hippyherpy

Anna, if I believed I had a significant risk of passing on herpes, I wouldn't have sex with people without disclosing. But that is not the case with a .04% risk of transmission. Also, I know that the power of the stigma because I believed it too before I got herpes. It's not a secret or betrayal if the other person doesn't ask. If they ask, then we can have the talk and I can tell them ".04%" and how billions of dollars have probably been spent trying to keep a false stigma alive so that big pharma can make a lot more money.

Like you, Adriel- you're name is out there. You have a website that tells the world "I have herpes" Why should you have to have "the talk" If some girl is interested in having sex with you, she can you look you up online. A lot of girls do that kind of snooping/stalking when they are considering a man for a relationship beyond a one night stand anyway.

Adriel, you make a good point. How can someone disclose on a one night stand? In my experience so far, the minute someone hears "herpes" they are out the door. It happened to me recently. There's a lot of advice out there for women saying things like "herpes is great because it helps me screen out the guys who aren't into me" etc. There is very little advice for guys who want to have casual sex. Combine super low transmission rate of .04% with the fact that it is a shared responsibility- it takes two people to have sex. If one person doesn't ask, why should I have to bring it up? Here's another example to illustrate my point. Let's say you are a straight man (read: not gay at all and the thought of having sex with another man makes induces nausea) and you meet a girl who seems super attractive. You allow her to give you oral sex, then later you find out that she was really a man dressed as woman. Like Herpes, what's done is done, and you can't erase that memory. Like most cases of herpes, the actual physical problems that would come after the fellatio incident are negligible (or in the case of herpes, very manageable considering that anyone, even people with no money can get health insurance and get a Valtrex prescription now). It can even be argued that the psychological distress that someone who goes through that experience could be similar to the stress caused by the false stigma of herpes. The question is- is the man dressed like a woman really at fault? He/she was just doing his/her thing. The guy on the receiving end of the oral sex didn't ask if it was a man or a woman, so I think it's his responsibility to deal with the consequences and how he feels about the situation. That's how I think about my herpes infection.. it's not life threatening and I had it coming. I don't blame the person who gave it to me. ---- Also, on the topic of disclosure.. For famous people who are known to have it, like Derek Jeter.. does he have to have "the talk" with new girls? It's public knowledge that he has it, so doesn't that count as disclosure. Which makes me think- if there was an online database where people who have herpes could list their names for all the public to see.. would they still have to have "the talk"- since it would be out there in the public, wouldn't it be up to the person that was considering having sex with them to look it up?

If someone asked me I wouldn't lie about. How many people out there have your condition? How many people out there with your condition would sleep around like one night stand knowing they had your condition and what could happen? I'd have no problem talking about it if they want to bring it up, but why should it be up to me to bring it up? Also compare .04 % transmission to 5-10% of viral shedding for that 1/8 people ( works out to possible 1.25% ) who don't know they have it- it's less of a chance. So, yes if this is the case, they have less of a chance of getting than with some random dude. People are rolling the dice when they go home with a stranger, and they might be rolling the dice even in a monogamous relationship. You missed the point of the article. It said, yes, in some cases 80% of the time viral shedding can occur, but with Valtrex- it reduces the shedding by 80%.. it didn't say that viral shedding will still be there 80% of the time with Valtrex- that the Valtrex works to supress it. I was shocked when I found out I had it, but the truth is I should have gotten it a long time ago. I didn't get the risks before. For me, it's been a few blisters that went away. I take a pill everyday, and I don't have any problems. Some one like yourself, in the situation that you are in, I can understand why you'd be mad if you knew about what you had and the person lied to you anyway. That is a true betrayal. However, that's very different from a situation in which the infected partner is doing the opposite of the reckless thing and taking all the measures to drop transmission rate down .04% which probably lower than the rate you'd expect from sharing a towel or whatever. Not to belittle your situation, but the legality of herpes is very screwed up. How you can prove that a particular person gave it to you, especially if you are sleeping around a lot? Someone with herpes can be taken to court for this and then think they are guilty even when they might not be. Check out this article: http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/aug/19/jail-herpes-sexually-transmitted-infection ".. given the widespread incidence of herpes infection in the general population (70% have facial herpes (cold sores) and 10% genital herpes according to the Herpes Viruses Association) and that people may pass on the virus through "asymptomatic shedding", millions of people have been rendered potential criminals, including, presumably, those who pass on cold sores through kissing (how is "sexually transmitted" to be defined?). Third, given that herpes may be dormant for a long time, people may assume that it is a current partner who has transmitted it when in fact it was a previous one (the science is insufficient to establish that this is not the case), and people may ill-advisedly plead guilty when confronted with an allegation."

Herpes has been with us for longer than the human race can remember. It's not deadly. I have a hunch that all the hysteria surrounding herpes was drummed up by pharmaceutical companies trying to make profit selling drugs for herpes. Why would we want to play into their frame by continuing to make a big deal out of this thing via "disclosure" talks? Just so that they can keep their pockets lined with ridiculously high profit margins? Do we really want want to feed the hype machine?

Typo- autocorrect wrote "heroes" where I meant to say herpes.

I prefer casual sex and I'm pretty sure "the talk" isn't going to fly with some girl I just picked up from a bar who wants to have sex with me. That said, the following article says that a study was done and the results showed that combining daily Valtrex with condoms resulted in a transmission rate of .04% I think this is pretty significant to the disclosure discussion. What this means is that there is probably a greater chance that the girl who's out looking to hook up that night will get herpes from some other guy she might have met at the bar who wasn't aware that he had it (1 out 4 people in my area have it, so that's probably something like 1/8 males, and 80% of them don't know they have it so they wouldn't be on Valtrex) than from someone who is taking Valtrex every day, using condoms for vaginal sex, and avoiding sex during breakouts. Can we really say that it would be reckless not to disclose with a .04 transmission possibility? Wouldn't I actually be doing her a favor by taking her "off the market" that night from potential partners who don't know they have it? Isn't she taking some responsibility from the get go by hooking up with "random" guys. Let's be honest, girls do that a lot these days in our current Tinder/hook-up culture. A few other questions: what about raw sex or blow jobs? Are they totally out of the question or does Valtrex allow them to be in the equation? Also, is it really necessary to see an Infectious Disease specialist after you get diagnosed? I think there is way too much stigma surrounding genital herpes. It's straight up nonsense that oral heroes people don't "have to" disclose but genital HSV people do. There is so much stigma that I'm not sure that disclosure is always the best way to think about moving forward with ones sex life because trying to explain all of this is probably not going to make sense on a one night stand.. consider that so many people are misinformed about the risks of getting it and how "bad" it is (it's not HIV but it gets treated in our culture as a social death sentence regardless). If you are taking the best precautions than why not just go about doing your thing? You aren't hooking up during breakouts. You are taking the daily supressive therapy and using condoms. The people who are out there who are living the hook up lifestyle are probably going to get it sooner or later anyway- I know because I'm one of them. Here is the article I mentioned: http://www.herpes.org/protecting-uninfected-partners/ The 2004 publication of the results of a major scientific study on genital herpes has given new hope to couples in which one partner has herpes and the other does not. In January, 2004, in the New England Journal of Medicine, the results of a multicenter, randomized, clinical trial was published. This landmark study has offered new hope to these “discordant” couples, in which person has genital herpes and the other does not. It is known that partners infected with genital herpes can transmit the infection to an uninfected partner BOTH when symptoms are present (such as redness and blisters) as well as when no symptoms are present (called “asymptomatic shedding”; see the paper on Asymptomatic Shedding at www.herpes.org ). Researchers have shown that viral shedding of herpes virus occurs very often from the genitals of the infected partner even when the infected partner has no symptoms: In some cases over 80% of the time. This means that an infected partner can transmit herpes to the uninfected partner even when no symptoms are present. Wald et al, as well as other authors, have previously described on many occasions that the use of an antiviral compound such as Valtrex or acyclovir promptly decreased the incidence of viral shedding, reducing the shedding by over 80% in many cases. This profound reduction of viral particles was so significant that it made sense to do a research study to see if, indeed, that fewer uninfected partners became infected when the infected partner took antiviral medication regularly. This important study enrolled 1484 discordant couples (again, “discordant” means that one partner had genital herpes and the other did not). The study ran for eight months. With half of the couples the infected partner took Valtrex, and in the other half the infected partner took placebo. The results were vitally important to discordant couples. The research team found that infections developed in the uninfected partner in only 4 of the 743 couples in which the infected partner took Valtrex, whereas 16 of 741 uninfected partners developed the infection when placebo was taken. This was a reduction in risk to the uninfected partners of about 50%, when the statistics were examined. Viral shedding was reduced by about 70% when Valtrex was taken. Close examination of the data indicates another important point. When partners wore condoms during intimate contact WHILE the infected partner took Valtrex every day, then only a single uninfected partner developed genital herpes. This, I think, is a very important take home point. Discordant couples should discuss whether the infected partner should take antiviral therapy. These results give scientific proof that a discordant couple that approaches intimate contact with care can protect the uninfected partner to a very high degree. As the data prove, the results suggest that the chance of the uninfected partner becoming infected is reduced from 8 incidences per 220 couples that nearly always wore condoms but NO Valtrex (about a 4% chance overall) to 1 incidence in 223 couples that nearly always wore condoms and Valtrex WAS taken daily (about a 0.4% chance). So, if the infected partner takes DAILY Valtrex AND the couple “nearly always” uses condoms, as well as avoiding intimate contact if any symptoms are present, the risk of contracting genital herpes during an eight month period goes from about four chances in a hundred all the way down to 4 chances in a thousand. This is a 90% risk reduction from NOT using medication and NOT using condoms. By the way, Valtrex is the drug that was studied in this case. Would other antivirals work, such as Famvir or generic acyclovir? We do know that viral shedding is also reduced for acyclovir. However, the pharmacokinetics of Valtrex show that it generates a four hundred percent higher level of acyclovir in the bloodstream than does generic acyclovir (Valtrex turns INTO acyclovir once it is absorbed). Thus, it is possible that Valtrex is a superior drug and might have greater protection. This study did not look at the other drugs, and chances are that such a study might not be undertaken, given the enormous cost of conducting this research. Finally, REMEMBER!! This study only looked at people who took the medication every single day during the study. There is NO PROOF that taking a pill right before intercourse – or for a few days before intimate contact – offers ANY protection to the uninfected partner at this time. Perhaps such a study will be done one day, but for now, to offer the best chance to the uninfected partner, then the infected partner must take the medication every day. As with all medical information, persons with herpes infections and their partners should make ALL medical decisions together with an informed and caring physician so that the right care is given. CONCLUSION: This important work sends a very clear message. As Corey et al pointed out in a recent edition of Herpes magazine, “the International Herpes Management Forum (IHMF) now recommends that physicians offer suppressive valaciclovir therapy to immunocompetent individuals concerned about transmitting genital herpes to a heterosexual partner, and advises safer sex behaviour, including the use of condoms, to prevent genital herpes transmission.”2 References