HerryTheHerp
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Posts posted by HerryTheHerp
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Happy Birthday! Hope you have a wonderful day full of family, friends, and lots of love!
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That's a common story; about 80% of people who have either HSV1 or 2 don't know they have it. This virus is sneaky that way.
Women definitely get the short end of the stick when it comes to STD's, and they are far more susceptible to them than we are. But, the way I see it, the whole multiple orgasm thing evens the score out.
Longest period of time? That's a tough question. I've seen one couple on another forum that was at 30 years. It is such a variance simply because there really is a lot of luck that goes into that. Even with careful planning, condoms, suppression, etc., it's a crap shoot.
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Hey, don't beat yourself up. That's a bad road to go down. Stay positive. Positive thoughts. You'll be fine!
It's never easy to disclose to a new partner. It gets easier, but it's never a walk in the park. Let the chips fall where they will; wherever they fall, know you've got a lot of friends here who have your back.
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While I can't recommend "trying" to catch it, the reality is that HSV1 is so minor it might as well be the New Kids on the Block of STD's. It's annoying and frustrating at times, but for the most part doesn't do any real damage.
HSV1 genital sheds very infrequently, and so the chances you'll catch it are lower than most. That said, there's a good possibility your partner has it orally, too. Not a definite, but possible. Either way, I wouldn't worry about it. 80% of the population has 1 and, well, we lead normal lives without any worries.
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How and why? You had sex. That's it. That's how. That's why. Is it fair? No. Is it easy? Hell no. Is it life? Yep, that's all it is. Now, get off the internet. It's a waste of time.
Your friend from med school is an idiot. Beat 'em with the stupid stick. Is it possible that you'll date someone and give it to them? Sure is. Is it possible you won't? Sure is. There are couples together for decades who never transmit it. Fact.
90 miles is not long distance. I've conducted relationships with oceans between us. 90 miles is a commute.
Will he reject you? Only one way to find out...
Get yourself educated on herpes. The risks, the transmission routes, the preventative measures you can take, the whole kit and kaboodle. The more you know, the easier you can tell him and answer his questions.
Chin up. You found the right place for advice. We'll all help guide you through this.
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You're right on the money. The conversation is usually the worst part of H. It really is. It's the part where we're most vulnerable, and the rejection because of H hurts worse than the symptoms ever do. Been there.
You're gonna get through this. Let the shock subside, then put one foot in front of the other. If he cares about you, he's reading everything he can right now. My advice: Talk to his brother. Give him the resources he should be reading, then have him pass those along. Guide him. If the horse steps up to the trough to drink, well, you'll know it's not a horses ass you were dating.
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Ok, Bel. The first year is the hardest. Your body is adjusting. Your mind is adjusting. Your heart is adjusting. It's a big adjustment. But, it will get better if you stay positive, and stay focused on the future. The coulda's, woulda's, and shoulda's will only bring you down. They're regrets; we all have them. We all have the choice to carry the baggage or set it down. I'll tell you from experience, life's a lot easier if you leave the bags by the side of the road and travel light.
You're mad at the guy? I get that. I was mad, too. All of us who have been in your position where the other person knew and zipped their lips feel your anger and relate to it. Now, ask yourself: does it do you any good to be angry at them? Nope. Now, try to pity them. Imagine the reasons they didn't tell you and why they didn't. Were they malicious, or were they scared of you rejecting them? Think about that carefully. Either way, pity will warm your heart; anger will set it on fire and burn it to a crisp. Choose wisely as you only get one life, and a warm heart feels better than a charcoal briquette.
This forum is full of people who understand how you feel. Vent to us, talk to us, share with us. No one, and I mean no one, is going to judge you here. Might offer some tough love from time to time, but I judges don't last long here.
My advice is multi-fold. First, if you're not on suppressive therapy, go see a doctor about that. It sounds like it might really help you out. Second, learn to meditate. There's lots of ways to do it, but it will help you heal both physically and emotionally. Third, stay positive. I know you're trying, and we all do, and our confidence ebbs and flows with this thing. When it ebbs, look yourself in the mirror and give yourself a pep talk. Even if it's through tears, you'll soon see those tears start to fade.
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Hi Ken,
We're human. We make mistakes. It sucks, but that's the reality.
Now, as far as your wife spreading HSV1 to her finger if she already had it? Not possible. After about 4-6 months of infection, you can't auto-innoculate another part of your body. Doesn't work that way. Also, if you did have HSV2, I'd expect to see it somewhere else first and not on a finger.
So, to tell her or not to tell her. Going to agree with Dancer here. You need to tell her. You crossed a big line, and well, it's gonna hurt her pretty badly. I've been cheated on; I know how it feels, and I'm going to tell you that you've got a hard row to hoe to win her trust back. If you're up for it, and she's willing, it just might be worth it to save your relationship.
I also don't think you are dealing with a new herpes infection. Stomach aches and toothaches are not typical symptoms. In fact, they're not symptoms at all of this li'l virus. So, I think you can relax a little there. You should still get tested at between 4-6 months out to be sure, but from what you wrote, doesn't sound like H at all.
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First things first. Welcome to the most supportive H'positive community on the web. You're in a good place and you will find lots of support here.
Alright, so you were falling in love with the guy and he shot you down. Happens all the time. Too short, too tall, too old, too ugly, smelly feet, doesn't brush teeth, has herpes. There are lots of reasons people get rejected. It sucks that the H was the reason, but if it wouldn't have been that, it could have been something else. Keep that in perspective; it really does help to do that.
I'm assuming you're under 25. That's a tough demographic, especially for disclosing. Now, as far as the fairy tale, let me tell you a secret: the fairy tale is a myth. It doesn't exist. Nothing and no one is perfect. Your Prince Charming has just revealed a character flaw; and better now that after you've got a ring on your finger. Today it's herpes, 50 years from now it's cancer. Stuff hits the fan and gets serious, do you really want a guy by your side who couldn't handle a skin condition? I don't, and I don't think you do either.
Who the hell says you have to settle? You don't. You should never settle for second best. You shouldn't get too picky, but you should realize that there are traits and things that are "non-negotiable" and others that well, they're not deal breakers. Make your list, then look for that guy.
Now, I know it hurts. We've all been rejected in our lifetimes, either because of H or because of something else. It's not fun and it stings like hell. For now, let yourself feel the hurt, and let it temper your heart. Give the guy some time. If he feels the same way about you that you do about him, well, he'll come around. He'll get educated. He'll realize you're worth the risk.
Take a breath. Get educated, and get confident. When he comes back around, that'll help things considerably. The more comfortable and confident you are, the more relaxed and comfortable he'll be.
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Well, canker sores are not herpes; their cause is stress, anxiety, and a few other things, but not herpes.
You'll definitely want to keep the benzocaine away from the vajajay. That's going to sting something fierce as you've already discovered. Try some aloe or some lemon balm; both work really well at soothing the pain and stimulating the healing process. And, I guarantee you, sting less than your present attempts.
Six months between OB's is good. I'm currently at the same time-mark and hoping I don't ever see another one.
As far as the healing process, it usually takes between 4-10 days. You'll get a prodome, followed by a blister (maybe, in your case, it sounds like yes), that will pop usually within a day, then the skin begins to heal. It's just like a regular blister. Put some ointment on it, and let your body take care of it. If your blisters are on thin skin such as the labia, it could take a little longer as blisters on skin that is thin and typically moist heal slower.
Valtrex is the name brand; go get a prescription for Acyclovir, and go to Wal Mart to get it filled if you really want to save some money. It's the same stuff but costs a whole lot less. It won't do you any good for this OB, but might come in handy for the next one (Hopefully, there won't be!)
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Patience. Patience is a virtue. With patience love and relationships grow. If you haven't heard from him by the weekend, then start to worry. For now, stop watching the clock. Get out there, go on a date with your girlfriends, and live life. It's too short to wait on someone who doesn't call. Who knows? You just might meet a nice guy who wants to talk all the time.
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Oh darling,
This story sounds all too familiar. I'm sorry you are having to go through it. I've spent the last 6 years helping my sister through a very similar situation. It sucks, and believe me, I understand the frustration and the hurt. It's not fair. It's not right. Your ex is the kind of boy I'd like to meet in a darkened alley.
I'm gonna tell you this though. It's the same thing I told my sis: "That kid" looks up at you and sees his whole world. He sees a mother who loves him more than anything else in the world, and that's all that matters to him. Sure, there's an ache in his heart not knowing his dad. I'm gonna tell you from experience that the ache will never go away...but it will dull over time. As long as you give him all the love you can, he's going to grow up and become the man his never was. Teach him to love, respect, and cherish women. Teach him the right way to treat people. Teach him that bad things happen and make us stronger and able to help others. And, when you do that, one day you'll wake up and you'll see that you've fallen in love with a true man, and when you set him free into the world, he's gonna set some poor woman's heart on fire.
Keep your chin up. Get a dammit doll. If that doesn't work, I have connections in the Voodoo underworld. I'm not above using pin cushions and potions as negotiation tools...
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Yeah, start going for the nice guys. We're understanding, caring, compassionate, and very attentive lovers. We may not be rock stars, fashion models, quarterbacks, or weight lifters, but we'll always lend an ear, provide a shoulder to cry on, and be there to cheer your hopes and dreams along.
Yay! Nice Guys!
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Happy Easter, Nic! We are all doing wonderful and glad to see you!
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The first one is always the worst. They get much better and much less annoying in time. We're glad you're here with us, and believe me, every one of us knows just how valuable this forum and the people it gathers are.
You're far from alone, and for every person you see commenting on the boards, 50 more are reading the posts and learning without commenting.
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Right now I have 9 singles, and 1 couple. Anyone who is interested in participating, send me a message. The process has started and this book is going to change people's lives and help encourage others going through the "H process" that there is a very bright light at the end of the tunnel if we just keep walking towards it.
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They're the same thing. Sexually transmitted disease = Sexually transmitted infection. It just depends on who is writing it up. Some are curable, some are not. Some will kill you, others just irritate you.
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I've used both it and aloe. Both work very well. I highly recommend either/or.
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Symptoms subside in their own good time. There's really no way to say when or how long. My first OB lasted two solid weeks; itchiness/tingles still come and go from time to time, but nothing has lasted as long as that first one.
Your cold could have triggered it. When your immune system is busy with other things, well, that's when the H likes to come out and play. Next time that happens, do what I do and give it a stern talking to and send it back into the nerves to sit and think about its bad behavior.
As far as L-lysine, I take about 1000 mg a day during an OB or when I feel the tingles. It works for me. The rest of the time I don't take any at all.
Welcome to the group, and I'll tell you from experience that if you keep a positive outlook and smile, those hills on the roller coaster get a lot less steep.
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Could be. Could also be that you were simply sweating, skin got irritated, and you have what's called in high school locker rooms across America as "Monkey Butt."
I know the woman I got H from got a red rash on her legs (Would have liked to have known that was a physical symptom beforehand!)
Try not to stress out too much. I know since I contracted it in November my butt's been a littler sore than usual, with occasional flare ups back there. Not sure if it's H or not, but, uh, I'm not pulling out the mirror to check. If it is, it is. Better there than other places if you know what I mean. See, I had a talk with my herpes when I contracted it. We came to an agreement; it can attack the ankles (autoinnoculated my dumb ass self), my butt, or my thigh. It's not allowed to touch anything else. So far, it's stuck to its end of the agreement.
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You went to Plant Parenthood? Sounds like a gardening store. I'd be careful taking sexual health advice from a gardener. Sure, they're helpful at making things grow, but this is a weed you want to wither on the vine.
I know, I'm a punny guy.
Alright, so the folks at Planned Parenthood are pretty good. They are a wealth of information and help and it sounds like they've done a good job getting you started. To answer your questions:
1. Tingling/Itching are random for all of us. Sometimes they last minutes, hours, days, and yes, weeks in some cases. We're all different. Just be patient and try and relax. The more relaxed you are, the sooner they'll go away.
2. No real way to know if the virus is active, or how long you've had it based on what you wrote. Did you have a new partner just prior to your first OB? If you did, it's possible this is a primary infection you're dealing with. If not, it's possible you've had it for years and not known about it. That's the problem with herpes; it can be very difficult to determine when you got it.
3. Is it the sign of a potential OB? Sure is. It's also possible it's something else. OB's can vary widely for people with H. Some people get rashes, some blisters, some nothing more than tingling and itching.
4. Will it go away? Yes. It will. If you eat healthy and stay relaxed, it will subside. Some people notice their sensations diminish quickly, others it takes some more time. But, in the end, the odds are that your sensations will pass as your body develops the antibodies to fight the virus.
5. Swab test is pretty accurate. If they tested it for both 1 & 2, I'd say it's a definitive answer.
As far as your feelings and emotions, well, welcome to the roller coaster. Stay positive, smile, and look at the positives in life. That'll help even out the hills and valleys. Counseling does help, but in the end it is up to you to make a decision. It's a simple decision: Are you going to control H, or are you going to let it control you? In the meantime, keep coming to this forum. It's full of people who are going through exactly what you are and we are all willing to help.
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Herry's Heart here. Boy, it has been a long few months. Ups and downs, struggles and challenges, and well, I barely made it through it all without breaking into a million pieces. But, like a Phoenix from the ashes of the still smoldering fire, I have risen with beautiful ideas flowing as if they were water from the Nile.
Pay attention, this is for you, me, and all of us affected by H. This is our opportunity for you to tell the world your story and help make a real difference in the world in which we live.
Many of you know I'm a professional writer. I've decided the time has come to write my first book. I'm a little shy, a little nervous, and not quite sure how much this is going to hurt and how messy it's gonna get. Come to think of it, writing a book sounds like a lot of first time events, doesn't it?
I will be including my story, WSD Dancer's, Adrial's, and a couple of other people have agreed to allow me to include their stories. I'm looking for quite a few more people willing to tell their stories to round it out. Here's what I'm looking for, and if you'll send me a message, I'll send you more details and answer your questions.
I'm going to be writing two books. I will interview you, flesh out your story, and tell it in such a way that others can relate to it and learn from you. I'm going to use your story to inspire others that living with H really isn't the end of the world. The world needs this book and there are 500 million people out there who just might want to read it. With 776k contracting H every year in the US alone, it's a story that needs to be told.
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Book 1 - Positive Partners - Looking for couples, any age, any background. Preferably, couples who have been together a while, but I'll definitely take a look at couples who are newly minted; married or dating is just fine. I'm looking for 25 couples who are willing to answer a questionnaire and allow me to interview them over Skype.
Book 2 - Positive People - Living with H as a single can be tough. I know. This is where my story is going to be written. I'm looking for 24 more. Men, women, straight, gay, the whole gamut. I want to tell our story, show people how we're coping, how we're moving forward, how we handle dating, disclosures, sex, the whole kit and kaboodle. You need to be willing to answer a questionnaire and be interviewed over Skype.
Now, I know you're probably thinking "This sounds great and I'd love to do it...but I don't want my name out there." Hey, loud and clear; and it's something even I'm still debating. If you choose to do this, the only person who is going to know your true identity will be me (for legal reasons; and believe me, I dislike lawyers more than I disliked H on diagnosis day!) I'll even let you pick out your very own pseudonym. Believe me when I say your privacy and confidentiality are going to be a secret that's more mysterious than the eternal question "Why does my dryer always remove and lose one random sock from each load?"
If you're interested, send me a message. I've already started writing and anticipate finishing interviews by the end of next month, with publishing taking place by mid-late July.
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I got it in November 2013, so we're practically family. :)
Give your family time to come around. One day, they'll realize that love trumps religion. Trust me, it'll happen.
I think a lot of us can relate to the "feeling alone" until we found this place. Adrial has created a wonderful community and it keeps getting fabulous residents who find their way here.
I was Mormon, but haven't been in 22 years.
Glad you and your boyfriend are working through this together as a team. It makes a big difference. Whether he has it or not, he loves you and he supports you, and that is what love is all about.
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Hey Ellie Rae,
Well, I come from a Conservative Christian background, and guess what, I got it, too. After 3 partners. Sucks, huh?
Now, you have to stop thinking of it as a punishment. It's not. God doesn't work that way, at least not my God. Now, that said, you start seeing fire and brimstone falling from the sky and heading in your direction...at that point you're being punished, and boy you'd better start praying fast.
Next time your vagina gets angry, tell it to knock it the 'eff off. Last time it got horny, look what it got you? It gets angry, and look out world.
Guilt, sorrow, denial, bargaining, they're all part of the healing process. Don't deny them. Go through them. Muddle through the pain and agony, and you'll make it. Take it a day at a time, a step at a time, a problem at a time.
Accepted the diagnosis? It's really simple. Go look in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye. Say "I have herpes." Did your reflection change? Nope. Are you still the same beautiful, sexy, charming woman you were before? Yep. Remember, no one can see your herpes; and having herpes isn't a reflection of who you are as a person.
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Life goes on after herpes
in Herpes question(s)
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You should talk to the folks who made Naked Gun...they know where you can get the custom sized condom made for 160# dicks. They're rare, but can be purchased for a price. I guarantee, you put one of those in your wallet and all the girls will come. Better than a golden ticket...
In lieu of that, you could always try suppressive therapy. There really aren't any dangers with long term usage of Acyclovir or Valtrex. Just follow the instructions and take them as your doctor suggests.
As far as being "contagious" you need to stop looking at yourself as a walking disease. We're all contagious, whether it's because of herpes or the common cold. You get into bed with someone, you get into bed with everything that's in their body, too.