. Hi all, ”a fried of mine” was very interested in psychedelics a few years ago in her early twenties. She never tried anything, though, except for Mary Jane plant infused edibles which can be pretty intense and similar to what shrooms are usually described as. Anyway, she has read a lot about the benefits of two uses for these potent natural substances. First: microdosing, as in only consuming a very tiny amount that basically doesn’t mess with your perception but can fix neural pathways that have been blocked by stress. She was quite intrigued about these studies because she has suffered from some serious stress after getting HSV. Shame, abandonment, physical pain, etc. And the worst thing about stress is that it brings on more outbreaks and pain, so it would be nice to get rid of it a bit. The second is combining medicinal use with psychological therapy in a retreat. Ritually consuming Ayahuasca which first cleanses the body and may cause vomiting, then causes insightful dream-like hallucinations and then talking about them and their meanings with a counselor. Have any of you done anything like this? Do you think it can help with the emotional and/or physical trauma of having often recurring HSV? I think a traditionally used plant is not much worse than large doses of acyclovir for suppressive therapy...
  9. I know they stop herpes from multiplying so the immune system can suppress it, but what about side effects? A friend of mine had an abdominal surgery done like half a year ago and –among many other medicine– she got a large dose of acyclovir because where I live it’s necessary for every hospital to give a cocktail of strong meds to every surgery patient to ward off possible infections of the wound while the immune system is busy with recovering. Idk about other countries tho. She said it took a few months for the meds to completely leave her system and they caused her hair loss and other problems. I take 400mg once a day for suppressive therapy and three times a day during outbreaks. Can it harm any natural balance in my body, like the absorbtion of certain vitamines and minerals or such...? I just recently stopped bleaching my hair and I’m looking forward to growing it out really long but what she told me concerns me a little...
  10. I’ve been feeling really disconnected from my sensuality/sexuality since getting herpes. It’s an STD that lies dormant in the body after catching it, there’s only suppressant medication but no cure yet, it has recurring annoying symptoms, like itching or burning ever once in a while. I was a very sensual person all my life, I was a late bloomer but I loved my body, I started masturbating when I was 18 and experimented with different kinds of stimulation for fun, I was really aware of my needs and very confident and attractive. I didn’t care much about seduction tho, so I only lost my virginity when I was 20, to a friend of mine. He ended up betraying me very badly and I fell into a period of depression/feeling unworthy/feeling disappointed. It lasted a little over one year long. During this time a really creepy old coworker asked me out on a date and I was too afraid to say no, I couldn’t set boundaries right. It was the worst date ever but he ended up taking me to his place and having sex with me while I was half asleep already (exhausted from the horrible date). I caught herpes from him. I barely remember his face now, I’m over him, but I’m not over herpes. I’ve had it for two years now, I’m 23. I used to love fooling around in public, like some light foreplay while walking at the park when no one was looking, but now I feel like I’m toxic because I can give herpes to others who come into contact with me... My guy wanted to tease me with his fingers under my panties the other day, we’ve known each other for a while and he knows I have herpes but he just has no idea how disgusted I am with myself. I hate my own pussy. How sad. My pussy is amazing, it gave me so many orgasms and it gave my guy so many orgasms too! I should see it as a warm pot of thick shiny honey but I just see it as a problem and like something I had lost.
  11. Idk about getting a culture, but it definitely can be HSV. Real ulcers get less and less frequent as time passes since the first outbreak. When I get an outbreak it’s always just itching or these small bumps. I’ve had the virus for 2+ years now.
  12. Last week I started a slightly calorie restricting diet to lose some weight before I go on holiday. Not serious starving, just cutting off desserts and stopping the constant snacking, lol. (I’m 5’7 and like 130lbs by the way so I’m normal weight but my body fat % is a bit high.) Y’all know the word “hangry”? It’s hungry + angry, and perfectly describes how the body can perceive hunger as a cause of stress. I don’t get irritable or yell at people before lunch, however, I feel slight tingling more often between mealtimes. Are any of you dieting? Did your outbreaks get more frequent or not? I really don’t want to have to choose between getting in a fitter condition and not going crazy from pain... So fingers crossed for a lots of “no” answers...
  13. This is a question that “normal” women discuss with their friends while laughing after a few drinks... But I’m infected with this sh*t, and so is my boyfriend of 2 years. So now I don’t know if he is simply too big and I’ll be better from some warm tea, or if it’s the virus doing painful things to my skin inside. (By the way, I have oral herpes too, since childhood, but it only broke out 2-3 times my whole life and only for a few hours, until I got GHSV, since then outbreaks usually go hand in hand.)
  14. If I were to break a tablet into powder and mix it with a regular chamomille cream that’s used for diaper rash and such skin issues, would it work? Was anyone else ever desperate enough to think of this and done it too?
  15. I am shocked by what I’ve heard and read. Pardon me if I sound harsh, but what on Earth are condoms for if not to prevent EXACTLY THIS? It’s unbelievable... Herpes is just an annoying skin condition, but what if someone gets HIV while engaging in unprotected sex at a festival with a stranger, or another illness with severe complications like becoming infertile? I’m sorry if I’m old fashioned, but festivals are for music and dance and creativity, not hookups, and especially not unprotected hookups. I did have drunk sex in my life, hell, I was high as a kite too... and yet I still didn’t forget about protection because it’s like a second nature to me. Bagging it up is just as necessary as putting it in. That’s it. I don’t think a few minutes of pleasure is worth being sore thorough the rest of the festival and then having to get on medication for however long... Idk about sex education in the USA (or the countries the festival goers were from) but I’m saddened by how horrible of a job it has done, I mean if they knew the risks then they probably would’ve been more careful! Anyway. The person I got the link to an article from is my boyfriend who caught HSV from me. (It was 2 years ago, I was his first but I didn’t know, he was really pushy, and my mind went into a state of shock and I couldn’t disclose or react in any way, I froze. It wasn’t rape, it was just two young and inexperienced kids having a bad one night stand with worse consequences...) I really hope he’s somewhat comforted by the fact that this is really all it takes to get the virus and it doesn’t mean he’s dirty, and that he doesn’t have to carry the heavy stigma of having it because a lot of people have it too. It’s not a death sentence, just a very common and unpleasant STD. Him and I both were really depressed after he contracted it, so yeah.
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