[Does Harry herpe really have to dictate my life?]

Ever since my diagnosis I feel like I can't be me. Diagnoised in January and still having irritation below I don't feel normal. Normal me, who I am suppose to be. Ok I'm just gonna be blunt here. Iam a nonjudgemental, kind, no harm, free spirit girl who likes to be desired. I like sex, who doesn't? Tonight I was asked by a couple who are fairly good acquaintances to hang/party with them. If u know what I mean? Prior Harry I would've been all over it. Afraid of disclosing and my secret being revealed, still being irritated I had to turn it down. Had to make up some lame excuse. Teary eyed as I walked into my empty house alone, already feeling hurt and betrayed by the guy who slammed the door one me after 4 years because of Harry, and now not being able to enjoy things I would like to because of possible rejection and risk being talked about/labeled. How do I come to terms with something I see no good in? Sometimes I wonder why do I need to disclose? Let's face it at 46 I have been around and never had a guy disclose, he had any kind of problems. But yet that's ok for them. My ex husband cheated on me numerous times but yet somehow I'm the one with a possible label. Meanwhile I'm stuck with Harry, who I didn't invite, nor do I want to entertain. Pushed on me by a selfish "dirty"men and now feeling like I'm stuck with their mess. I'm doing my best to accept this unwanted glued to the hip wingman but please help me understand how does he not dictate my life?