HerryTheHerp
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Posts posted by HerryTheHerp
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Needed this today! Thanks for posting!
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I'd say that's a little bit cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
In fact, I'm willing to bet 100% of the people who come to this site, maybe not others, but definitely this one, are 100% genuinely affected by H. Either they have it, they're concerned they have it, or they're involved with someone who has it.
Darling, put those fears to bed and put a stake in 'em. You're safe here, and if anyone from this site ever tries to publicly humiliate you, well, Adrial has Thor's hammer and he'll throw down with a thunder that would make even the God's themselves shudder in fear.
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Namaste!
It's a wonderful feeling you've discovered. I found it myself not long ago. This virus is funny. One minute it crushes your heart, and if you let it, the next it fills it back up with wisdom and love beyond anything you could have imagined before. It puts up barriers for people who don't share the knowledge and epiphanies that a mature heart contains.
Now, I know the newly diagnosed, and even quite a few long timers don't understand what you wrote, or I wrote, and what Adrial, Dancer, and so many others of us write. But, trust me. We're right, and this virus will change your life for the better. It's not an easy journey, and it's different for us all. But, keep digging. Don't close your heart off, and don't stop moving forward. Accept the pain, mourn your old self, but then let it go. From the ashes of the "old you" a Phoenix will be born with beautiful wings that are so powerful they will carry you through whatever life throws your way. And, those wings will attract other Phoenix's who have gone through similar experiences and come out on the other side as well. When you find each other, you'll know just how powerful true love really is.
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Doing the happy dance for you! Congratulations!
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Emma, I strongly recommend the following approach for women contemplating how to disclose their status to any potential partner.
1. Get to know the guy. Decide...is he a good guy? Is he kind? Is he caring? Is he loyal? Does he look like the kind of guy who can rock my world between the sheets.
If the answer is yes, proceed to step 2.
2. Invite him over after an appropriate period of time has passed. You decide how long you want to wait. Follow the conversation. If it's going well, smooth, and looks like it might lead somewhere...proceed to step 3.
3. The STD talk. Bum bum bum. Know his status, too. Know yours thoroughly. Talk to each other about it. Get tested together. Tell him honestly and openly you have HSV1, otherwise known as herpes, give him the stats, risk factors, realities, and show him where to look for information. That is important. Google is simply horrible. Steer him where he should go.
4. If after all that, you decide to do the mattress mambo together, there are a variety of ways you an go about that. I will allow you to use your own creative imagination to ponder the possibilities.
Vocabulary to use: Honest, straightforward, no slang.
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No, Sparklepony. I disagree because it's much deeper than that. Women like to take a simple equation, say, like 2+2 and turn it into a complex physics equation that looks more like something you'd see on Einstein's drawing board. Then they turn the lights off, put a blindfold on you, let a tiger loose in the room, and dare you to solve it before you become dinner.
In fact, females are the sole reason I lost my hair. I had beautiful blonde hair once. I did not start losing it until I started dating. Ergo, my hair loss is directly related to my personal interactions with females and the complexities of trying to understand them.
If I were gay, I would still have a head of hair that would make David Haselhoff cry.
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Alright, guy perspective here.
Hi Horatio, I'm Herry. The forum's resident humorist and philosopher.
Your symptoms could be any number of things. They really could be. That's the trick with herpes. So, breathe. You're still at the 50/50 point. Needle's not moving.
So, your partner tests positive for both? Right? Again, still at the 50/50. Herpes isn't that easy to transfer. Yeah, it's easier than most, but it's still got a low transmission rate.
Now, you're gonna need to get tested to know for sure. If you start developing blisters, get to the doc immediately and have them do a swab test. They can test to see if it's 1/2 causing it. If you don't (hoping you don't) you'll need to wait 3-4 months for a blood test.
In the meantime, read through this forum carefully. Lots of good info. Lots of good advice. Lots of fabulous people willing to help you out.
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Alright, Herry's back and feeling like simplifying things tonight. Life really is simple; stop making it complex. You'll feel a lot better instantly.
How can you feel normal? It's simple. Are you breathing? Yes, obviously. Are you human? Yes. Are you susceptible to diseases and injuries like we all are? Yes.
There. You're normal. It really is that simple.
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Oh, sure. We've all been there. Trust me, longest 3 months of my life.
Just breathe in, breathe out.
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Alright, deep breath. First, know that many of us on this forum (almost all of us) went through the same thing. Why? Well, because the symptoms for both are very similar, as is the incubation period.
Now, take a deep breath. Don't know where you are, but the likelihood is you have a low HIV seroprevalence in the area. Also, HIV is far harder to transmit than herps. Even unprotected, you're looking at a low rate of transmission for most sex acts.
Take a breath. Relax. Do your homework. If you're still in touch with your mambo partner, ask him to get tested. If he tests negative, you're all but in the clear.
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How? As crazy as this sounds, I let my first love break my heart again. We hurt each other badly in our youth, and while time hasn't healed all the wounds, it has given us the maturity and experience to discuss them openly and honestly with one another. It was also true love/first love, and a couple of other things including a shared experience as children of abusive fathers. At the time, it created a perfect storm capable of causing great damage; now, after years of settling down and being addressed and resolved as adults, it appears it's created a combination to create healing.
I don't know where it's going right now. It's an ongoing journey that's not over yet and there's a lot of messages going back and forth. I'm posting the story if you want to read it.
I'll probably discover some other things during this course they call "Reconnecting 101." God only knows whether I'll pass the final test as the professor is a strict SOB and doesn't allow for make-up exams. Fortunately, he's put plenty of notes from reliable sources out there on the internet for me to study and learn from.
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Life is a lot like a classroom. It's full of studying, hard subjects, easy subjects, quizzes, and tests. You'll make friends with the person next to you, you'll lose friends when they move away. You'll face moments where you're called upon for the answer, and you'll delight when you turn in your homework and get an "A."
Today, life taught me a lesson. It's the hardest lesson I've ever learned. For me, it wasn't an easy lesson to learn as my abusive father had hidden the book, and my first love had given me the wrong notes to study from. Notes I've read and reread all these many years.
What's the lesson?
It's that I'm worth it. I'm worthy of being someone's first choice. I have an amazingly deep heart and an old soul full of wisdom to share with someone who loves me. It's not that I deserve it, it's that I'm worth it and that if someone doesn't see that, then they're not worthy of my love.
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My pleasure. It's an interesting journey I'm on right now. My heart and mind are going in so many directions that I'm just trying to keep up.
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Morning everyone,
If you're still following the tale, here's the next installment. I'm revealing memories slowly to Herry tonight. It's been a rough day and he can only handle tiny bites right now. These are some good memories though, and he's smiling from ear to ear even as I'm hurting for him.
-Herry's Heart
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A year passed. We both grew and changed. We both dated others for brief periods; nothing serious, just casual boyfriends and girlfriends who went to movies and dances together. We were cordial with one another, both of us longing to say things that should be said but both feared how the conversations would go. Then one day the tension built up so much inside me that my feelings for her could no longer be denied.
The conversations began slowly. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months until trust and friendship had been strengthened enough for the next step. I remember the day because it was my grandfather’s birthday. It was March 13, 1995 and while it was chilly outside my heart was aflame. Sitting in the darkened living room of my house, a forgotten movie flickering in the background, I poured my heart out to her.
I told her why I had broken up with her before. I told her how much I loved her and how desperately I wanted her back in my life. I told her that in the year we’d been apart that not a day had passed when I hadn’t wanted to talk with her, to laugh with her, to hold her. We held each other close that night, a tinge of both reluctance and relief hung in the air, but it felt right and we could both sense that getting back together was the thing we needed to do. Days later we were officially a couple again.
Of course, neither of our mothers were terribly happy about the decision. Both had seen that we’d hurt one another, and both voiced their concerns. But, we ignored them. Or, rather we tolerated them and tried not to let their opinions affect us. We were in love and it wasn’t going to be denied any longer.
The relationship grew quickly; perhaps, too quickly. Whereas the first relationship had been more innocent, our second relationship became more intimate. Hormones raged and boundaries soon became blurred. Blurred, but never crossed as we both feared the wrath of her mother who had herself been a teen mother.
Then came Prom Night; the most important event on the teen calendar. I remember it well. As I prepared for the evening she sent me a balloon delivery with a little note attached telling me how excited she was for the evening. Someone, probably my mother, snapped a picture when I received it. It’s a picture I still have but the memory is so vivid that I don’t need to look at it to remember the look in my eyes. My heart leapt and I remember racing upstairs and clutching the bracelet I had bought to give her that night.
I picked her up, her purple dress matching the purple sash on my black tuxedo. She was absolutely stunning and I almost cried as she put the boutonniere upon my chest. Her mom and dad took pictures, and her mother shot me a look that said “She’s not pregnant now, she won’t be when she comes home.” It scared the hell out of me.
And, off we went. Two kids deeply in love enjoying their first “adult date” together. We ate at Red Lobster that evening as many others did. Not any did what I did though. The dinner and conversation were fabulous. A hopeless romantic, I ducked out to the bathroom about halfway through. I tracked down our waiter, tipped him handsomely, handed him the jewelry box, and asked him to place it on the dessert cart when he came by.
To this day, the look on her eyes as she glanced upon that jewelry box and put the bracelet upon her wrist still fills me with an enormous amount of joy. That night we danced and looked into each other’s eyes with such love, such hope, such tenderness that it was overwhelming. Then when the clock struck 12, I drove her home and we put a movie on as we snuggled upon the couch.
Two kids deeply in love fell asleep in each other’s arms for the first time that night. It was pure bliss and both slept in peace knowing they were right where they needed to be. It was perfect and I remember waking up around 4am that morning. Deep in her dreams, she had elbowed me which jarred me awake. I sat there for a good half-hour just gazing upon her; one hand brushing her hair, the other gently cupping her own hand. To this day, I have never felt more content than I did in those moments.
Alas, as with all things it had to come to an end. I debated falling back asleep. I knew she wouldn’t wake up, but I was terrified of what would happen if her mother came down and I wasn’t gone by the 6am curfew she had set. I seriously considered taking the risk, but feared it would mean weeks or months of not seeing my beloved.
Reluctantly, I woke her up. We talked briefly and then she walked me to the door before kissing me one last time. It was a perfect evening and I was sure that we were going to be the one in a million couple we both knew we were.
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Hey everyone,
Herry's heart here. He says hi. He's still busy, but he's doing alright. He's a great guy. Snores a lot and gives me a lot to think about, but I like him. Here's the second part of the journey he's on right now. It's a trip down memory lane that kind of got sprung on him about two months ago. It's been a good journey for him. He's not sure where it's going to lead, but he's picking up some bits and pieces of himself he's lost along the way. They're going to make him whole again, and he knows that. He's crying a lot right now. Some are good tears, some are sad tears, some are tears born of missed opportunities and misunderstandings that are only realized decades after the fact.
So, here's the second part of the journey for those of you who are following the tale. Like a story that never truly ends, this one will unfold gradually. There will be smiles, laughs, a few tears, and a lot of emotion. Grab a tissue and enjoy.
Love, Herry's Heart
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We were a couple the day after we met. The phone calls lasted for hours, we ate lunch together, we spent our weekends walking through her neighborhood and watching movies on her couch. We were teenagers falling in love with each other and it was magical.
There were a lot of firsts for both of us during this time. We were each other’s first boyfriend/girlfriend. There was the first kiss, the first dance, the first longing look in each other’s eyes where a glimpse of forever was beginning to come into view. There was the first time meeting each other’s parents. There was the first date. There was the first birthday together, and the discovery that she and my mother shared the same birthday. The only thing we didn’t have was a first fight which we saved for much, much later.
Our time together that autumn was a truly blessed time of discovery. By December, I understood what my heart had been telling me since I’d first seen her in the cafeteria; she wasn’t just my first love, she was my true love, and the one I was meant to be with forever and ever. I remember the moment very well. It had come to me in a dream and had awoken me from a deep slumber. It scared me. I woke up and rose from the bed where I stared out the window at the falling flakes of snow drifting through the moonlit sky that Thanksgiving weekend. It was a beautiful moment and the lure of forever seemed so enticing. For the first time in my life I went to bed with visions of wedding rings, children, and a life shared together drifting through my dreams. Those are dreams a young boy of 16 just doesn't expect, and isn't fully prepared to have.
When I woke up that next morning, those dreams had turned terrifying. At the time, my life was a mess. My parents were in the midst of an incredibly vicious and cruel divorce. Like myself, my girlfriend was the child of an abusive father. We were both young and terrified we would become our fathers. We talked about it and tried to reassure each other as best we could, but at 15 and 16, we just weren’t equipped with all the knowledge needed to do that effectively. We also didn’t have the communication skills necessary to discuss such weighty concepts with one another. We comforted each other, but neither of us were able to convince the other that everything would be ok.
And, that’s when I made a mistake that would change the course of our relationship, and our lives forever. I broke up with her. I just couldn’t risk that I would hurt her and I was petrified that I would become my father and continue his abusive ways into my own relationships. I loved her so much that I had to let her go in order to protect her.
I still remember the stunned look in her eyes when it happened. It was pure pain and I couldn’t let her see that it gutted me. I'd practiced and rehearsed so many times that it was almost mechanical. I had to, because I knew if I let my heart do the talking that I'd chicken out. Had she looked deeper into my eyes she would have seen how much I was hurting, and that I was lying as to my reasons for breaking up with her. I told her it was because I wanted to be free and thought we were too young for the feelings we were experiencing. I just couldn’t admit to her that it was because I didn’t want to hurt her the way my father was hurting my mother at the time. I was afraid of myself and the last thing I ever wanted was for her to fear me or see that buried somewhere deep inside me.
And, that was that. We broke up. It was a clean break. There was no fighting, no yelling, just soft words, some tears, and I wish you the best. And, with that it was over.
Or, so we thought at the time…
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Happy Birthday, Adrial! Wishing you a healthy and happy year ahead!
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I'm glad your rekindling story has a happy ending. It's a rare thing and I wish you both the sincerest and most happiest kind of love imaginable. Grab onto it and don't let go no matter what life throws your way.
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Go ahead, Zyphen. Feel free to share at will. If it can help even one person, then I'm glad.
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Hi everyone,
Herry's been AWOL this past month for a lot of reasons. This is his heart. He's unavailable for comment right now so I'm going to post this on his behalf. He's busy writing for his clients and I'm taking care of the personal matters right now so he can focus on work without breaking down.
Herry's had a hard month. Arguably the hardest of his life. In the midst of letting go of a woman he was falling in love with but would never love him, an unexpected international move, plus dealing with herpes, well, out of the blue, his first love whom he'd almost married but let go 16 years ago decided to reconnect with him. They had a true love story that went south long ago and as much as he tried, well, he never really recovered. He was almost there and then he got herpes, but that comes later in the story.
This is the first part of that story. You might want to grab a tissue before you start reading. More parts to come, they're just taking he and I a little time to process together. Don't worry about him, I'm a courageous little heart and I got him covered right now. He's gonna be just fine.
Sincerely, Herry's heart
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Two decades have gone by since a youthful glance and a smile evolved into a passionate relationship that changed two lives forever. Even with the passage of time, it’s a moment that is as alive and vibrant to me as if it had taken place. Alas, the reflection in the mirror staring back at me this morning reminds me just how long ago it really was.
It was a blustery August day. School had just started back up and everyone was eagerly catching up after the long summer break. We talked about the places we’d gone, what we’d done, and the people we’d met along the way. The conversations were light and as much as we didn’t like to admit it, it felt good to be back in school and in the presence of our best friends. At just 16 years old, I had no idea that my life was about to change forever that day.
During a break in the conversation my eyes peered a few tables away where she caught my eye. Like a lightning bolt igniting the darkened sky I was stunned and captivated for what seemed like an eternity. She was sitting with her friends, laughing and talking, catching up as I was doing with mine. I remember thinking she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, and no matter how hard I tried to break the trance I was falling into, I simply couldn’t pull my eyes away.
As time stood still and then ceased to exist, my friends tried desperately to bring my attention back to our conversation, but I was already deep in thought.
I wanted to meet her, but didn’t know how. A shy teenager, it wasn’t like me to just walk up to a girl and introduce myself. What would I say? What would she say? I played it out in my mind a hundred times as the minutes passed slowly by. Then, as if by fate, I noticed she was sitting with a friend of mine and I saw a window of opportunity open. I decided then and there that I had to take the chance. I had to discover why my heart felt the way it did and what it was imploring me to do.
I could feel my heart beating faster and faster as I stood up from my chair and made my way over to her table. She sat maybe 20 feet away, and to this day I swear it was the longest walk of my life. With every anxious step my mind kept telling me to turn around and sit back down; yet, my heart knew what it wanted and had made it very clear that whatever the outcome, I was going to do this. It was the first time in my life when I’d let my heart take over the reins of my life and I’d never been more nervous.
Arriving at the table, I said hello to my friend, made some small talk, and then when the awkward moment couldn’t be delayed any longer, my heart took over and I introduced myself. Her name was Jessica and I was instantly smitten by her beauty and the glimmer in her eyes. I can’t for the life of me remember what she was wearing, but I can tell you how exactly how her hair looked as she brushed it to the side. I can tell you how the Navy perfume she was wearing wafted through the hot August air and set my heart on fire. I can tell you how it felt to look into her eyes and see my future. I remember how amazing it felt as she handed me her phone number, and how for the rest of the day I grasped that note tightly in my hand anxiously anticipating the moment when I would make that call. She didn’t know it then, but I’d fallen hopelessly in love with her even before she told me her name.
It’s true what they say; a man never forgets the moment when he falls in love for the first time. It’s a memory that embeds itself deep inside the heart and no matter how hard he tries, it can never be dislodged. A sight, a sound, a smell, an email, can all open the doors to that memory when we least expect it. I can’t pretend to know why things turned out the way they did, but I can tell you that both true love, love at first sight, and love eternal do exist, and that it I’m glad I listened to my heart that day to discover them. I’ll probably never know what it feels like to feel the way I did that day again, but to have experienced it once is more than any man deserves.
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Asking what triggers OB's is a lot like trying to figure relationships out. What works and is true for one, doesn't necessarily work for the other. Some things will set it off while others won't...and we are all different.
Sun, shaving, and any number of things have been rumored to trigger it. What it all boils down to is your immune system and how well you are taking care of yourself. Try not to worry about it. Go get a tan. If it triggers an OB, well, it triggers an OB and you'll know. If it doesn't, you'll have a nice glow about you.
Personally, I haven't found anything that I can say definitively triggers an OB. I smoke, I drink, I forgo sleep, eat chocolate, engorge myself on peanut butter and not a single tingle. You might say I'm taunting my herpes, but the reality is I'm just letting it know who's boss. I'd suggest you do the same and stop worrying about it.
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Yes, herpes can lay dormant for years before it can show itself. You could have gotten it from a previous relationship and just never had an OB.
It's also possible you just acquired it from your boyfriend, and he had it without knowing. One of the hardest things to wrap your head around is the fact that this virus can act this way. Don't assume your boyfriend cheated, but you will need to discuss this with him and both of you need to get tested for confirmation.
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Alright, Jackie. Tough love time.
You're not dirty. Unless you've been rolling around in mud or changing the oil, having herpes does not make you dirty. It makes you human. It makes you part of the 24% of adults in America that have HSV2, and 80% who have HSV1. Unless your name is Scarlett Johansen, Janet Jackson, or Brittany Spears you're not a dirty skank. (BTW, those are 3 people you'll see on TV rumored to have herpes, too.)
Stop watching TV. It's all commercials anyway. Spend some time with your daughter. Go out. Have fun. Enjoy being a mom.
We've all been where you are right now. I was there just a month ago. It's not an easy place to be. Dig your fingernails into the cliff's edge and hold on. Summon your inner Cap'n Dan and yell into the storm. Don't let go. Don't give up. Don't let the blisters and buttheads on TV get you down.
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Hi John,
You're not crazy but you're driving yourself over to the station to get on the crazy train. Stop.
It doesn't sound like herpes. First, symptoms wouldn't begin that quickly. Could it be? Yeah, it could be but the only way to confirm would be a blood test at this point. You're far enough past exposure to get a pretty accurate result.
Now, if you do have it, that doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a person. People get sick. People get diseases. People are not bad because they had sex. Well, ok, if you have sex with a priest in a confessional while the rest of the congregation is listening to the nuns sing, you might be borderline. But, you didn't do that. You met a girl. You were attracted to each other. You had sex. End of story.
Also, she's had a negative test. That's a good sign. But, like Jackie said it could be HSV1 (if it is herpes) and she may not have been tested for that. Bottom line: Get tested.
Further, do a full STD test. Syphillis, Gonorrhea, HIV, all of 'em. Rule them all out. You didn't say if you used a johnny hat or not? If you did, you've got very little to worry about, even if you got an unprotected BJ as that's a very inefficient way to transfer almost all other STD's (except HSV1).
Finally, stop beating yourself up. It's hard. I got mine from a brief fling and it still eats at me a little bit. But, it's life. It's not good, it's not bad, it just is. Learn from it as you go and make sure that you guard that good heart zealously as the world needs far more good hearted people in it.
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Scared, I haven't written anything in a while, but saw your post and just feel the need to say something. As a 36-year old guy who just got this li'l gift a few months ago I can relate a little bit.
I can't say that I blame you for how you feel. I was with someone who didn't disclose to me before the mattress mambo, and well, 5 months later it still pisses me off something fierce. I feel cheated, and yes, it has cost me a potential relationship with an amazing woman that, well, I'd waited to meet for a great many years.
That said, the past is the past and you have to let it stay there. It's done. That goes for recent events, too. You've both gone through rough patches and you got to call it even on that score. Now, I'm not going to let her off the hook for not disclosing. In my book, that's a big no-no, especially since you disclosed your HPV status. She broke the trust barrier and that's gonna need some tending to on both your parts.
Here's the rub; most HPV strains and herpes are the Backstreet Boys of STD's. They're annoying, but utterly harmless and rarely come out to play. They're incurable, and no one likes to admit they have them. But, they won't kill you, cause you to go sterile, or leave any long-term physical damage. They'll mess with your mind, but rarely do any damage to your body.
Now, you said you were falling for her. That's awesome. It's a powerful feeling and everyone on this board knows how amazing it is. Most of us wake up every day hoping we'll feel that again, and have someone feel it for us. I'm sure your gal does, too. In fact, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how much she was smiling at the thought of it, the feel of it, the dream of it when you weren't around. For her, I can guarantee you it's a feeling she never thought she'd have again.
Where am I going with this? Have you ever wanted to be the white knight? You ever wanted to suit up in armor and ride that white horse into battle for the love of a woman? Well, this is your chance. This is your hell or high water moment. If you are truly falling for her and thinking she's someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, if you forgive her and stand beside her right now, well, it just might lead to happily ever after both of you have been searching for all your lives.
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I just found out I have herpes
in Just found out I have herpes
Posted
Hey Amber,
Alright, take a deep breath. You're just fine. Still breathing? Good. See, even after a herpes diagnosis life goes on. Believe me when I say we all wish it would have been something else, but it is what it is, and what it is ain't that bad in the long run.
Now, you've got some talking to do with your beau. It's not going to be easy, but you can do it. You need to read through everything on this site and get educated on herpes, transmission, stats. etc. Why? Because that's going to put your fears to rest that your life is over. Once you've done that, you can talk with your boyfriend.
First, he probably wasn't tested for herpes. It's not on the standard panel unless requested, even for MMA. Next, not every sex act results in transmission. For your situation, probably less than a 4% chance per act if you're not having an OB at the time. So, make sure you include that in the conversation.
Bottom line: we're here for you. Keep your questions and concerns coming. It's a great community and you're in the right spot to get some help.