[Herpes in the Black Community]

On 11/15/2019 at 12:49 PM, SeraLyn said:

no worries sara, just sharing how my medical professional explained to me.  All learning right.

So here's a twist of story...has anyone had a partner/ex tell them you gave them HSV JUST so you'd stay with them?? 🥴🥴

Wow! I have not been in that situation fortunately. Sounds like dude has some serious insecurities. 😬

[Falling for someone at work]

Sounds like self-sabatoge! You seem like you know you’re worth and have tangible proof (you’re last two relationships) that H doesn’t define you...but now doubting yourself because you met a man who is just as much with it as you??? Makes no sense to me. GO FOR IT! If he rejects you then you will know it was meant to be. You may be pleasantly surprised, but you won’t be if you let fear and self-doubt rule.

[Herpes in the Black Community]

21 hours ago, sarahsfocus said:

tay1989. just my opinion here but I think you will be ok. I wouldn't have sex with anyone because there's worser things than hsv1 

just don't give blow jobs when you have a cold sore. I don't think (I'm sorry if I'm wrong)  that you can give anyone else hsv1  on there genticals unless you have a cold sore. I hope this helps.Sarah

 

@tay1989That’s not entirely true. I got GHSV1 from my ex who hadn’t had an oral cold sore since childhood. We both kissed a lot but the virus took to my genital area instead, 🤷🏾‍♀️. Overall, my experience with GHSV1, although only 10 months in, has not been horrible. My physical health is intact and my emotional health has been restored since accepting the d(x) and moving on. Literally everyone has likely come in contact with HSV1 or the majority of people have it in there bodies already whether they are aware or not. It’s not as big a deal as society has made it to be. Life will go on and still be beautiful. Be honest and open with your partners and satisfying sex is sure to follow. 

[To use antivirals or not?]

It gave me stomach cramps, indigestion, nausea, and fatigue. I was diagnosed with GHSV1 and only had one outbreak. Stopped the pills after three days and felt loads better. No OBs since the first, but of course GHSV2 is sometimes more severe than type 1. I would say give it a try and he can always stop according to how he feels/experiences OBs.

[Anyone else have severe hsv1 genital?]

There are many other genital problems that can cause persistent pain not related to herpes. Have you been tested for other gynecological problems like vulvodynia or endometriosis. It could also be neuropathic (nerve damage).

 

[Herpes in the Black Community]

23 hours ago, Eleshe said:

Thank you for reaching out to me, I've been the same way about my mental health but this kind of tipped the scales. I can promise to work really hard to but them back into balance. I WHOLEheartedly appreciate the support I have received so far. I will definitely be reaching out. Thank you thank you thank you

I felt the same. I had spent the entire year devoting my energy to building my peace; working out, eating right, drinking water, and minding my business lol. I mean I was glowing everyday, hair was growing, and I was dating and just enjoying life. When I finally met some I liked I took my time with him was very open about talking about safe sex and testing, then a few months in I got diagnosed. That was the hardest hit I had gotten in a while. But getting back to that routine helped me get back into that mindset, and life feels normal again. Just now I’m taking a hiatus from dating, not really bc of the H but bc these dudes out here be tripping and I ain’t got the time!

[Herpes in the Black Community]

1 hour ago, Eleshe said:

I'm 23, an African-American female. I got my official diagnosis today and I want to smash my car into a wall. Happy Tuesday!

It’s tough coming to grips with this. But let these thoughts be fleeting. In time it will become just another nuisance. There is still beauty and love in life even though it’s dark right now. I have always been passionate about taking care of my own mental health, but when I got this diagnosis I had a thought that death would be better than to live with this.  All in all it’s a just a skin condition. Reach out if you need! 

[Black Woman Group Chat]

@Scoobilu You should start one up and see if it takes off; although, I do believe this one is largely women. Feel free to inbox me sometimes if you would like to chat as well!

[Black Woman Group Chat]

This could be useful! 

[On the verge of a breakdown]

I can’t even image the mental anguish you are feeling. If you can’t get doctors to test, it may be worth it to spend some extra cash on a home herpes test. Swab her the moment you notice the sores and send it in to a lab. You can get the results online. 

I hope everything turns out well. 

[Herpes in the Black Community]

I am a new member of this forum,  but I have been reading posts for quite a while.  @SeraLyn and @PhoenixRising_009 posts really helped me alot during dark moments! I was diagnosed with GHSV1 in December 2018. My Giver was my ex-boyfriend. He was 13 years my senior (I'm 25) and when I told him, his response was, "yeah, I used to get cold sores when I was younger, but I've never had a woman tell me they got anything from me." He then avoided accepting any responsibility stating, you could have got this from anybody, you can't say it was me. Even though he told me that he still loved and wanted to be intimate with me, my trust in him had been broken. He never empathized with me and distanced himself from me initially, stating that, he was hurt, because I blamed him for transmitting the virus to me. It was the beginning of the end of our relationship, but I stayed sexually involved with him until June of 2019. In the beginning I felt completely lost. I couldn't connect with who I was at all, and even had some fleeting thoughts that death would  be better than having to ever tell anyone about this. I ultimately reached out to a friend who I knew had GHSV2, and she was a huge support. I told a guy I had previously dated and had remained friends with. He was coming on to me, as he usually does, and I just blurted out, "have you ever had a cold sore...well I have, on my genital area." He asked questions, hugged me, but I felt his energy change. I guess subconsciously I wanted to test if a man could still find me attractive despite this. In that moment I felt no one would accept me except someone who had it, hence the reason for continuing a sexual relationship with my Giver.  Though I look back and realize how unhealthy of a choice it was mentally and emotionally to remain with him, I do recognize that his desire for me helped me to remember how sexy and desirable I still am. Regaining that confidence helped to clear my haze I was to remember everything I truly have to offer. I am an attractive, educated, and independent black woman. I love myself wholeheartedly and I am worthy of love. This diagnosis has served as an unfortunate wake up call to choose and invest in only those who will treat me accordingly. 

With all that said, I still have moments of sadness that come over me in overwhelming waves. It truly is a day by day process. As I am beginning to desire dating and sex more, the reality that I will have to disclose becomes more real, and it just makes me cry sometimes. Like the big ugly cry, like the "WHY ME!" cry. But then I say, "oh well, fuck it," and I wipe those little self-pity tears away.

When it gets tough, and I say to myself, "Yes, Bri, you have GHSV1, but that is not who you are." You only live once and my life is far from done. There is so much more love and life for me out there, and I just have to break through this fear that I am honestly probably just making worse in my own head. 

Any words of kindness and support are welcomed! I also love reading stories about how other's cope with their diagnosis and disclose while dating! 

Sending positive vibes!

[Herpes in the Black Community]

On 8/24/2019 at 11:03 AM, YoungandChanging said:

Wow so this group has made me feel so much better. So I guess I’ll tell my story. I am a 20 year old woman and I was diagnosed with hsv2 almost 6 months ago. I got it from my ex boyfriend. We were together for about 6 months and then we broke up for 3. In those three months he slept with a girl at his school, and lied to me when I asked him if he did (funny story about that, when we were broken up, I guess to piss me off being the abusive manipulating monster he is, he randomly sent me a video of him just laying on this girls bare ass... and tried to convince me there was no sex involved... lol!) I’ll be honest, i did meet a great guy while we broke up and slept with him twice. We used condoms and I didn’t have any symptoms with him, and he was a very health conscious person. I didn’t have any symptoms with the new guy, but I had bad symptoms 3 days after sleeping with my ex again. I know I got It from him. He expressed to me many times before how he never used condoms with anyone and he definitely didn’t use them with me. He just slept with girls and got tested after. (Stupid plan, btw) He wasn’t aware that herpes test weren’t apart of the usual std check up. He thought “one blood test tested them all” which I also debunked but he refused to listen to me, refused to go get tested, and continued to blame and ridicule me like I conjured this up in my own vagina all by myself.

I have an amazing gynecologist who I love and appreciate very much. She gave me some sites to research, and referred me to a counselor recently. She also gave me some kind words and sound advice about why I should continue to know my worth and not stay with this guy who clearly did not care about his own health let alone mine. She really helped me feel like a person again. She gave me the strength to leave that guy.  I think I have gotten passed the feeling like a hoe stage of having herpes. I’m very impatient with my depression so I try to move on quickly. Fast forward 5 months later and I’m happy with myself. I like being single and guys aren’t even attractive to me right now, except for one.

A week ago I met a guy who really wants to take me out. He followed me on Instagram back in July, even dm’d me but at the time I just didn’t entertain It. This week, he dm’d me again and I took another look, decided that I thought he was attractive and responded. This whole week we’ve been getting to know each other day and night and he’s very nice, extremely hilarious and his personality is even more attractive than his face. I get that it’s only been a week, and I don’t know him that well but the parts i do know intrigued me enough to agree to a date. We’re going on a date tonight. Dinner on a blanket and a walk in the park. Which I think would be the cutest first date.

look, I know I’m a bomb ass girlfriend. I know I can make someone very happy. I know people my age aren’t usually ready to settle, and that’s why I’m afraid to disclose. But i also refuse to be the person who doesn’t. I know how bad it sucks to get herpes from someone you trusted. I’m not totally ready to be together forever with anyone either,  but I still want healthy long lasting relationships, which feels totally impossible at my age in my community. I feel like this guy really likes me, the vibe is great. And as great as he thinks I am, I feel like this is going to completely damage his view of me. I know, it’s only been a week, but I’m more so thinking about the future too, if this doesn’t work out. When do I tell him, or any new person in general? Is the first date safe because It avoids heartbreak, or is it tapping out too quickly? I worry that if i wait too long, I’ll hurt him when I have to tell him, but if I tell him, or anyone, on the first date then I am giving him reason to run, I mean there’s nothing keeping him with me If I tell him now, even if he really does like me.

Im on suppressive therapy, I actually just started when i realized I wanted to date again. (I’ve had 3 outbreaks so far that weren’t that bad. I mostly just think taking the pills daily will make disclosing easier) I go to the gym, and I’m conscious about my health, i basically live in all my doctors offices. It’s truly healthier to date me than people not conscious of their health... but i digress. I want to date and get married and have my own children one day, I’m not ready to let go of this dream. But I feel like I do have to let It go because how can I expect someone my age, or at any age really, to take that risk with me? I certainly don’t think I would’ve taken this risk a year ago, ESPECIALLY if I didn’t know the person that well. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone,  but how do i convince people that i am not the plague, they will not die, and I’m still the person they liked when they first started talking to me. This got really long so I’ll stop here lol but thanks for any support! I appreciate It a lot!

I'm trying to find the answer to this question too. I actually started dating about 5 months after being diagnosed. I started dating this guy that I was very physically and intellectually attracted to. We clicked on so many levels and he always expressed a desire to "make me happy" as well as to be physical. I avoided sex for three months simply because I did not know how to tell him.  Dating for me has been cake until the question of disclosure comes up. I talk myself out of it because I want to at least know the relationship has the potential to be serious and that the person will be decent and respectful.