StillMeButWiser
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Posts posted by StillMeButWiser
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Honey, there are men out there who doesn't let this stop them from liking someone. To me it seems like the ones who reject are the insecure ones. Look at the guys who rejected you, what do they have in common, trait wise? So to counter act this, date men from a different caliber. Do this by be willing to open to say if you didn't like country men before now dabble in that area. Just an example. But I think you get the idea. Stop going after the same type of man. You got the confidence, just follow it.
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I have been on valtrex for two years, haven't experienced any side effects. Had one break thru starting to show signs of an outbreak, but not sores never appeared. because I was super stressed. Plus didn't have extra pills to double up
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It is quite possible this is a new exposure for both of you. If so, neither one would test positive via blood. I have heard stories one person unknowingly contracted the virus and passed it before showing symptoms. But don't jump to conclusions now.
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The real question is, assuming your husband gave this to you, will you be able to forgive him or every time an arguement happens this will be thrown in his face? Digesting a herpes diagnoised is not easy. At times takes several years to even accept it, mixed with infidelity it will be a tough one to swollow. It seems you are are fixated on how you got it and say working on our marriage secondly. Truth be told, it is very hard to pin down what came first the chicken or the egg or in your case herpes. Move the energy on to acceptance and move forward. It will take all your energy to regain her spouses trust.
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It is quite possible your love has it and don't know; therefore, passing it to you. Has your love ever been tested? At this point, to know for sure, a bloodtest would be best. But ask yourself does it really matter where it came from, because your love seems to be very supportive and not leaving your side. A big big plus in my eyes.
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Tell your parents, by doing so they can provide comfort, understanding and support. I know as a mom to three teenagers, parents love is unconditional. Explain to them this is not your fault and provide insight on herpes because it will help them understand it if they don't now. Do you know how much pressure, burden and feeling ashame will disappear by telling? A whole of a lot. No more carrying a heavy secret around. Good luck.
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Right now you are going through the grieving process, if you will. Anger is the first, second stage of the process. Forgiveness comes with acceptance, untill then meet with your therapist. Perfectly normal what you are going through. Just remember there is no timeframe for each stage.
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Does he know for sure he is negative? Was he recently tested? Start from there. Why would the therapist talk marriage with him if he can't get past a skin condition his love of his life has? If he can't over that he is not ready for marriage.
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Resilent! You are going to be just fine. Now when you look back, do you think he initiated the argument which caused the break up because he knew he exposed you to herpes? Why else when you texted him you have herpes he answered, when did this start. Not the common response from someone finding out their partner just been diagnosed with herpes. Now the cowardly silence from him. Remember herpes doesn't define who you are, just another life scare and we all have them.
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First of all, I am sorry to hear you had to experience such evil. Herpes is not your fault in fact none of us wants herpes, we didn't ask for nor do we deserve it. One of life's misfortune, unfortunately. If your boyfriend said he was ok with it, believe him. You are very blessed to have a man who understands what I just said and is willing to love you no matter what flaws you have. Girl have confidence in yourself, knowing what you bring to the table. Like who you are and everything will fall in place. Stop over thinking it and enjoy the love both of you share.
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She feels you don't want to have intercoarse with her because she has herpes. What she is feeling is natural for anyone who has herpes, it's hard to overcome self doubt.
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Hi, this situation can be over whelming if you let it be. I dabble in the life style and currently experiencing a poly. I'm the unicorn to a couple. From my experience, I would tell current partners and that's it. Past is the past. Most swingers are tested regularly. One guy I was with tested every three months. Even though precaution is taken they know the risk. For some the risk is never thought of.
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The cause of your outbreaks is your stress. Stress is very powerful and run havoc on your body. Worrying about the viscous herpes cycle alone is stressful on top of every thing else. Go on the valtex. Why put yourself through more turmoil when you can prevent it. One blue pill a day will relieve so much. If you still feel prodomes or have outbreaks take 2 pills, 1000mg. Good luck.
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The key is to find one who gives you tools and teaches you how to use the tool. One who just sits and listens asking constantly how does that make you feel won't work. One who sticks to the goal every week. You can even go twice a week. Some therapist specialize in certain areas like domestic violence or sex sbuse. Maybe for you if it fits sex abuse then touch base with one on herpes. Can't do two different therapies at once. Won't work. Working out your frustration with not wanting the encounter and understanding how, why and not your fault is the best first approach . After coming to peace with that will help you with herpes. Sometimes meds is used simotaniously. Baby steps will get you the the finish line. Good luck.
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Yep. You know how some lube can cause vaginal infection by throwing off bacteria and ph? This doesn't do that. I won't allow a guy to use spit to moisten fingers or whatever, cause it risk infections. I'm very sensitive below. Also good for Massage oil, good skin moisturizer, good on corn on the cob, toast, etc. many uses.
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The first year is the hardest after a break up, them add herpes on top of it. First of all, herpes doesn't define who you are. I been in your shoes exactly. Over a year later and herpes still on my mind. Mostly wishing I didn't have it and fear of passing it on. But it hasn't stopped me from having fun and enjoying myself. Took time to get to this point. Far as the guy, every activity you do with out him will remind you of him. It is perfectly natural to attached all the emotions you are feeling to the last one you brought them to you. It's like you are grieving the dream you desire with someone, anyone. Girl, the dream is still there. It didn't go anyplace. The roadblock is yourself. Start rediscovering YOU! Doing fun things, pampering yourself and being the best you can be. Start liking yourself once again. Start putting yourself out there, meeting new men. Want to get back at him? Him seeing you moving on, being just fine, dong things and not contacting him is the best revenge. Trust me, he is thinking of you. Knows his faults and carries quilt and shame. Might not seem like but as a man they keep these things quite.
Take a road trip by yourself. Driving the unknown road facing whatever comes your way is empowering. Have no fear because the people you meet only see the outer shell, and gets glimpses of your personality through laughs, smiles and kindness. Rewarding to both.
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Coconut is great for lube as well. Very safe.
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This type of situation does happen more than you think. I think you are afraid of your wife takin as if you cheated on her. Everyone jumps to that conclusion. Even my giver tried to twist it on to me. If you didn't cheat take confidence in it and even if you did there is no way to really prove from who or when. People live 30 years with herpes dormant. Takes 4 to 6 months for antibodies to build in your body after being exposed. The state of your marriage sounds very typical; stress of house, kids, work, etc. I went thru it years ago. My advice would be educate yourself, print down the handouts and get copies of your std checks and present it all to your wife. Avoid the blaming game on both sides. Ask her to get checked as well. Do you know what your value is? Usually higher the value long you had it. Does she get cold Sores? After telling her there will be a period of grief for her and things maybe get rough. But this is the time true colors will show. Confiding is the best. Always can make an appt with dr for both of to talk with at sometime. Directing her to this website is good too. Good luck.
Stress brings out herpes and shingles. I fell, hitting my head on ceramic tile in conjunction with stress of grieving my moms death boom 2 weeks later herpes outbreak. Blood test showed I had it for awhile. I was in a 4 year relationship. Similar to yours. He went ghost soon as I told him. The freaking coward. Refused to get tested. He had it. Already had cold sores. Don't be that coward.
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Takes at least 4 to 6 months for antibodies to show up in your blood work. So what showed up in your blood work has already been established. Also it would be a good idea to get the values because if it less than 3.5 there is a 40% chance it could be a false positive. My suggestion would be to get retested in 3 months. Many people have been diagnosed by blood work yet never having any outbreaks or symptoms.
For now you will be riding the grieving roller coaster. When I was first diagnosed felt like I was handed the death sentence. Cried every day for long time. One day it hit me....this doesn't define who I am. I am still me, the bubbly girl. Yea, it's shitty to have to deal with it. But Education is power, not the stigma. By reading your first post I took it as you really bought into the stigma because of how paranoid you were of getting herpes. Of coarse no one wants it nor deserves it. And the people walking around claiming to be clean, and they know all the tricks to stay clean are the ones who are more than likely carrying herpes. Learn all you can about herpes. Becoming more confident and separating yourself from the skin condition instead of it defining you. Your sex life is not over by any means. It will just take time to feel comfortable with yourself once again.
Far as your symptoms, not to discredit them, when we are in a fragile state the mind, the mind goes in over drive not knowing what is real or false. Try to relax and stop dwelling. Stress its self can cause an outbreak. Did you know men can get yeast infections or bacteria infections? If there is ichiness or burning this could be a possibility.
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My very first outbreak I also had a bad be infection. White discharge like you wouldn't believe. It was gross. Perhaps it's a be infection. Your doctor will have to culture and prescribe med. good luck.
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Take a deep breath, release all those negative thoughts. Maybe you over thinking. Or Sometimes these thoughts and feelings are our inner self telling us something isn't just right. Gut always knows. Unfortunately The heart doesn't always agree. If this is the case, it is for the best. Just won't see it right now. Could it be inner doubt?
Another thing, men Need time to regroup so they pull away, retreating back into the man cave. Most of the time they don't even realizing what they are doing. Giving him space shows respect and builds the relationship. He will submerge when ready. Could be he needs a break from wedding plans and talk.
Just be patient and confident.
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What you are experiencing is all part of the grieving and healing process. Educating yourself, allowing yourself to cry and being kind to yourself are all tools in handling this fragile time. Checking in with this support team certainly is a huge help too.
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if I offered you $20, would you take it?
How about if I crumpled it up?
Stepped on it?
you would probably take it even though it was crumpled and stepped on it. Do you know why?
Because it is still $20, and its worth has not changed. The same goes for you; if you have a bad day, or if something bad happens to you, you are not worthless.
if someone crumples you up or steps on you, your worth does not change. You are still just as valuable as you were before
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Honey if he didn't want to wear a condom with you chances are he never wore a condom with 98% of his partners. So more than likely he probably already has it. He sounds insecure and ignorant. Next.
Telling vs not telling...personally I have done both. Not telling comes with inner guilt and carries the what if. Does weigh on you. Telling, frees the soul. And if you are having an ob you can be honest and they understand.
At the same time I do agree with all that has been mentioned. I recently started working at a drs office. Young guy ask to be blood tested for stds. I look at the lab sheet dr filled out. Only hiv was checked. Granted I don't know all the abbreviations, etc but hsv 1&2 would smack me in the eyes. This dr is an internal medicine dr. So this discussion can go round and round. Morally vs non morally, right or wrong.
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Herpes from mutual masturbation
in Just found out I have herpes
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Could the rash be from an allergic reaction to the lube? Atopic dermatitis will be small red bumps, possibly itchy. Instead of worrying yourself sick, go to the Dr get tested. Don't fear the worst,