Nal

Are you trolling with the lentil thing because the whole second week of my holiday (which was right during my primary OB), I had lentils literally every single day.

I also had symptoms after 2 days tops. It's hard to tell considering it happened after my first time and I've been struggling with mild vaginismus so in hindsight, I'm not sure where the first-time soreness and swelling ended and the herpes symptoms began. But I def had a bunch of symptoms after day 2. Also, tested positive exactly 2 weeks after getting infected.

I guess I just have this idea about those A to Zink vitamins which are practically entirely useless but looking at supplements at an individual, personalised level qeems like a very good idea. After all, I'm very happy with my magnesium supplements because they were sth I needed.

Wow, that's really helpful, thanks. My laptop charger just died so I m stuck with myphone for a little while but I'm reading and sending him this as soon as my new charger arrives. You guys are on top of things, wow.

We do, but that's sth we plan in and don't don't do every day because our schedules somehow don't match at all. You'd think we're living in a different timezone. But Whatsapp is all day, continuously. Ans his little panicky moments are usually not during planned quality time, it's when he's out and about running errands and he's strangely not so drawn to having a video chat about genital herpes on the street. Go figure ;)

@NothingGoodGetsAway Wow, that sounds spot on like how the bf is responding to aml of this. It's funny how I'm the one ho travelled across Spain with a crazy fever and not being able to sit or pee or 2 weeks but I have to calm him down. But I guess I actually prefer being the one who got it as opposed to the one who gave it because the guilt would kill me. I think it's also because it's so easy to break up with so long distance, you just stop talking. You'd have to be pretty crazy to go to a different country to ask for closure or try to patch things up. I get that he's scared I'm going to blame him and leave him. @Elise1977 Thanks, if things do go badly, I will definitely pm you. I think I'm just overly cautious but when emotions are involved, I like a good plan just in case. It must have been really hard to get diagnosed out of the blue when you didn't expect it at all. Can't imagine what that's like. At least with me it sank in slowly, by the time I made it to a doctor, I had already found this site. @2Legit2Quit I can imagine that. I'm just going to be patient and calmly talk him through his insecurities. sadly, I can't hold his face and calm him down like that so Whatsapp will havz to dpmo. I just need to remember that his actions grow out of fear and insecurity and as long as he doesn't start blaming me or start questioning my honesty, we'll get through this just fine. Thanks everyone, this board is an absolute lifesaver, I literally feel safer all of you are here.

That's actually a great idea, if it were to go badly, thank you! I hadn't thought of google translate because I have a degree in translation and it's not something I tend to use :) I know I'm probably overly worried but it's such a difficult situation. He keeps saying 'I had nothing, I swear I ad nothing.' Which is his probably his way of being insecure because he feelsguilty about contaminating me on our first encounter and my first encounter ever. Lmao, kind of funny if you think about it :)

I've been looking but it's either a site filled with YOUR LIFE IS OVER NOW YOU'VE CONTRACTED THIS HORRIBLE DISEASE or HEY, I FOUND A CURE TO YOUR HORRIBLE DISEASE. I guess I'm just scared that if he gets info that's very different from whatI've been saying, he won't trust the info he gets from me anymore..

He can say wifi and sorry, that's about the extent of his knowledge of English :) If he spoke any I'd made him get an account here last Monday, sowe could be a bunch goofy idiots on here together. He speaks Spanish, Portuguese and Guaraní. I'm not sure I'll find support groups this great in those languages. He has to go back before 6 and I'm very much hoping they don't spook him.

Sooo, to continue the story, if anyone is still following? My poor bf had his appointment to get tested today and they sent him somewhere else. Now he's freaking out because he thinks it's really serious but they haven't even gotten his kit off yet so I told him my GP usually doesn't do genital-related things and I thought I was going to get referred but he wanted to check out my butt rash because I said it looked like 12 ants had bitten me in one spot and he got curious. Lmao my gp, why do I trust him with my health? ;) So now he's at the Apple store (because he had an appointment there too, turns out his phone might have HSV too lol) and then he's going to the other office. So he's a bit down and I'm scared he might not have the same type of medacal/emotional support I got and it's going to scare him. Because he's fine when I talk him through things but he (understandably) repanicks every once in a while and then he calms down when I give him the talk on how it's a skin condition and how he wouldn't even had known abouy it if I hadn't been bkessed with every single symptom. So, any advice on what to do if he gets comoletely different info than I am giving him? I can't claim to ve better informed than trained medical staff, even though with this site, I might actually. I can't send him here because he doesn't understand English and I'm not sure a community as helpful as this one exists in Spanish. On the plus side, he did say 'why just now?' And when I asked what he meant, he said, 'why with you? Out of all people, why did it have to happen with you?' I took that as a compliment zd told him it's because my body was vulnerableband that if it was going to happen, it was going to be with me because I'm apparently just more susceptible. But I'm still worried about what they're going to tell him. How likely is it that an sti clinic is going to be so badly informed that I come off as a fool or liar? My question being, how badly informed can I expect them to be? I know I'm pobably worried for nothing but it's still nagging in the back of my head. He did ask me to repeat all info I already know so he could tell the doctor the same information. I might just be psyching myself out. He was just such a worried little thing today, and I can't be there ad hold his hand. Hes such a careful and responsible person, I feel for him. Anyway, what should I prepare myself for in terms of his diagnosis and information? Could his bloodwork come out negative somehow?

Hi Let me just say I completely understand how you're feeling. I was incredibly worried about telling my bf, and we're already together and he 100% have it to me because I was a virgin before him. I was still scared to disclose. But think about it. You've given yourself 2 options: or you tell jim and risk losing him or you bail and you lose him anyway. If you tell him, there's a 50% chance he'll be oay with it (even if it takes a while). If you blow him off, there's 100% loss because you're not giving him the opportunity to process it. Even if he's not okay with it (which is his right), he'll be good practice for when you're ready to move in and maybe meet someone else. You're going to have to disclose for the first tile to someone, might as well be him. Because face it, staying #foreveralone is not realistic and honestly, you deserve to believe in love and then going out abd actually getting it. This condition doesn't mean you shouldn't believe in finding someone who loves you for you. There is also nothing wrong with choosing to be single, for whatever reason. I mean,we can't tell you what to do because you feel what you feel and there is no wrong way to have feelings. Butnot telling him is an automatic loss.

I'llbe looking into those, thanks. I usually try to get all the nutritionI need frol the food I ingest, I'm not a big fan of taking vitamins or supplements if you can just eat more consciously. But my magnesium supplements have been a lifesaver so I'll def look into what I eat and what's in there in terms of the building bricks you mentioned. I'm sure I'm good regarding vitmin C, my veg/fruit intake is pretty staggeringly high ;)

OMG love that meme. Makes me smile every time.

Thanks for your input, next week I'll def put my fasting on the back burner. the health benefits def don't just get tossed out of the window when you take a little break :)

But that's only in the absolute ideal circumstances. So that's still pretty high to me.

1/40 is not that low a number, though.

Also- you saw that he wasn't tested for herpes but had sex with him anyway. That's assuming some risk. Was that to me? He was tested, neither one of us was aware that herpes isn't standard part of testing. The key here is knowing you could make someone's life less carefree and more uncomfortable than it is and you refuse to give them a choice in the matter because you don't want to risk them not having sex with you. Your discomfort in someone rejecting you because of your condition doesn't outweigh their discomfort when they get infected without being given a choice by you first. Once you know, you have to give them a choice. Just because the risk is only .04% doesn't mean you won't contaminate them. I don't know why you're here trying to get people to agree with you making a selfish choice and taking someone else's away. I don't know what your primary OB was like, but if it was anything like mine, you wouldn't let them risk it without their active consent. Your freedom ends where someone else's begins. Your freedom to sleep around ends where someone else's to choose whether they want to take a calculated risk when sleeping with a stranger begins.

That's incredibly sane and mature of you and I commend you for that.

Having safe sex when you have no STIs is like driving a car. Having safe sex while having an STI that's not entirely prevented by condoms and not telling the other person is like driving a car and texting at the same time, hitting someone and then blaming them for not asking you not to text and drive at the same time. 'How did I know you didn't want me to drive and text, you didn't tell me up front.' Not my fault I hit you with my car.' You don't get to decide whether the risk is low enough or not for someone else. You just don't have that right. Just because you think it's low enough, doesn't mean someone else does too.

I got it during my first ever time, with someone I'd known for 3 months, who tested negative across the board (I saw his results), who didn't know herpes wasn't tested, didn't recognise his incredibly mild symptoms, hence didn't know he had it. And we used condoms throughout. I've been in a lot of physical pain, my holiday was pretty much ruined for the most part and now I'm dealing with this for the rest of my life, not knowing how much pain I'll have to endure in the future. Now I already have much peace with this, because the man who gave it to me genuinely didn't know and is very sorry to do this to me and is having to get tested himself next Monday (I wish I could go with him and hold his and but sadly I can't). If he could've given me a choice on whether he was worth the risk he would've. And I'm 100% sure I would've taken the risk and not regretted it even if I'd been infected. I can live with what happened. Now, if I would have had a one-night-stand with someone who knew they had it and didn't tell me, I'd probably want to kick his balls out of his mouth. With as much pain and panic I've gone through the past 2 weeks, I would not want to risk contaminating someone without giving them the right to decide for themselves whether they want to take that risk or not. I don't know if you realise it, but your magic sex might not be worth it to some and they have the right to make that decision. You don't get to decide for someone else whether your sexy times are worth getting a lifelong skin condition for. Even if it's just a skin condition. It's also just casual sex. I would be livid and bitter and have a much harder time accepting all this than I do now. You really don't get to decide whether someone else thinks your penis is worth the risk. Once you know, it's sort of evil not to disclose, even if the risk is fairly low If I were not given a choice, that's not a person worthy of seeing me naked and I'd feel very betrayed if someone did this to me. I'd instantly regret having slept with that person. It's just really selfish. Even if it's manageable, you have to let people decide whether they want to risk having to manage anything.

That's a bit contradictory, saying he' negative because his doctor hasn't called and then saying you contaminated him. That does sound like he's being overly reactive, which could mean he already knows he has it. On the other hand, he could just be scared and in denial and lashing out out of fear. It's hard to tell, it's such an emotional thing to have happen to you and people respond in different ways. TBH, no matter what happens with him, you're going to have to learn to find peace with it from within you, that's the only way you'll come out of this happy. Which I am positive you will.

Thanks, @TryingtoReach_Peace! I just drank a bit more milk than I usually do on fast days and I think it went okay.

@Anna01 Wow, thanks so much, those are such nice words. I've already read so many people beating themselves up about being promiscuous or w/e and it just breaks my heart a little. I was so panicky when I realised it was herpes and I could only remember it was incurable, it was just such a relief reading up on it and realising it's basically a skin condition in a place people don't like to talk about. I mean, it's a bummer but it's not even close to a life sentence in any way. Yeah, the bf is such a good guy, although a bit rash (ba dum dum tsssss) sometimes. He's already planning my next trip to his country because he felt like it today and I'm like, 'I have to be in my own country some time as well.' I potentially need to work to be able to afford the flights there, even though Ryanair is dirt cheap :) I guess it's his Latin American spontaneous nature and my Northern European organised one that's making us not agree on how often we can visit each other without bankrupting ourselves :)

I guess what helped me a lot is how unimpressed and unworried my GP was. He was all, 'oh, that's unpleasant.' And the man has known me since I was 2 and I was his daughter's first ever friend so it's not like his lack of worry was out of lack of caring for me. He was just not worried about it. So yes, finding people who are unimpressed will definitely help. Having people not blink an eye is works wonders. I'm also lucky in a way that I got it from my bf, who genuinely didn't know (still doesn't understand entirely how it happened tbh) because he couldn't but accept it's him because I was still a virgin before him. And he definitely noticed I was a virgin when we were going for it, haha, that first night I was an unbelievably clumsy mess. No one would've believed for a second I'd been with someone else before XD, so we're kind of in it together because we found out together. I haven't told my mum yet either, but that's mainly because I haven't told her about the bf because I wanted to see him in real life before I started considering him part of my real life. It's a bit sad telling everyone you're seeing someone in a different country and then meet up for real and realise you have no chemistry whatsoever. So now I need to combine the 'I have a LD boyfriend' with 'Hey, I have genital herpes but it's okay'. And I want to do it in a way that doesn't make him sound like an irresponsible prick :) I feel like time is going to give us the peace of heart and skills to deal with all of this in a comfortable and appropriate way. We'll get there. I have confidence in us :)

Haha let's hope so. I got it either september 15th or 17th. Am now finally towards the end of my primary OB. I was recovering from the flu and it set in a a whole new case of the flu (at the worst when I had to travel by train by myself). My whole chair area was a bloated, painful, itchy, swollen, blistery mess and on top of that I was camping and climbing hills/swimming in the sea every day. Although the sea salt might have been good for me? So yeah, fingers crossed this one was the worst. I now have the pins-and-needles in my legs, en some itchiness and some flaky leftover dried out blisters. I'm wishing witj you it doesn't get thatbad again.