HerryTheHerp
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Posts posted by HerryTheHerp
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Hi Parrot,
You have beautiful wings and shouldn't let this experience clip them for you. You did the right thing, and you did it at the right time. You sound like you're second guessing a little bit and you shouldn't do that. That said, there are plenty of resources that Adrial and others have put together to help you get through your next disclosure.
1. Have I had the negative disclosure reaction? Not quite like you, but I've been there and it hurts. I had a discussion about herpes and indirectly disclosed to a woman that I've known for a while now and have come to truly care for. Her reaction wasn't exactly negative, but she made it clear she'd never date anyone with the virus. Honestly, I can't say my reaction pre-diagnosis would have been any different. Are we still friends? Yep, good friends, but I haven't brought it up again and have decided to let the possibility of a romantic relationship slide. But, it's still there in my heart, and yeah, it stings a bit considering how well we truly get along and the commonalities we share.
2. Any tips? Each situation and each person are different. You'll just have to feel them out each and every time. Trust your heart. Your heart will never lead you astray. In general, in person is always the best way to do anything like this. Text, email, phone are way too impersonal. You're talking about having a sexual relationship with someone and that's about as personal as it gets. Discussing sex in person, well, that's always the best route. Also, the more you know, the more comfortable and confident you are with the condition, the more confident and comfortable they'll be. Turn yourself into a herpes expert, because people may "think" they know herpes, but in truth, the vast majority of people don't. In fact, when you tell them the stats, you're likely to blow their minds. Don't let them do their research on their own; Google is a perfectly horrible place full of bad info on herpes, and quite frankly, much of it is wrong.
3. Is it possible to be friends with this guy at this point or in the future? Well, I have to take Butterfly's position on this one. Why would you want to? In fact, I wouldn't want to based on what he wrote. Yeah, I can see where he's coming from, I can also see that he's got some issues that might not make him a good long-term friend or boyfriend. You trusted him with something deeply personal. You opened your heart to him and that's far more valuable than other places you considered letting him go. Like WCS would say, he wasn't really that into you, he just wanted to get into you.
Does his choice make him a bad person? Nah, it doesn't. Does it make him a jerk? Nah, you're right, it doesn't. I think he could have handled it a bit more tactfully, but that's a sign of maturity more than anything, and not necessarily a sign of character.
For now, let sleeping dogs rest. Don't email him, or text him, or call him. If he calms down, thinks it over some more, maybe he will come around. Maybe, but don't pin your hopes or your heart on it. If he does, talk with him, let him talk, then see if there's something more to what was developing between you two.
As far as the trust issues go, well, the older you get, the more you have. Those of us with herpes, well, almost all of us have trust issues because many of us were lied to or not disclosed to, and well, here we are. Make sure you work through your own trust issues, too. Remember to trust yourself and your instincts above everything else.
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Came across this today and it's worth sharing and reading because the key to keeping herpes from controlling your life isn't in the pill bottle in the medicine cabinet. The key is making sure you are a strong person on the inside. It's not always easy, and there are days when the bumps and blisters can seem far larger than they really are. Here's a little reminder that's worth reading in those moments when the herpsie derpsies start to take over your mind.
http://elitedaily.com/life/15-things-that-emotionally-strong-people-dont-do/
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Lelani, Ebay. Lots of FC2's on there for a fraction of the cost. Something like $1.50/US a pop. I mean a shot. Sorry, $1.50 a poke. Damn, how many sexual innuendos can I insert into the discussion. Damn, I did it again. Ok, I'm just gonna stop now.
Caligirl, You'll know you're shedding most of the time, but not all the time. Common symptoms of shedding include the prodome feelings of tingling and stinging. You might also develop a little red patch of skin. Other than that, it's anyone's guess and the vast, vast majority of people don't know when they're shedding and when they're not.
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OMG, I just watched that video and I'm on the floor laughing so hard I can barely type. Seriously, this belongs on the pages of the Enquirer it's so laughable. This thing has taken tidbits of truth, spun them into something to scare the hell out of viewers, and then promises to "unscare" you by giving you the miracle cure?
All I have to say is if this "Dr. Dad" was so gosh darned good, he'd be the most popular and well known man in the United States and his name would be scribbled on bathroom stalls from Tampa to Toledo.
Your depression is coming from your stressing over the H'man. And, yes, it's causing you to be tired. Solution: Stop stressing, focus on your awesome new job, and remember to look yourself in the eye every morning and say "I love you, no matter what." Do that and I guarantee you will discover the "miracle" cure these guys are promising to sell you with a 60-money back guarantee just as soon as we can pry the funds from our Cayman bank accounts.
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Hi Kathy,
Welcome, and stay off Google. Searching for information on herpes via Google is a lot like trying to learn about gynecology by taking lessons from Larry Flynt. Sure, you might get some good information but the vast majority is just going to make you sick to your stomach.
You're in a safe place, and no one will judge you here. Well, unless you're a Red Sox fan, in which case I can't make any promises.
I'd say I'm glad you're here, but that's kind of pithy given the circumstances. Instead, I'll simply say welcome to the family. We're a little like the mob in that we all have an embarrassing skin condition that we don't talk about in public, will offer unconditional love and support, will defend you vigorously as if you were our own flesh and blood, and can practice tough love or unconditional support all in the same conversation.
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Chief, I can relate on so many levels that it's like reading my own story. Adjust the ages a little bit and I could have written this myself.
Life's a joke, and the only people who don't find it funny are those who don't take the risks and shun the challenges when they arise. I've taken risks and gotten skinned knees, depleted bank accounts, and an incurable STD. That's life, but when I get up to the Pearly Gates and St. Pete asks, "Well, what did you think?" I'm gonna look him straight in the eye and say "That was fun. Now what the hell is up with the Platypus, man? Seriously, a venomous mammal is a sign that someone up here spent a little too much time on the ganja pipe." Then we'll talk about herpes and all the other stuff once we get that all important question out of the way.
Your life is not over. Your life is not over until they put you in the nursing home and force feed you jello shots until you can't take it anymore and decide that death is preferable to listening to the guy in 4b ramble on about his great grandchildren and how back in his day people wore Spandex and listened to Twisted Sister. At that point, you'll decide that it's time to check off the final item on your bucket list as you strip buck naked as the day you were born and go dancing on the Santa Monica Freeway during rush hour. Hey, my motto is, if you're going to go out, go out as a headline.
So, welcome to the community. WCS is the forum mom, I'm the crazy but well meaning uncle, and you have plenty of brothers and sisters here who are looking forward to getting to know you.
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Kate, listen to mom. She's tough but she bakes mean cookies and can make even the mopiest of us get up and dance when we're having a rough time. She's forced me back out on the dance floor more than a few times this month.
I'm going to agree with WCS in saying you shouldn't put up with abuse in a relationship, married or not. Any man who would treat a woman like that isn't a man, and I can't be any blunter than that. Real men take that whole "For better and worse, sickness and health" as a mantra for living, not just a line to recite before the cake is served.
As far as your attitude towards yourself goes, well, be kind. No one wants herpes. No one likes having herpes. The physical symptoms can be annoying but the real damage is in our mind. It eats at who we are and how we value ourselves. I know. I just found out myself not that long ago and still go through what you are going through. Even the long-timers on here will tell you they went through the same thing. But, the reality is that you're no different than you were yesterday, or the day before that, or the decade before that. The person you are inside is still there and you can't let this virus get to that sweet woman who you've always seen in the mirror.
Cheer up. You've found the best and most supportive herpes community on the planet. Whether you're having a good day or a bad day, you're never going to be alone as long as you keep coming here.
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It could be anything under the sun, and it's not necessarily herpes related. Get some cortisone cream to relieve the itch and you should be just fine.
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Yeah, itching is quite normal. Try some aloe or some zinc cream. Both will help that considerably.
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Yes, that second OB can come right on the heels of the first. Mine did, and it's a bummer. The symptoms will vary for all of us, but they can include more prodomes, more blisters, and of course the standard aches/pains. Generally speaking, the flu symptoms will be gone so headaches, fatigue, loss of appetite, etc. probably won't be part of the symptom list.
As far as the drugs go, absolutely get more. You should be able to get a prescription discount card from Walmart in which case I think a 30 day supply for Acyclovir is something like $12.
As far as frustrating and frightening, well, we all understand. But, remember that it does get better in time, the pain does diminish, and the disease is quite manageable. Hang in there, the first few months are the worst, but there is a rainbow on the horizon.
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Welcome to herpes! Yes, it's more fun than a period, menopause, an audit, and a visit from your mother-in-law all rolled into one. It's so fun that it's recommended 2 to 1 by ASU grads when compared to gonorrhea, syphilis, and the dreaded "I'm late" phone call with some guy named Rob that you did shots with at Pedro O'Horney's.
First, it sounds like you have a great relationship with your boyfriend. Keep talking, keep standing by each other. Like you said, that helps tremendously. Second, you and your boyfriend need to go get tested for both HSV1 and HSV2. It doesn't sound like you know which you're dealing with and it's important for both of you to find out. If you and your boyfriend have been together exclusively the past 6 months, your tests will be 100% accurate at this point.
As far as treatments go, there's a lot you can do for the pain. Personally, I found prescription strength pain relievers to be a Godsend for that first OB. After that first one, a simple aspirin has been enough. You might also want to try adding some extra Lysine to your diet and rubbing the affected area with aloe cream and/or zinc cream; both of which really help soothe the skin. You will also want to meet with your doc and get a prescription of Valtrex or one of the others so you have it on hand and ready to go for subsequent OB's.
You're not nuts, and yes, most of us have missed a day or two of work because of this li'l virus. I work at home and spent the first week of my first OB wearing a kimono or walking around naked. Well, ok, I do that normally, but that week I blame it on the herpster.
And, yes, the pain you're experiencing is quite normal for a new infection. It's your body adjusting to the virus and it'll come and go at random for a while. I get pains all over my body that come from out of the blue and go away just as suddenly. They do get better and less severe in time, maybe not by the second OB, but they do start to diminish. It's like a roller coaster, that first drop is the worst, and gradually the virus loses steam and slows down as long as you take steps to reduce stress and live a healthier lifestyle.
Anyway, keep reading the forums, keep searching through the info, and if you have any questions, post 'em to the board and someone will always respond.
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Hi Joan,
Chin up and don't put away your dance card just yet. Sounds like you have plenty of life left to live and this site is just the place to help you get back on track.
First, HSV1 at your age is about as common as colonoscopies and weekly alerts from AARP telling you about the latest specials at Denny's. In fact, about 80% of people 70 and up have HSV1 antibodies in their blood. So, the guy that dumped you, well, he's either senile or didn't bother to do his homework to know that fact.
Second, Dating sucks regardless of if you are 20 or 90. It's tough, especially after having been married for as long as you were. You need to build a strong local support network if you don't have one already. Get out there, stay active, do things that make you happy and with others that enjoy the same activities you do.
Finally, there's no reason you shouldn't have both a sexual and emotional relationship with someone. Honestly, both would be good for you. Now, an admonishment from someone who had to have this talk with his uncle not long ago. Talk about an awkward moment having to remind your uncle to use condoms the same way he did back when I was in High School, but hey, that's the world we live in. So, wrap it up before you get down to business. STD rates among seniors (sorry) are rising rapidly and you need to educate yourself on everything from HIV to HSV2. The more you know, the happier you will be, and the more quality men you will attract into your life.
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As soon as it's payday I'll be dropping some coin in the jar. This site is truly an island in the storm and it's time to give it the funding it needs to shine its light even further into the darkness that so many people are in.
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I spent last night talking to a well hung butch lesbian in a bar not far from my apartment. Seriously, this woman had the longest tongue and biggest fingers I've ever seen. We talked about a lot of things and as we talked I realized just how tough she really was. To say she kick starts her own vibrator and rolls her own tampons would be an understatement.
Aside from the fact we both had a bit of facial hair and love sleeping with women, we didn't have all that much in common. But guys, let me tell you that if you're ever having trouble figuring out how to please a woman, don't ask your girlfriend or your wife what to do. Seriously, ask a lesbian. The suggestions she gave me in one evening would make Dr. Ruth blush and fill up the pages of Cosmo for a month.
But, I digress. The reality is that last night this butch lesbian convinced me that I can in fact live with herpes. Yep, having a permanent STD sucks, but it's manageable and, well, I'll be honest in saying that since the "Big H" specter has passed that it's scaring me less and less.
And, I realized that what really bothers me the most right now is the Sexually Transmitted Emotions (STE's) that came with herpes. That's the part of having this particular STD that really sucks because with each prodome, each blister, each annoying little itch I'm reminded of the weekend my health got clipped. I'm reminded of my own lapse in judgment. I'm reminded of how I opened my heart up to someone who stomped on it. And, I'm reminded that until there is a vaccine I'll have to include the STD disclosure in the pillow talk long before the candles have been lit and the flower petals strewn about. And, that hurts. That stings far worse than the physical symptoms because it adds a layer of complexity to my sex life.
So, how am I going to deal with it? I'm going to laugh about it. I'm going to laugh in the face of stigma. And, I've decided that each time I disclose, it's going to start out the same way...
So, a guy walks into a bar...
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Yes, if you haven't built up the antibodies yet. Should take between 3-6 months, then after that you should be good to go.
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Lysine seems to help. I've been experimenting to see whether it's real or just placebo. So far, it does seem to help balance things out.
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Welcome to the world of enlightenment. Most of us were pretty clueless about HSV1 genitally prior to getting it. Thank goodness for quality sex education, huh?
Well, good news. If you have genital HSV1 (I'm assuming they type tested it, right? If not make sure they do so you know for sure it's not HSV2) HSV1 genitally is much more tame. It quiets down and you'll probably never notice it again.
Transmission while you are on supressive therapy, avoiding sex during prodome or outbreaks, and using condoms consistently and correctly will reduce the risk to your beau to about 1-2%.
You will want to use dental dams if your boyfriend goes down on you. That will help prevent transmission to his mouth considerably.
You may get outbreaks in your mouth. That's possible. You will just have to wait and see. You can have HSV1 in both places if you kissed the guy and he went down on you as well. You can autoinoculate yourself (transfer from your genitals to your mouth) within the first few months after you are infected. After that, it's not possible. It can happen, but the odds are millions to one.
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Well, most guys like talking about sex. We like talking about the fun sides of sex. Lingerie, lube, positions, no problem. STD's? Pregnancy? Not so much. It's a downside of our biological make-up. It's an awkward conversation to be sure, but it's what separates men from boys.
Staying celibate has advantages, but after a while that vibrator just won't cut it anymore. There's a lot to be said for having human companionship in your life. And, in the end, life is one huge gamble. Those that stay at home and never take the risks never fully enjoy all that life has to offer. Sure, if you step outside you might get a bruise or a bump, but you might also soar to the heavens. You never know unless you give it a try, and I for one decided that I'd much rather take my risks with the bruises than develop couch sores.
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Welcome from the shadows. What you wrote was spot on and something everyone in this forum can relate to in so many ways. The evolution of ourselves through the diagnosis and how it changes everything about us, yet leaves us better in the end and gives us a whole new perspective on life, love, and the future that we want for ourselves.
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Pain. I'm taking a pill right now. I'm downing Lysine. I can feel tingling in my legs and on my butt.
This is not a good morning. Not a good morning at all.
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Aight, we gave you the first half. Now, we're gonna show you some football. Just wait. It's all part of the strategy.
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Exposure to sunlight can cause outbreaks of either type. As such, you'll want to be careful not to overdo it.
Remember, what triggers an ob for one person, may or may not trigger it for the next. Thus, the only way to find out if it triggers one for you is to go hang 10 and get a tan, dude.
You have to think of your body as a giant petri dish right now. Put on a white lab bikini and see what happens as you experiment. Each of our body's are different, the chemistry is different, the immune systems, the reactions, etc. are all variable.
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Not sure I'd use the raisins as a mascot for herpes. Seems almost perverse. But, I think I could come up with a herpes rap.
Herps. Get 'em off. Herps. Get 'em off. You got a girl. You gotz your fantasies. Think about the things you really want to do to me. Are you horny? Wanna get off? Herps. Check 'em out. Herps. Check 'em out. Read about bumps and blisters and her really annoying little sisters. Talk about transmission, and prevention. Wrap it up before you tap it out. Herps. Get checked out. Herps get checked out.
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I just wanted to suggest that any Seahawk fans such as Victoria might want to boost their suppressive dosage starting about now. It's going to be a long weekend for you as you await the plucking your team is about to receive on Sunday.
You might want to keep some aloe, lysine, and an extra Valtrex or two right next to the chips and salsa because Manning and the boys from Denver are going to be dishing out bumps and bruises which might lead to a few prodomes and blisters for you.
But, don't fret as you watch the best team in football trample your Super Bowl dreams and reveal your favorite team to be nothing but a bunch of dirty seabirds in the process. We'll be sure to head to the local parks after the game and toss some bread crumbs to their biologically distant cousins who would have had about the same chance of defeating the best offense and defense in the NFL.
And, for everyone else watching the game, and especially those newly diagnosed...
Keep in mind as you watch and see all those fans cheering in the stands that roughly 17,000 of the cheering, laughing, and smiling fans you'll see have HSV2, and over 40,000 will have HSV1. You'll be able to recognize them by...oh wait, just like you, me, and everyone else, you won't be able to unless they tell you.
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Tea tree oil and herpes outbreaks?
in General herpes discussion
Posted
You want to make sure the tea tree oil is seed free. Last year there was this guy down in Brazil who used some on the pimples on his butt and before he knew it he started receiving letters from Greenpeace saying he couldn't shave his butt anymore because it violated some obscure law on deforestation. Now the guy really has a stick up his bum.
I've used tea tree oil and like Adrial said, it's a good idea to water it down until you know how your body will react to it. I would not apply it to areas such as the labia and certainly never internally. Anywhere else you should be fine to apply it, let it soak for a while, and if it still stings/burns after a few minutes, wash it off.