Lollyann76

@ANON463829 I have been through what you're feeling, when I first contracted genital herpes, then again when I realized my marriage was failing. (Because my then-husband was my giver, I was terrified that no one would want to be with me...) When I got with my giver (ex-husband), he did not disclose to me, and when I contracted it, I was devastated emotionally. It took me a long time to forgive him. When our marriage started to fail, I swore I would not do to someone else what had been done to me. Well, soon after my divorce was final, I got involved with someone. I was too afraid and ashamed to tell him I have genital herpes, and did not disclose. That was a huge mistake on my part. It destroyed me inside. When our "situation" ended, I spent a good amount of time concentrating on me. I've told a lot of people that I have genital herpes, and many times I've gotten the response, "So do I". Most of these "disclosures" were part of casual conversation, the ones I really like are the more difficult ones for me. I recently met someone I really like. I disclosed to him within a week, it just felt like the right time. He was not put off in any way whatsoever. As a matter of fact, he thanked me, and told me that he admired the courage it must have taken. He also said he has a lot of respect for me. He then stayed the night. (No intercourse, as I want to take it slow, and he respects that as well.) He is staying the night again tonight. There are a LOT of people out there that will accept you, herpes and all. There are also a LOT of people out there that will respond with, "I have it too". I hope this helps in some way. (((hugs)))

Thank you, @Username! You said it much more simply than I! Lol

It's all good. :) Fortunately, I rarely get outbreaks anymore. But I have to be sure not to allow myself to get physically exhausted, and avoid anything with high levels of Arginine. The first couple of years were hell, constant outbreaks and severe nerve pain. I suppose the massive amounts of stress I was under, along with my period causing hormones to go crazy every month, didn't help. ;) I've read so many times that a lot of people don't have recurrences, or have very mild recurrences. I wasn't so lucky, but I do hope you're one of those lucky people! (((hugs)))

This is something that hopefully someone more knowledgeable can answer for you, as I don't know or understand everything there is to this virus. I have seen others say that autoinoculation is possible, primarily during an initial outbreak. When I first contracted the virus, I didn't even know that's what it was, and continued on as normal, without transferring it. (And I did a LOT of rubbing and "scratching" of my genitals due to the itching... lol) For many years, the outbreaks occurred in one of two or three locations around the genitals. It wasn't until the past 5 years or so that they started occurring in other areas. (Still in the genitals)

@itsjustarash HSV is able to enter anywhere there is skin to skin contact, especially with friction. Personally, I've had genital herpes for 15 years, and the outbreaks have not always been in the exact same location. I've had them in several locations around my genitals. It's not guaranteed that avoiding sex until you've built up more antibodies is going to prevent you from having outbreaks on your shaft, or other locations. From what I've read, it all depends on what nerves the virus chooses to travel down when an outbreak occurs.

Blood tests, including the Western Blot, can't tell you the location of infection. The only way to know, is if you have lesions and get them swabbed.

@20Plus I posted a comment just before you. Having disclosed to many people, and not experiencing this anxiety, I had a feeling there were other reasons for it. It wasn't only disclosure that was causing the anxiety, it was the feeling that I couldn't be vulnerable with him at all. About anything. I couldn't be myself in any way. It was very stressful because I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I bit the bullet, opened up a little, and he's gone. I've had herpes for over 15 years. I've accepted it, and I'm not ashamed at all. But I also don't feel the need to shout it from the rooftops, or share the information with someone that can't handle a woman just barely opening up to him emotionally. ;)

Thank you for the responses, @RegularGuy and @LittleStar. I had been seeing some red flags with this guy, but choosing to see the good in people, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I did open up to him a little about other things after my post. Nothing too dramatic, just telling him some things that wouldn't make decent men run, and guess what...? He ghosted. Lol I gave him an out, and he took it. I'm thankful, because I now know he wasn't someone I would want to be completely vulnerable with. Thank you both again for the responses. I'm quickly learning that the intense anxiety I experience with some of these men isn't necessarily because of the possible disclosure. It's more my gut screaming that these are the wrong men for me.... :)

Okay, y'all... I've posted before about getting more comfortable with disclosing and getting positive responses. The majority of the guys I disclosed to (with the exception of one) were guys that I wasn't emotionally invested/genuinely interested in. I suppose that made it much easier to deal with the possibility of rejection, because I'm now in a situation that's causing me serious anxiety. I hope some of you will read all of this and give me some feedback. I have a good female friend that I talk with about this, but she doesn't truly understand. I met this man back in February. Very attractive man, very confident, hard worker, with the appearance that he has it all together. After texting with him for a couple of weeks, I realized I could actually like him, and ceased communication. I ghosted him. Since meeting him, I have done this several times, and each time he will get back in touch with me after a few weeks or a couple of months. This time, I have made more of an effort to stay in touch with him, even though I constantly tell myself all the reasons I should just cut ties with him. Reasons such as: He's only interested in sex, he works too much and that's a deal breaker, I can't be myself with him because he will see that I'm not up to his standards, he's too good for me, and the list goes on. The thing is, he has made it very clear that he's not only interested in sex. Yes, he works too much, but if he's willing and able to make time for me, I'm fine with that. We've not spent much time together, the bulk of our communication is through text, and this could be due to the fact that I don't express to him that I want to spend time with him, I want for us to get to know one another better. In a nutshell... I feel like a fraud. I feel as though I am presenting myself to him as someone that I'm not. I feel as though by letting him get to know the real me, before telling him I have herpes, that I am, in a sense, leading him on... So I've held back A LOT, and have been comfortable with the lack of in-person interaction. (He did come stay the night with me last Sunday, and I loved having that time with him, but I immediately felt the need to distance myself or completely cut ties after he left.) I am fully aware that herpes does not define me, I am comfortable talking about it with a lot of people. But when it comes to someone that I am genuinely interested in, I am filled with fear. It's beginning to affect our interactions. I read too much into everything he says and does, I distance myself instead of telling him how I'm feeling, and I know it has to be confusing and frustrating for him. (I've been in his position, and I know it was confusing and frustrating for me!) I do like this man. I like his confidence (even though I sometimes tell myself that's a good reason to cut ties, he's TOO confident), he has a positive attitude, he's kind, and courteous, and chivalrous. The negative qualities I see aren't big disasters, yet I will focus on them looking for reasons to not pursue anything with him. So yeah... this is what I'm currently dealing with. I like this guy, and I'm resisting the urge to run as fast and as far as I can, all because I don't want him to see me as "damaged goods". I've done this many times in the 3 and a half years that I've been divorced, and I don't want to continue doing it. I want to do things differently, but I am so freaking scared!!!

@j_avalon I have disclosed to several people in the very beginning. One guy I told during our first conversation, and his reply was "My ex wife of 12 years had it, so I probably do too." Two other guys told me they have it as well. Another guy wasn't fazed in the least. The last guy I mention, I had a difficult time telling because I had gotten to know him and like him, but as I said, he wasn't fazed. Many others that I've disclosed to haven't been deterred. Unfortunately, we weren't looking for the same thing (I want a relationship, they wanted something more casual). When to disclose is a purely personal decision. I've found that it's easier for me to do it in the very beginning, because once I start to really like someone, I become more concerned with whether or not they will accept that I have herpes. I want to add that telling them in the very beginning seems to make them more interested, I can only assume because of the honesty factor. If I'm honest about that, I'll be honest about everything... Ya know? ;)

@Drkyle To my knowledge, the only things that decrease shedding are taking antivirals daily, and time. From what I've gathered, the longer you have the virus, the less it sheds. Other than these two things, I know of no "home remedies" to decrease shedding. As for decreasing the frequency and duration of outbreaks; Again, antivirals daily, changing the diet can help by eliminating or limiting foods/drinks that cause outbreaks (this is different for everyone and something you may have to experiment with to find what, if any, foods/drinks trigger outbreaks for you), doing what you can to strengthen your immune system, doing things to decrease stress (as this is often a trigger for many people), and time. Personally, I have to avoid anything high in Arginine, I take a Lysine supplement every day, as well as Vitamin C, Zinc, and a probiotic. I've also had genital herpes for 15 years, so I have that going for me... I have very few outbreaks these days, and when I've had them, they came after having too much Arginine, or were brought on by exhaustion and stress. I hope this helps. :)

@fonda I don't have a penis, but I can say that I do experience a very sensitive, irritated feeling, and sometimes swollen clitoris/urethra. I've had genital herpes for 15 years, and to be honest, I don't remember if this was something that happened in the early months/years... At that time, I was too overwhelmed with the emotional aspect and the incredible nerve pain in my buttock and leg. When I experience the clitoris/urethra symptoms, it's not terribly frequent, and they only last 2 or 3 days. But again, I've had herpes for 15 years, so that may have something to do with it. I hope it eases up for you soon. (((hugs)))

@Jack101 Many people, myself included, like to know what's going on with their bodies. There have been many people say that their outbreak symptoms have been atypical, and presented as something other than the lesions we all know as herpes lesions. It's very helpful to know what is an outbreak and what isn't, so we can avoid sex during these times, and lessen the risk of transmitting it to someone who doesn't have herpes.

I am happy that things have turned out so well for you! As someone that suffered horribly painful and frequent outbreaks for the first two years or so after contracting genital herpes, I can relate to some of the misery you experienced with your first outbreak. I do have to disagree with your advice about not telling or talking to anyone about it. Everyone is different, and I absolutely respect that this is what's been best for you. I, on the other hand, felt like I had a deep, dark, dirty secret and carried an immense amount of shame regarding having herpes. One of the first people I told when I found out 15 years ago, was my mother. While she is narcissistic, she was not mean, nor has she treated me any differently. (I do know that she covertly told everyone in the family, but I don't care about that, I know my mom and I knew she would. None of my family treats me any differently anyway.) In recent months, I have started talking about it much more openly, with many different people, and this has been what's helped me the most. Those that I've told treat me no differently. MANY have even told me that they, too, have genital herpes. In all honesty, that's been an amazing experience for me. At one point, I created a profile on one of the regular dating sites, and stated right there, with my photo, that I have genital herpes. I got messages telling me how much they appreciated my honesty. And I got plenty of messages from men who were interested in me. So, while it has been best for you not to tell anyone, this isn't going to be the case for everyone. :)

@Katidid Could oral sex not also explain how he acquired HSV1? He doesn't know where it's located, and I would think with HSV1 preferring the mouth, it's just as likely that he acquired it orally. Assuming he performed oral sex on his partner. ;)