Thank you all so much for the love and support!!!
It feels so nice to have finally found somewhere that understands what this is like AND to find others who have gone through similar, if I may, horrors.
The guy who gave me this....it just kills me he is still around. And dating. We met online and there has been a part of me that wants to warn all the women...I know he is dating as I live in an incredibly small community...and if it werent for the fact he has two daughters (who I fell more in love with than with him), I probably would have made a bigger deal.
The worst part, as if there really is just one part, is I haven't told my family and, while they are happy we arent together, when I start to talk about him, say he wasn't that bad of a guy, just the wrong guy for me....and I want to tell them how he hurt and ruined me...but I can't...
As far as the guy I am with currently, we do do other things but none of the actual intercourse. He also has his share of sexual issues. I am still with him, not because I am scared of not finding acceptance, but because he gets me in a way no one else has. He has had a vasectomy (but has expressed he would want more kids) but with my diagnosis, I am not even sure that I want kids anymore. It seems like it would be so much work and fear around passing it onto my baby is terrifying to me.
@seeker, thank you for the male perspective. I really appreciate it.
@willow, @LookingForAlaska, and @WCSDancer2010, I am really glad to be here and for your support... Thank you!! *hug*