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time4changes

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  1. I haven't been on here for a while. how is everyone?? if ur buggin about disclosure... DON'T SWEAT IT. really ;) I remember the way i used run away from everyone and try to hide myself from the world. Feeling guilty, ashamed, and tainted...... but those feelings are long gone. my first disclosure i was rejected as u all know... but i consider that a blessing bc he had too much baggage with the ex. <> My second disclosure happened by accident. the guy saw my h forum email.. we talked it out and finally moved forward in our relationship. (But he turned out to be a very insecure, argumentative, intolerable person) <> Third disclosure was just last week and i just told him. I know we have been seeing each other a while now, I'm not trying to give u blue balls..... but i was trying to build my courage bc u have the right to know i have herpes. he just asked if i had been taking my medication everyday. I said yea and then we moved past it. (Not that it matters now, eveything fell apart this week for other reasons)<> from my experience i just hope to make someone else feel better by knowing that ur life is not over.. u can still have sex and relationships. Disclosure isn't as bad as i thought it would be....... but relationships still are. :/
  2. Aww thx everyone for showing luv on my post :). -hugs- I am in a much better place now. as I said b4 the rejection only hurt a little. I feel empowered now. I surprised myself by bouncing back so well. I've became a more confident person in a short amount of time. I know the type of man I don't want for sure! that guy in my story lol. With that being said, I've made a commitment to myself. To be the best ME that I can be. EVERYTHING has changed since my attitude changed. I've been smiling more, making ppl laugh, pampering myself, and I even got a brand new job today after a 3 month job search! Im convinced that this "rejection" was a blessing. Can I change the title of my post? And why can't I just have a fwb?? I didn't really care for relationships when I had them...so why does H have to change that?? Obviously i would go about doing things differently. But who says it cant be done? I'm not rushing things, I'm doing me right now! Hforumap-- I'm sorry u have to go thru that, I havent told my family or friends.... But you've come to the right place if you just need someone to talk to
  3. Thanks Diversity and Adrial, these are the type of posts I love reading. It inspires growth and self awareness. I know even before the H I had my insecurities, but wow I've never actually tried to let them go. Diversity I am so proud of you for saying you will let these things go. After reading Adrials response, and asking those questions.... I find myself wanting to do the same. This will be a challenge, but it will be worth it to live a more fulfilling life.
  4. And thanks to whoopsi as well. It feels good to be able to share with you...and just take a step back to remind myself that I am doing the right thing. Out of this experience the one thing that trumps all is that I haven't let this beat me up emotionally. I don't know why im shocked that this rejection really isn't that big a deal. This may sound funny, but it feels like I've gained some sort of power. For anyone else out there thats afraid of rejection all I can say is go for it! I mean you're never going to know how great he is (or is not) unless you lay your cards down.
  5. I like the way you put that! The gifts may not come wrapped quite the way we expected, but if we look for them, they are there :) I smile bc you just said it all
  6. Aww thx whoopsi, and yes...when I tested H+ I sat down with my Dr. And she actually told me that no one needs to know. She said most ppl have it and don't know it bc they don't have symptoms. Dr's don't even test for it on a routine std testing panel unless the patient specifically requests it. For what it's worth, I would hate to find someone that I really want to be with...and then keep this s secret. Only for them to find out the hard way ya know. As for the guy... I think my disclosure shut the door for him wanting to be involved with me sexually. Therefore he just ran back to the girl who didn't mind breaking his heart. I'm sure he prob had nothing to do with her starting drama. He could have been in the shower or anything. However, that doesn't take away from the fact that he should've kept it real! I'm not salty...I still smile bc I know I'm a wonderful person and I wouldn't leave somebody hangin like that. Maybe there is a silver lining in this dark cloud after all. Not only am I opening my vulnerability when I disclose, but somehow opening his too. Judging his reaction may be a test of his true colors
  7. I dated this guy almost 3 years ago... It only lasted a few months, but we remained very good friends after the split. We talked on the phone weekly, and sometimes for hours. It's safe to say he was my best friend. Since my job shut down a few months ago, we have been talking about becoming roommates...maybe more. I was excited because he is a great guy. We both learned Alot from our post break-up conversations. So I thought this may be just what I needed. I disclosed! And his reaction was comforting. He made me feel like everything was gonna be alright. Saying that he was there for me. Well....... I havent talked to him since. He ignored my calls and texts for a week or 2, then his ex fiance started texting me with drama (from his phone) "leave my man alone" etc. I feel that I've lost my best friend. I feel like he was never there at all.... This makes me stronger, bc I know how to find comfort within myself. I'm over it now-- but the part that concerns me is the fear of future disclosures. At some point I feel like disclosing is dumb anyway. Since most people have H they just don't know it--why should i bare the burden just because I know....oh right, bc I HAVE a conscience and I know how this made me feel. I wouldnt want to knowingly put someone through this...I remember when I tested H+ I had a little chat with my Dr. Her advice was take your meds and don't tell anyone-- I thought she must be crazy. But I just wonder how many ppl actually take that advice? Apparently Alot of ppl do.... We're all here bc of that
  8. I love this post thanks for sharing, I will read this everyday :)
  9. I'm kinda new here, 25 female from eastern NC. I would like a buddy, doesn't matter where ur from, male or female. I've been trying to stay positive, I'm sure it would help to share the ups and downs with someone who can relate. Feel free to inbox me maybe we can support each other
  10. “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/ This article has definitely left me in a more positive mental awareness and I think we all could benefit. here's a few of the things listed that we should stop doing to ourselves to give those good things a chance to catch us: Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
  11. You don’t have to settle, it’s simply a choice you make every day. If you feel like you’re running in place there’s a good chance you’re tolerating things you shouldn’t be. It’s time to reclaim your life. http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/05/01/20-things-life-is-too-short-to-tolerate/
  12. now that I've told the long version, I will answer your questions. It seems impossible to think that I might someday have that talk with my female partner. Especially since we have the same circle of friends. I'm afraid that if she doesn't have it, she will tell everyone that I do. As you can see my relationship with the man I once loved ended pretty ugly. He actually contacted me a few months afterward bragging that he had been tested 4 times since and was HSV negative (go figure) I simply said I hate you, and haven't spoke to him since. And as I said he was cheating as well, so nobody really knows where it came from. We went back and forth blaming ex lovers, guests that had been in our home, family members. I mean just running in circles looking for clues....I know now that none of that matters. I never confronted my best friend about whether or not she had something behind the scenes with him...and we are still friends--maybe not as close.
  13. There's a reason I gave the "short" story... the whole thing was much deeper than that. contracting H was only one of the many ugly sides of this story.... and I still don't know who got it first (but now that doesn't seem to matter anymore) Me and my boyfriend were living together. He had a way of leaving for days, sometimes weeks without contacting me. I was certain that he had already found someone else. I confronted him, but that always caused a fight. So, I was upfront with him... I told him if he felt the need to leave me home alone ALL the time-- I would have my girl come over for some fun. I even introduced him to her in hopes of spicing things up in the bedroom. He wasn't interested in being there for me, or this little fantasy of mine. He carried on leaving the way he did, and I continued having loong nights with this woman. The distance grew between him and I, but neither of us were ready to bring this to an end. A few weeks passed and he began having pain during urination. That's when I completely stopped all sexual contact with them both. I saw this as a red flag, so i took him to the dr. where he learned of prostate inflammation and Herpes. This was a shock to both of us, we both cried for days contemplating suicide and playing the blame game among ourselves. Soon after, we came to terms with it and decided we still have each other. (I ignored the woman) while him and I grew closer, things seemed better than ever. I sat him down and showed him the positive pregnancy test. I was overjoyed that our relationship was stronger than ever, and now we are building a family together....but the look on his face struck me like a dagger. It was a grim look of rejection. He began to speak about how this baby would be in the way of his dreams, how herpes is going to affect the baby....and continued to give me every excuse in the book for why this was a bad idea. Days turned into weeks, as our love turned into hate, anger, rage, spite, and all types of turmoil. I decided at this point I must terminate my pregnancy, a decision that will forever haunt me. It seemed to be the only way out. After all, we are falling apart and I do not want to put my child at risk from the very beginning of life....so, on valentines day I went to the dr. with my best friend to take care of this business. Afterwards I went straight home, had a huge fight with my boyfriend and kicked him out. There I was with my best friend, confiding in her with all the things that broke my heart in this relationship. As a side note--I recall a day, after finding out about H (before I got pregnant) that he suggested having my best friend as our sexual playmate. He continued to justify this idea by saying "she won't be at risk, she already has it"....... I knew this to be true, because in the year that I'd known her--she's had constant outbreaks on her face that she complains about all the time. So, I close with....maybe he was cheating with her all along.
  14. ... destructive thinking. For me, this is the hardest part. I find myself confined at home, unable to muster the courage to mingle. I try to believe the lies I tell myself: "I don't care if I never have a sexual relationship again" "I'm just not attracted to anyone anymore" "Maybe this is a blessing, to keep me from those losers anyway" "I don't need to dress nice--what's the point?" "If someone asks me out, I will just tell them I'm a lesbian" "no one needs to know, I will take this secret to my grave" I have lived with these negative thoughts too long! So tonight I've decided it's time for changes!! I am so overjoyed that this site exists, i have been reading other posts for inspiration. It helps just to know that I am not alone, and together WE can learn and grow. My story: (the short version) I contracted last fall while I was in a relationship (with a guy) while cheating on him (with a woman) HE tested positive ..... then I ignored the other woman until she left me alone. He and I broke up a few months later, then I finally got tested (positive of course) and I've been having a pity party ever since...... until now ;)
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