HerryTheHerp
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Posts posted by HerryTheHerp
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Well, here's the thing. Just because it didn't measure viral shedding doesn't mean it was a flawed study. It just means that wasn't something they were interested in including within the parameters of the study. Is it a lapse/oversight they should have included? Well, it would have been nice, but that doesn't make the study flawed.
That said, I agree with a lot of what CR19 and Lotus said. There are some definite flaws in the way the study was conducted and tracked. But, I also add in the optimist approach that says what could it hurt? In fact, as someone who had shingles just a few years ago, the thought of getting a booster vaccine doesn't seem like a bad idea. I certainly haven't seen anything that would suggest a real risk of harm from doing so, but if anyone wants to correct me in that train of thinking, know that I hate needles and am all ears.
As far as studies, money, and research, well, I'm pinning my hopes right now on Fraser out in Australia. Gardasil isn't perfect, but he did manage to do something that no one else had done before. His Herpes vaccine is going into phase iii right now and it's had some good results in I and II. And, as much as I know big pharma likes money, Fraser wants to be the Jonas Salk of our time, even if it isn't a life threatening disease like Polio, it's a disease that affects millions adversely and he's aiming for a place in the history books, not a financial windfall. Plus, he's got an ego and I don't think he'd be promoting it the way he is if there wasn't some serious merit to his findings. That's just my opinion though.
And, let's be honest, a lot of the money that's being funneled into HIV research is yielding insights into things that are needed for HSV research. Things like how to reactivate latent viruses hiding out in the nervous system and not circulating in the blood stream, how to break down the molecular envelopes that protect them, and how to trick them into attacking cells that will kill them. These are all problems HSV vaccine researchers have been struggling with. Also, over the past few years, the scientists/researchers and drug companies have finally come to realize that some of the drugs they have, some of the strategies they're using can be cross applied to other conditions. That's why they looked at the anti-varicella zoster in regard to HSV.
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We hear it all the time, but what does it mean? I mean, do any of us really understand it? Are any of us really standing atop that point where we are flawless and infallible?
It came up in a couple of other discussion threads today, and I think it's a topic that deserves it's own thread because it's an important component of the H+ community. It is something we have to address, and of course, it means something different for all of us. So, let's get it out in the open and tackle the topic head on rather than dancing around it.
First, I don't think any of us are atop the moral high ground. Let's look at some of the things that got us all here:
"I didn't use a condom."
"I had premarital sex."
"I was promiscuous."
"I didn't get tested. I didn't make my partner get tested."
"I didn't discuss STD's with my partner."
"I didn't think my partner would lie to me."
"I didn't think I was at risk."
"I didn't, I didn't, I didn't."
The list of things we did, and things we didn't do is endless. But, the result is the same: We all have HSV1, HSV2, or both because of the things we did and didn't do. That's the cold hard reality of the situation, and we need to be honest with ourselves and others in acknowledging our own faults so that others won't make the same mistakes we did, and that we don't make the mistakes that others have.
For me, I got tested, I used a condom, I believed my partner when she said she'd been tested and I had nothing to worry about. As a child of the 80's, I should have remembered Reagan's admonition to "trust, but verify." I didn't and I have to live with that every day for the rest of my life, and it will be a long time before I fully forgive myself for my mistake. Yes, it was my mistake. Every one of us has to come to terms with how we got here, and that road has different starting points, twists, and turns for each of us. How we got here doesn't matter anymore. The point is we're here now, and how we each deal with this new virally enhanced state is our own choice.
If you ask me, we all fell off the moral high ground long ago. Some of us regain it and fall back off again. That's being human. When it comes to STD's like herpes, falling off that high ground has some serious consequences and we have to acknowledge that and can never forget it. That's a fact that everyone should be able to agree on.
Knowing we have the herps places a burden upon us that is enormous. It's the burden of truth. It's the burden of responsibility. It's the burden of integrity. None of us wanted to be here. Not one person wakes up and says "Today, I want to go to work, grab some lunch, and on the way home I want to contract herpes." All of us were shocked at the diagnosis, and that diagnosis changed us. It wounded us. It hurt us. It cheated us. It broke our spirits and shattered our dreams in an instant. It turned our lives upside down and there isn't a single person here who doesn't understand that. As such, it's our responsibility to do everything we can to educate, to support those within our community, and to work together stop the spread of this virus and the stigma that follows it.
And, here's the secret no one talks about because only a few realize that it exists.
If you look at the herpes burden as a gift instead of a punishment, the load suddenly becomes lighter because there's a lot of power in that gift. Yes, having herpes gives you power. Child of the 80's here, it's like the Force and it can be used for both good or bad.
That power has the incredible ability to make us strong, brave, honest, and compassionate. If we let this virus change us, but change us into the types of people that others admire and look up to, well then we've used that power to accomplish something amazing. As with any transformation, it's not easy and it can hurt as you climb the ladder back up to the high ground, but I promise you it's worth it.
By acting responsibly and helping others understand herpes, avoid herpes, and cope with it if they contract it, we also control the narrative. We control our bodies. We gain some control over our love lives. We earn respect in the process. If enough of us and climb that ladder at the same time, then the stigma, shame, fear, and embarrassment that we've all felt deep within our souls melts away in our lifetimes and we've done something that's truly changed the world. We create a world where others don't have to go through the experiences we've gone through.
I yield the soap box.
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Hey Ra, This is a new one I hadn't seen. Let me look into it more. You and Sun have peaked my curiosity.
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Suicide is a rather permanent cure for a skin condition. Do that and it's guaranteed that you'll never find love again. That's a high price to pay for someone else's recklessness with your health and emotions. It's too high a price for me, and the fact that you're posting on this board shows me that it's too high a price for you, too.
No one on this board wanted herpes. Not one of us. And, you're right. If we could choose not to be here, well, none of us would be here. But, you're wrong about the risks we'd take for love. That's all love is. It's one big risk. We risk getting our hearts broken, we risk losing the person we love, and yes, we risk catching diseases from the people we love.
And, you are a normal, healthy human being. You're hurting and we can all see that. That's why we're showing you our love by writing so that you know that not everyone in this world is out to hurt you, and that in your times of need, even total strangers will be willing to reach out their hands when you need support.
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Strawberry, those men were bastards. They were. I'm sorry they hurt you. But, those men aren't men. They're boys.
Now, I could tell you that you should be considerate towards men because not all men are like those guys. That'd be a pithy suggestion.
The truth is that you should be considerate towards all men because you believe that not all men are like those men, and you want to believe that there is good inside of everyone.
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That infatuated state of love is called lust. That comes from being horny, and most guys would screw a couch cushion when we're in that state of mind.
If you tell him, he has a choice. It's a big choice, but it's his, and will always be his. He'll respect you for giving that choice to him.
Now, if you break up, he might be upset. He might regret making that choice. It might hurt. There's quite a few people in this forum that have found themselves single with herpes after breaking up with their partners who gave them that choice. If you read through their threads, not one is angry at their ex. So, the disclosure has already started to help them heal.
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You can pretend you're the Queen of England or the reincarnation of Elvis for all I care, but the reality is that someday he'll see through that.
And, you don't know what will happen. None of us do. None of us have a magic crystal ball to foretell the future. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But, I can promise you this as if it were written in stone. If you pretend you don't have it, and he does contract it, he may forgive, but he'll never forget.
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That's a good question. Some stay, some leave, some stay because they feel trapped. There's a lot of different answers there. But, those who find out their partner knew and didn't tell them, they feel betrayed, hurt, used, cheated. That hurts the trust and it's tough to repair. In some cases, that trust is never fully repaired and it bleeds into other aspects of the relationship, eventually causing the relationship to crumble.
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Way to go! Remember, all the big fish in the pond started out as little fish in the pond.
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Valtrex and condoms will certainly help, as will avoiding having sex while you're having an outbreak or a prodome. That's for sure.
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But, you want to know what true love is. If you didn't, you wouldn't have posted.
I agree, most people don't know what it is. That's why the divorce rates are the way they are. They're that way because people have become selfish and forgotten that love isn't about taking something from a relationship, it's about giving it everything you are and have. There's a good letter you might want to read about marriage. It's an eye opener.
http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/
Love isn't about what you want. It's about what you want to give.
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No, it's not my problem. It's my choice. I respected this woman enough to trust her with my most personal secret. It's a secret that would have affected her. See, love and relationships that last are built on trust and honesty. In a way, I'm glad. If she can't handle herpes, then what would happen when cancer, or Alzheimer's, or Heart Disease come up someday?
You can be selfish, but as long you decide to be selfish, then you'll never understand what love is. You'll never understand how strong and powerful true love is and how it can carry you through the darkest of storms.
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Can't be sued, huh? You don't think that Valtrex prescription is logged and recorded? A simple subpoena is all it would take to end your little charade.
Yeah, I thought 4% was low. Love is selfish? Let me tell you something. Just after my little fling gave me this lifelong gift, I met an amazing woman. I'm 36 years old, and I'd been looking for her all my life. Fell head over heels. I disclosed because I cared about her. She won't return my emails or calls. I lost an amazing woman because someone took my right to choose away. I cried myself to sleep for weeks over that. I lost out on what could have been an amazing relationship because someone else thought love is selfish.
Love is not selfish. Love is giving. Love is healing. Love is sharing. Love is caring. Love is honesty. Love is integrity. Love is joyous. Love is risky. Love is powerful. Love always, always, always puts your partner above yourself. Love yourself by loving your partner even more and you'll discover just how strong a bond love can create.
What you're talking about isn't love, it's lust, and as a spiritual person, I don't need to remind you about the 7 deadly's.
You've let the men in your life make you bitter and angry. I don't like those kinds of men. Those are the kind of men who aren't men. They're boys. Men don't do those things to women. A real man respects a woman and brings out the best qualities in her. I'm sorry they hurt you.
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I don't think there's too much bogus information on the site, Ra. This is herpes, and it doesn't get any more real than what you'll find here. We are all bonifide students and experts in how to live with, cope with, and treat herpes simplex infection. Like Patch Adams would say, "Here, we are all doctors. We are all healers."
Herpes vaccines are definitely on the horizon. There are about 6 right now that are in various stages of development. Some have some real promise. Some have some real science behind them. Some are medical theories that are being tested.
But, the sad reality is that the vaccines are years away. For now, we are the vaccine. We are the medicine. We are the healing. Regardless of when or if a vaccine materializes (we all hope it does), we have to accept this for what it is; a skin condition that changed our lives.
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Well, it sounds like you've done some research. It's unfortunate that you've found the wrong answers. Now, keep in mind, you've dared me to come in and comment, so I've polished the boots up for a swift butt kicking. Read it all the way through, please. I promise I give you the courtesy of a reach around by the time I'm done.
Your gynecologists are wrong. They're very wrong and the snake oil they're selling you is very dangerous. It's one of the reasons this virus has infected 60 million Americans, and 540 million around the world. Viral shedding occurs between 5% and 20% of the year, more so during the first year of infection. Those are scientific facts that have been studied and reviewed. Here's a link to the findings of a fairly recent study:
http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/news/20110412/genital-herpes-silent-spread
I used a condom. I took a shower. I contracted herpes. My partner didn't tell me she had it, even though she knew. She might have given me HIV, too. Don't know yet. But, I'll tell you this, using a condom with HSV2 is about as effective as a cheese cloth and comes with an estimated 4% risk of transfer. I can tell you this, it's going to be a very, very long time before I forgive her, or myself.
So, you're going to go on suppressives. That's great. You're going to use condoms? Great, too. Still only lowers the risk to about 2% with perfect usage. That's a fairly big risk to be gambling someone else's life and emotions with. You don't have that right. The only right you have is to give them a choice, and as with all things in life, sometimes they'll choose to say no, and that's their right that you should never take away from them. Remember, love doesn't take rights away, it gives rights.
So, you think it's bad to give your partners a choice? You'd rather avoid rejection and deal with the consequences of not telling them? Alright, that's a choice, but let me outline this for you in very simple to understand terminology: That's a crime. Yes, that's right. It's a crime. If you don't want to disclose because you're afraid of rejection, then be ready to put on an orange jumpsuit and give up your rights or be broke for the rest of your life. Go ahead, here's a link where you can look up your state's rules on the subject. Some limit that crime to HIV, while others are very, very broad in their definitions. Then call Robin Williams, Derek Jeter, and Michael Vick up and ask what happens and how much you can get sued for when you know and don't disclose the fact that you have herpes.
http://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/transmitting-std-criminal-laws-penalties.htm
Now, go look in the mirror. You're not the person who wrote this. The virus wrote this rant. The stigma wrote this. The pain and the hurt wrote this. The fear wrote this.
The woman looking back at you in the mirror right now isn't that person but you've let the virus take control of the woman you are and can be. Look in her eyes. She's begging you. She's pleading with you. She's telling you she loves you and that you can't do the things you say you are going to. She's telling you that she loves you so much and that she wants to help you. That's why she let the fear, stigma, and virus write this, because she knows that if she doesn't reach out for help, she isn't strong enough to take back control of her life.
We can all read in your words just how deeply you're hurting. You need to get in and see a professional counselor. We'll be your virtual back-up, but you've got to get in and see someone face to face and have a physical shoulder to cry on that you can see and touch. You need to build your support network up so strong so that you get the tough love, the gentle support, and the courage and guidance to do like we all do and just put one foot forward at a time, one day at a time, one choice at a time.
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I've talked to some who say sex can trigger it for them. Those that aren't on suppressive pop a pill right before, and one the day after and it seems to help them. I even know one guy who is on suppressives who takes an extra one. Not sure about that, check with your doctor.
As far as condoms go, well, the FC2 is supposedly pretty good. It'll give you a little more protection from transmission because it covers the labia, and it feels better for him because well, he doesn't have a rubber band strangling his tallywhacker. From what I've heard it feels like wearing nothing at all for both partners.
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Klopz and her boyfriend, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First came love, then came herpes, then came the sacred rituals in Buddha's carriage.
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@stuckinarut
Way to start a thread! You've generated more discussion than most threads, and that's impressive. Next time start it off with something along the lines of "Tastes Great, Less Filling" or if you're really bold "Why the New York Yankees will always be better than the Boston Red Sox."
I hope you read through all of these, and take it all in because there is plenty of great advice within all of these comments. This is the world of genital herpes. It is scary. It is confusing. It is life changing. No one is judging you, not even me, and all of these comments and suggestions are for your benefit to help you get through this. You've made a choice to be here, and that's a big first step towards changing your life and making amends for what's happened. Many people never even take that step, but you have. Notice I say "what's happened" and not "what you did." I don't believe you did this; I believe the virus did this. You're letting the virus change you, and you can stop it cold in its tracks by not letting it do that ever again.
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@whatsallthehubbub
Our standards of integrity have to be higher than anything we've ever aspired to. HSV2, HIV, and other incurables have some hefty stigmas and consequences attached. Those stigmas are perpetuated by not taking the moral high ground, and being 100% honest and open about them with anyone we choose to be with. That's not a standard of this site, that's a standard for humanity. @stuckinarut can choose to take that advice, or not. Again, life is about choices, and we all have a choice when it comes to determining the kind of person we want to be. She's here. She's made the choice to atone and make things right. That's a first step up a long staircase she has to climb.
And, I fully agree. Everyone on this site has something to add, and we all come from different perspectives and positions. Some of us have given, some of us have received, and we're all dealing with this and the emotional and psychological damage it can cause. The worst consequence of which is to bury our heads in shame and put others at risk by letting us compromise our integrity and put people we care about at risk because of how deeply we are hurt and ashamed. The moment we do that the virus wins and we stop being the amazing, beautiful, caring, and wonderful people that we are. Pointing that out is not kicking someone when they're down; that's reaching a hand out and saying you can do better and we're going to help you find your true self again, here's how you fix this.
As far as being victims, well, we're all victims if you want to look at it that way. Some of us got here because of someone we loved and we knew the risks and accepted them, some of us got here because someone didn't know, and some of us got here because someone lied. It doesn't really matter, and there's no "better than thou" when it comes to having herpes. We're all here now regardless, and I've chosen to be a survivor. It's a choice, and you can make it to.
Part of being a survivor is to address head on the reasons that more and more people are finding their way to this forum. The vast, vast, vast majority of newly infected people are coming here because either someone didn't know, or someone didn't tell. The way we change that as HSV1 and 2 positives is by encouraging those of us who do know to be honest with ourselves and those we care about. If we do that, we can have a significant impact on the number of new transmissions. In turn, we'll be helping reduce the stigma, and we'll begin patching up the holes in our own hearts and souls that this virus creates. And, like any surgery, that's a process that can sting and hurt, but it's well worth going through if it can make someone whole again.
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Ashley, there are several reasons for that, and believe me, I'm doing a lot of research on it right now because I'm still within the window following my recent acquisition of HSV2.
HSV1 doesn't really increase the risk all that much. If it did, the whole country would have HIV. HSV2 on the other, does. Why is that? No one really knows, but here's some summaries and theories:
There are some studies that suggest HSV2 increases the number of white blood cells that are circulating. These are the cells HIV attaches itself to. When you have a blister and it heals, those white blood cells hang around the site where the blister was. They stay there permanently. This means that site becomes a potential site of infection.
Also, HSV2 opens up blisters. This makes it possible for direct fluid transfer. Open wounds make it easier for HIV to get into your bloodstream if they or the fluid they contain comes into direct contact with a mucous membrane or a wound that you may have.
Finally, there was one study that showed HSV2 increases the viral load of someone who also has HIV. Higher viral load = easier transmission. This is a single study. Other studies have not shown a correlation between HSV2 and higher viral loads. As a result, scientists aren't entirely sure if this is true or not.
Bottom line: If you have HSV2, you've got to be extra careful just to be on the safe side.
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@whatsallthehubbub
It's not about being a moral superhero. It's about being responsible. It's about not doing to others what others have done to us. We're adults, and if you're going to have sex, you've got to be adult about it because it has some pretty big consequences that come with it.
I'm far from perfect, and I've made plenty of mistakes in the past. I'm here because of a mistake and because I trusted someone. That's part of being human and I've learned from that. That's what life is all about. I don't always hold the moral high ground and there have been plenty of times when I've been called to task for that.
Having an STD like herpes comes with major responsibilities. Both to ourselves, and to our partners. Having herpes makes us more susceptible to doing things and acquiring things that can harm us, and harm others far worse than a few blisters ever can. If you think having a few blisters and a bruised ego is bad, try staring down a 90 day window period for HIV because someone lied to you and see how compassionate you become.
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Like I said, it's a good idea for people to know, and a dentists office is usually a lot more comfortable than a gynecologists. Still, I can foresee a lot of awkward conversations with teens and their parents on the horizon. That said, those are awkward conversations parents need to be having with their kids long before anything shows up on blood or swab tests.
And, oral herpes isn't that big of a deal in our society. It's so common that it's like air. Of course, genital is the same thing, just has that damned stigma attached.
On a side note, I was reading up on seroprevalence rates yesterday. 68% of women in Greenland have HSV2.
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Oh, great. As if people weren't already afraid of going to the dentist as it is.
"Well, let's see Mary. You have a cavity, we're gonna need to do a root canal, and oh yeah, you have a potentially cancer causing STD and an incurable skin condition." Yeah, that's going to make people feel even more comfortable...
Actually, it's not a bad idea. It's good for people to know, and it's good for people to get tested. But, boy, is it going to make a lot of teenagers leery of going to the dentist with their parents...gonna have to explain what they've been doing at band camp...
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Boy. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, and as a guy who acquired this little virus from a woman who just didn't feel comfortable telling me because she was afraid of the rejection, well, you've chosen to cross a line. It's a major line and you've made the situation far worse by doing so. There is no such thing as "protected" sex when it comes to herpes. Condoms might as well be a cheese cloth for the amount of protection they provide against herpes, and yes, I was wearing a condom when I got hit. Are you on suppressive therapy? If you were and you used condoms, your beau has a 2% chance per act of acquiring it. If not, those odds go up to 4%. Those are odds I lost and a lot of guys on this forum did as well. For those of us, men or women, who find ourselves in the boat of catching it from someone who knew and didn't tell, well, it adds an extra layer of shame, guilt, and hurt to the situation. We feel cheated and used, and for the rest of our lives we resent the fact that we weren't given a choice when one could have been presented.
So, what do you do now? First things first. You need to go look in a mirror and decide who you want to be. You need to decide whether you are a strong, caring, and honest woman who is going to own up to having this virus and be honest about it with people who care about her. Or, you can choose to bury your head in the sand and continue to lie and let this virus turn you into someone who is so ashamed of it that you're willing to put people you care about, and who care about you, at risk.
Even little white lies about menstruating are still lies. One lie leads to another, to another, and pretty soon your relationship is built on a shaky foundation of lies that a small breeze will bring crashing down. It's your choice, and yours alone who you want to be.
As far as the boat you're in, there's only one word you need to think about: Honesty.
You screwed up big time. In the world of STD's, failing to disclose is the worst thing you can do. It is a crime in some states, and you should fully expect that your beau is going to be angry. He's going to be hurt. You are going to seriously bruise, if not break, the trust he has in you. If you want to rebuild that trust, you're going to have to take responsibility for what you've done. How do you do that?
1. Stay calm. Get all the facts about transmission risks and put them together. Memorize them. Burn them into your mind. If he doesn't storm off immediately, he's going to have a lot of questions and unless you're a herpes expert, well, it's not going to go well. Expect him to be angry. Expect him to be afraid. Expect him to be just as concerned as you were when you acquired it. You've unfairly put him on a roller coaster without his knowledge, and you can fully expect him to be scared and hurt.
2. Tell him your story. How'd you get it? How long have you had it? How long have you known you've had it? He's going to want to know. This is all cards on the table time.
3. Apologize. Be sincere about it. I'd avoid giving him the whole "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to be rejected, or feel less sexy, or whatever" spiel. That's an excuse, and that's not going to go over well. A simple "I screwed up big time, I didn't want to put your health at risk, things happened before I could stop them, and now I feel terrible about it" will do.
4. At this point it's not about you. It's about him. Your feelings, your emotions, your hurt, guilt, shame, etc. Those are back burner items until HE brings them to the forefront. Right now, you keep the focus on how he feels, how he hurts, how he's concerned. Once he gets through those emotions, then let him be the one to bring your feelings, emotions, hurt, guilt, and shame back to the table. Give him the control over that.
Now, I'm not going to absolve him completely from his responsibility if he didn't ask before you guys did the deed. A lot of guys don't, and sometimes they end up paying for it. You didn't say if he asked or not, so I'm assuming he didn't. If he did and you lied, that's going to be a dealbreaker. And, while he does bear some responsibility if he didn't ask, the onus and burden in a situation like ours is that it is always, always, always, let me say that again, always our responsibility to tell partners even if they don't ask. That's of course on top of the whole STD questions you should have asked him. And, yes, that's a burden for both of you to bear. Herpes is a minor bug, but it does make it much easier to acquire other viruses that aren't so easily treated.
Remember that so that you can protect yourself, and your partners in the future.
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How do I relieve the herpes itch while out and about?
in General herpes discussion
Posted
Tried oragel, anbesol, no dice for me.
Aloe and zinc cream (diaper rash ointment) helped with the itch/pain considerably. Lidocaine would have been a Godsend, that's for sure.
Still waiting to hear from someone who's had the guts to try the nail polish remover suggestion from a few weeks ago...