TryingtoReach_Peace

I contracted herpes in September of last year. I had a lot of anger and confusion. I was a church girl, I did some fornicating...but did i really deserve this?!? Now, I know, herpes is a virus, honey. It doesn't say hey she's such a good person, she has such lofty goals for her future, i better pass her by. Herpes is just a virus. A crappy virus that comes to annoy me about once every 2 months. I've been through 2 disclosures and I survived. No one has rejected me yet because of it. I'm not leading with herpes and how i need acceptance. I'm leading with the awesome woman I am and the great personality I have. That's been enough so far. I decided to start counseling to stop using my body as a bargaining chip for love. Clearly, that has not worked out well for me lol. I'm now finally realizing i'm worth being treated well. It's not just about my body anymore. Now, I realize herpes isn't a curse. No one is asking for it, and we're just an unlucky bunch. But we're still people. Still loving people, still sexual people, still thriving and growing people. Herpes is a virus, not a life sentence. You are still free to be as beautiful as you are with or without it. Do you have a killer sense of humor? Are you so sweet you're giving all your friends cavities? Are you a dashing handsome guy? Are you just a person looking to get married and settle down? Whatever you are, you are. Herpes, is here...but it doesn't affect who exactly you are. I caught herpes, am I suddenly no longer funny or sweet? No. We're all the same wonderful person we were before we caught it, and now after we've caught it. Herpes should be a passenger in the car of your life not the driver. Life doesn't end, your still wonderful, and you'll survive this. Someone will love you for you not in spite of your herpes, but because of the wonderful person you are herpes and all.

I spent 26 years celebate. Then decided to 'explore' my sexually. Well, here I am. I'm about 2 months post diagnosis, and to be honest, I don't know if this is healthy or not but I don't give herpes much thought these days. I had sex with a good male friend 4 days later I had terrible discharge then two strange lesions appeared, ended up culture negative and blood test positive for HSV2. The guy I was with was negative, I'd been with three people before him, I don't know who gave it to me, and now I don't even care. It's ok to feel doomed and it's like a life sentence, but one day your symptoms more than likely will clear up. You will have sex again, and you're still the same person you were before getting herpes. Herpes is not life threatening (for most), doesn't stop you from having children, getting married, dating, going out with friends, living the life you want. Please, don't feel like H is a punishment, it's just a virus trying to find a host, we along with 20% of the population just happen to be a great host. H isn't you, you are still you. It's no life sentence, I mean it is, but good gracious there are just so many worse things out there...this is mostly like a sucky skin condition in a sensitive spot. Give it time, but it really is not life ending. Take some deep breaths like 2legit said, and relax, you're going to be ok. Good luck! PS it makes a great filter for your dating life ;)

You're so welcome for sharing! Actually today at lunch we were talking and she said something about you won't be my friend anymore because I have Leukemia. I told her you're not leukemia. We're still friends whether you have leukemia or not. I just knew how horrible that feeling could be...who will still stay around? It's scary, and i just hope to be there. I also realized I have dealbreakers too. I thought, I've been rejected and lost count of the men who didn't want a woman working a fulltime job and trying to go to grad school. I used to not bring up being in grad school until later, because I noticed a few attitudes cooled when they realized I really wouldn't be available, and though i'd make time...i can't always be spontaneous. @Dancer you're so correct! There are sooo many different things we disclose. I even realized when I 'disclosed' I was thinking of getting a cat to my current totally supportive male friend, he was more ready to opt of the romantic side to due an extreme allergy of cats than he was willing to opt out for herpes. H is just one more thing to talk about before getting involved, but the list is already pretty long of things to disclose anyway.

Hi gang I was diagnosed with HSV2 about 2 months ago. I sometimes get depressed thinking about this is an incurable disease I'll have to live with the rest of my life. I'm one who couldn't make it without taking Valtrex daily. I tried, even if i'm just a few hours late itching and tingling return, but with valtrex it's completely gone. I felt bad, my body wasn't so hot at fighting it off on it's own. Now I was here with this incurable disease. How sucky. Then I got to work today and a coworker confided that she had been diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. This is a cancer that has no cure. She'll have to be on and off treatment with cancer drugs the rest of her life. Even if she goes into remission, pretty much every person will relapse over and over for years. She's not fighting a stigma or something she can just take valtrex and forget, she's fighting for her life...forever. This cancer predisposes her so even if she wins against this one, it's very likely she'll develop another type somewhere else. After that I just thought what am I really so upset about? A stigma where my friends and family have accepted it and moved on? The worry about having sex again? Already did. Herpes isn't going to kill me, no one is going to give a prediction over how many years or months i have because of it. Herpes won't stand in the way of me having a family. It won't put me through chemo and radiation. It doesn't mean I'm saying it's a walk in the park for all I understand how it's ruined some people's lives. I'm just thinking no I don't have to look at my partner and say I may die from this, will you stay by me? I don't have to even worry if Valtrex will hurt a baby I carry, she'll worry about chemo and radiation and carrying a baby. So many worries that I really don't have with H. I just felt like, what am I worried about. Then I realized how very few worries I actually had.

For me i get a definite pressure/cramp feeling, and I know it's not time for a period. Also my discharge changes a lot. I had it twice with the discharge, the first time it lasted for 2 and 1/2 to 3 weeks, the 2nd time it lasted 2 days. For now I take Valtrex daily and use condoms, and just try to monitor if I feel anything going on, which on Valtrex I honestly feel like 99% back to normal. Which, yes, it scares me too, because if i have one inside...I wouldn't know, and I just try to keep him safe, by monitoring how i feel, and i notice during those times my nuvaring starts to slip out, so that's a tell-tale sign something is happening for me :(.

It may sound silly but i was very worried too, when i got my test and realized i'd had this for 3 months, and none of my doctors ran an HIV test...I felt very concerned. I ended up ordering a home HIV oral test and taking it. I just had enough bad news from the doctor and wanted to just face this myself alone. I'm all about studies and trust it's accuracy. When I go for my annual in January, I will certainly gt a blood test, but knowing i took a test that is 92% accurate it helped. It came out negative. After Herpes, well I now am avid about using protection, though i'm also cognizant of exactly how much 'protection' actually does.

I think it's because 80% of people with virus have no symptoms. So, I'm part of the unlucky 20% who are having a reaction. The rest are going through life feeling fine. Since it's not tested it's just spread and spread and spread. The person who knows they have it is being proactive (hopefully). Taking meds if necessary, monitoring their body for prodromes, and using protection in appropriate circumstance. As for the person who doesn't know, they aren't taking precautions so, it's quite a bit easier for them to spread it. Plenty of people will continue to have sex if it's just a 'shaving bump' or 'bug bite'. I think that's probably the main source of infection is not knowing who has it, and that all symptoms don't look like Google. Makes me kind of smirk now when i think of how many people bash people with herpes but probably have it themselves.

I feel like oh brother, I had sex without a condom, with someone i trusted. Am I really the first or last person to gamble with that? No, I'm not. So, we can all keep beating ourselves up for not wearing condoms, or we can decide I'm already here and I have this. And shoot who knows, was the blister or shedding area even on the penis? I'm not killing myself trying to figure out exactly how i got it. And like you said vicitims of rape or sexual assaults, wth they didn't even gamble they just got incredibly shitty criminal actions directed at them that now have resulted in an infection too. I can only start taking care of myself and doing my best to keep anyone else from contracting it. That's it, I've tried educating some, but I find most really just don't want to hear anything about herpes. I don't like it, but i'm not making war on fb lol. I'm going to just enjoy my evening and hope there will be more research on herpes and keep it moving. :)

Hi group just an interesting article on new estimates of prevalence of HSV1 and HSV2. http://who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2015/herpes/en/ I made the mistake of reading the comments on fb. There's a lot of misinformation and hate...for really no good reason. Well, on that note, I will not read those comments again lol.

I have to say I am absolutely in love with fractionated coconut oil! I put it in the bath. Also I use it as a carrier oil for tea tree oil. I unfortunately like you added it directly to my skin and got a warm not so delightful irritation form. Now i use either a tbs of fractionated coconut oil with 1-2 drops tea trea oil, or apricot oil with 1-2 drops melissa oil, then dip in a cotton ball and apply. I feel incredibly moisturized. I feel more moisturized post herpes than I was pre H lol. Adding the oils to a bath makes me feel sooo much better. Sadly, can't take a bath everyday have to shower and run to work and school. For my bath I add a eucalyptus scented epson salt, a few squirts of coconut oil 10 drops of tea tree oil, 10 drops of melissa oil, and 10 drops of lemon oil. I feel great after this and your who body will feel moisturized all day and into the next. Good luck!

I have to agree with hippyherp, your bf is a grown man. He wants to be with you. He doesn't want to be with herpes, you are not herpes. You are still you. You are still worth the risk to be with. If you take as much responsibility as possible to try and prevent it from spreading you've done your part. He can make up his own mind if this is a risk he's willing to take, sounds like he already decided you are much bigger asset than the risk of herpes. Herpes doesnt need to be a prison that makes you worthy or unworthy of love. It's a skin disease that sucks. You don't suck. It does. Besides, I've found with my guy he doesn't talk about it much either. Not because he's in denial, we did the facts and figures talk, he told me he doesn't want to talk about it because it's not that important, and he doesn't like seeing me beat myself up and get depressed. Imagine that. :) He's H-, and would like to stay that way lol. Yeah I still go through the I want this virus out phase. But it's here to stay, most of the time it's not even active (hopefully!). It's the lifelong 'friend' I certainly didn't want, but it sure is forcing me to see who is in it for the long haul and who wasn't. Good luck!

I'm sorry @Brynn2012. I don't know much, I've only Herpes for a month, but I can relate to your frustration with friends. You try to give them some info, tell them to get tested, tell them how high the numbers are...it's hard when they don't want to hear it. Like they are above getting it, so they just stick their heads in the sand and let the same old symptoms keep coming and going. I get it. Here you are, you decided to go face the music and get tested, others decide not to. It sucks. I can't give you advice about what to do with your friends, you know them better than i do. Sometimes even people who care, they just have no idea. They can say such hurtful things. Do such hurtful things. I told my close friends about joining an online support group, I notice when I'm really in the trenches of my feelings they just kind of tell me to go vent to the support group. They don't have it so they don't get it. Honestly, they don't want to talk about it much either. One time last week i got so tired of my friends saying things about 'your condition this' 'the disease you got that' I said 'I'm sick of the euphamisms It's Herpes! I have Herpes, you can call it by it's name you won't get infected from using it's name.' They were all pretty shocked. We love our friends, they love us, but they certainly don't love H. It's hard to find a balance for your heart, your head, and your relationships. Like you said 'You're doing the best you can', that's all you can do. It's ok to get angry sometimes, but please don't lose your heart to never feel again. Feelings hurt and get muddled and mixed, but please don't give up on them forever. It's ok to wall off for a bit, but i'm sure you have someone in your life who is willing to scale the wall of heart to be around you H and all. I'm sorry this happened to you, and i know it sucks a lot. Good luck, I'm rooting for youl

Yes, I've been Vit D deficient for years. Which is pretty much my fault since where I live it's quite sunny 90% of the time lol. However, I did start taking a vitamin supplement to try and get that right, also taking daily walks during the fall when the leaves are falling is a great time to get Vit D and a little exercise :). When I started taking my multi-vitamin I did notice a huge energy boost.

I find that when I take the valtrex 1 gm a day vs just the 500 mg it makes a huuuge difference. I tried to wean off, and as soon as I did tingling, itching, pain, burning were out of control, after just two days I was here ranting and raving. I still have some itching and burning, but it s not the intensity it was. It honestly felt like my butt crack had gone insane, and my labia were raw and felt swollen and terrible. I'm sorry for the detail. I couldn't sleep through the night, I was irritable. I'm very impressed with what just taking 2 pills vs one pill can do. It's ok to need help, and valtrex is here to help (that's my mantra). Do I feel perfect? Nope. However, I feel a lot better. Tonight that is good. I feel like my labia aren't nearly as affected as my butt has been. Herpes certainly doesnt fit in any boxes. I'm going to find peace and acceptance of what my body does and doesnt do.

Yeah, you are all right. I can't sit around shaming myself forever. It's over, the virus is here to stay. I guess I got a case of herpes jealousy. I read all these stories on google about people who just have one outbreak and that's it for many years, I'm not in that camp, but I sure wanted to be. It feels like two areas about the size of quarters on parallel opposite sides of my but start burning at random times. I've had problems with that area, as a kid I broke my coccyx and it's always been a bit weird there, but now it's to a new extreme. I'll survive, and take all my home remedies plus valtrex, and stop shaming myself and just do better.