[My thoughts after 5 years being HSV+]

Great post. I wish I had read it a few months ago. 
I disclosed to my ex before we were together and I absolutely honestly believed if we were careful - that he wouldn’t get it.
I’m mostly asymptomatic and have only had mild outbreaks - so I thought the chances of him getting it were small. That said it was always on my mind because of how much I cared about him. 
I took daily medication and we used condoms every single time. There was probably like a 2-5% chance he would get it and he did. And obviously he is  so upset. 
I can not explain how bad I feel for passing it to him him as it is life changing as you say - and not in a good way. 
I know he will have to tell any new partner and will risk rejection and hurt and I feel I let him down badly. 
I know it is ‘just a cold sore’ (for most) but it affects mental health more and that’s what I struggle with. 
thank you for your frank and honest post!

[Disclosed last night - successful!]

Awwww that almost made me cry!!! That’s exactly how it should be! What a lovely man and I wish you both well.

It doesn’t and shouldn’t be this big deal. It doesn’t make us bad people or dirty or diseased like some people make us feel. 
That’s such a lovely thing to read and has made me realise that how my ex is behaving is just unreasonable and so unfair. 

[I just gave my partner herpes and he is devastated. Will he forgive me? How can I help him?]

Hope you are doing ok. It’s great that she’s being open with you while she tries to figure it out and work through it. I think that she’s showing she doesn’t blame you and while she may not feel ready for a sexual relationship right now - she might when things settle down. You are doing all you can and once you’re still communicating things can improve. 
hoping you both are feeling a little better!

[I just gave my partner herpes and he is devastated. Will he forgive me? How can I help him?]

Ah I’m so sorry to hear your story. One part of me is like ‘what the heck is wrong with everyone - it’s just a cold sore?? if it was the other way around I wouldn’t care once we were together’.

The other part knows how hard it is to have to tell someone and be rejected for it buts all just the stigma that’s associated with it and not the actual sores themselves as they can be managed. 
I don’t understand how someone can say they accept the risk and then turn and run and be angry and punish you when you don’t even know that you could be passing it.  You didn’t do it consciously- you would never want to hurt someone you care about. why is it so hard??
I’m still sad beyond belief and so upset with my situation but I can’t change it so I think I need to accept it and try to move on. 
I hope your girlfriend calms down and realises it’s not the end of the world. If she doesn’t I hope you meet the right woman for you soon and your heart heals. 
 

[Telling My Mom I Have Herpes]

That’s really lovely. My mum keeps asking about my breakup and is convinced we will get back together but I can’t tell her the reason as I think she and dad would be shocked beyond belief. 
it’s so nice to hear your mum support you like that and to have someone to talk things through in new relationships. 

[Feeling demoralized on a rejection on unprotected sex]

Hey I hope you don’t mind this answer but I really think that stopping was the best thing - for him and for you too. 
I say that because I was taking anti virals AND we used condoms and I had no visible sores and I gave it to my ex. It can happen and I would rather be in your shoes feeling upset about being rejected than feeling guilty because that 1 slip up left your ex with HSV.  I know rejection SUCKS - especially because of this - but the guilt of passing it on is worse. 
in a week or so you won’t care about the rejection - you’ll be relieved you didn’t take the risk. 
Deep breaths and move on. The right person for us won’t care about a cold sore. There are better ones out there. 

[Any chance?]

Hi I had an outbreak and then didn’t get another one for years and years and years. Stay healthy, happy and dress free and it will definitely help!

[I just gave my partner herpes and he is devastated. Will he forgive me? How can I help him?]

Ah thank you. I know you are right. He meant the relationship was broken beyond repair - but it did really hurt. 
He was so good about it, so understanding and telling me not to worry, it was his decision. It would be much easier if he didn’t have it and I could walk away guilt free but I will always feel bad for passing this on to someone. I would never want anyone to feel as bad as we all have here. Hopefully with time he will get his head around it. 
thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. It really helps stop my head exploding with guilt and sadness!!! 
 

[I just gave my partner herpes and he is devastated. Will he forgive me? How can I help him?]

Thank you for your insight. I think it goes out of all proportion in your head if you let it and I think that’s possibly where he is right now. 
I’m so upset as he knew and said he wanted to stay with me regardless but when he did get it he turned ran away. I’m so confused. We had been so so so so so careful - it’s just not fair. He says he doesn’t blame me but he must. He said we are ‘broken beyond repair’ but I didn’t even know I had done this and I would never have knowingly hurt him. 
I am giving him space and hope he can figure it out in his head. I thought if he did get it (years down the line) we would handle it together- but he doesn’t want me near him. 
maybe this is an excuse for him to end the relationship but it’s come from no where. 

[I just gave my partner herpes and he is devastated. Will he forgive me? How can I help him?]

On 5/21/2021 at 5:52 AM, My thoughts said:

You shouldn't feel bad. You proceded like the text-book. It's normal that you feel bad about it, but don't let it take your energy since you acted un the right way.

As a man, I can tell you that he is probably having all the thoughts we have when we get the virus:
- Nobody is gonna love me.
- I am dirty.
- How did I allow this in my life.
- This is my fault.
- I'll have this for the rest of my life.
- Everybody is gonna make fun of me.
- I don't want people to know about it.
- Should I stay in this relationship? I don't want to disclose this to a new person.

If he likes you, he will come back with you. Just let him think and give him space. I would suggest that you can tell him how you feel, without making a drama: that you like him; that you took care of him as much as you could, but it happened; you can imagine how he feels; that you feel bad; that you liked him since the beggining and disclose it as a sign of respect; that you still respect him; that you want to be with him; that you respect his decision. 
You did right and he knows he can't blame you. You got all his respect because of it as I can imagine when I read your story. I think he is processing how it will be having the virus, and assuming the condition, maybe. That's a possible interpretation.
In my case, the woman didn't disclose it to me. She disclosed ir after months in the relationship. I really loved her. In my case, not disclosing was the reason I ended the relationship. I couldn't forgive it and I still think that if she had disclosed before being with her, I'd have been with her.
I hope your guy figures out how he feels soon. 

Regards,

Thank you for your thoughts and insight. So much hurt and pain for a cold sore. How did such a small thing become so big and so shameful that it breaks up relationships and hurts so many people?

I don’t think our relationship will recover and I’m starting to accept that. I did my best and am so sad at what’s happened but I can’t do anything to change it. I guess if he loved me he wouldn’t care about this so I need to just try to move on. 
thanks again to those who replied. 

[I just gave my partner herpes and he is devastated. Will he forgive me? How can I help him?]

Thank you. I really appreciate the response. 

[I just gave my partner herpes and he is devastated. Will he forgive me? How can I help him?]

Does anyone read these or offer any support?

[Disclosed and rejected ...again]

I hear you. It totally sucks. It’s just a cold sore in reality but we totally beat ourselves up over it. 
I disclosed after 12 years single. He choose to stay with me and I was so happy but he had a change of heart and decided he ‘didn’t want to risk it’ after a few months. 
This is after he got a blister on his penis so I think he may be too late - even though I did everything to protect him(long story). 
It’s not fair and it really hurts. Especially when you’ve been so honest and open. 
I’m sorry for what’s happened to you. I know you have to stay positive. I think maybe these have dating websites might not be so bad. I wish you the best of luck. X

[I just gave my partner herpes and he is devastated. Will he forgive me? How can I help him?]

I hope that someone can please help me and provide some advice and insight.  I have had HSV2 for many years.  I got it from an ex boyfriend who cheated on me. It has taken me a long time to get over.  

I met my partner many years ago but we only got together recently.   He is a very kind, quiet and caring man. I am absolutely mad about him.  We began a relationship and I told him about my HSV2 before we had any physical relationship.  He thought about it and made the decision to stay with me. I went on Valacyclovir and we used protection EVERY time.  

He recently told me that he had an outbreak and is understandably very upset and has chosen to end our relationship.  I am so upset and want to help him. He said he doesn't blame me but I feel immense guilt and don't know how to live with this.   

If there is someone here who has been in a similar position could you let me know what happened? I can't believe I could have passed this onto such a kind and good man and that I have hurt him so much. For those men that this has happened to - can you provide guidance on what I can do to help him? Will he forgive me? Could the relationship ever recover? I am so upset and feel so guilty and bad for infecting him. Can I help him or should I just leave him alone?