9 Month Update: Good News & Bad News :)

[unwritten]

So I haven't been on here since October which is probably a good thing since I was in such a dark place. I was borderline suicidal, depressed, and had clinical anxiety. Figured I'd come in and provide an update so that people who are newly diagnosed can see it gets better! I'll start with the bad to get that out of the way.....

The Bad News

1. A single day hasn't gone by that I still don't think about my giver and the night I'm pretty sure it happened. However, I can think about it, and move on instead of be paralyzed or overcome with regret and grief all day like I used to.
2. I get outbreaks at least every 2-3 months. It's still my first year so I'm not surprised, but was hoping to be one of the lucky ones with infrequent or rare symptoms
3. I haven't had sex or a relationship since I got HSV2 9 months ago
4. I haven't identified my "triggers" yet so I haven't been successful in preventing outbreaks. It seems super random.

The Good News

1. I am so much happier overall! I went to therapy for months (sometimes multiple times a week) to work through it, and took some time off to get myself together. I used to need Xanax to function and get through my day (first time in life), but was able to stop taking it about a month after my diagnosis
2. I have 3 friends that I told, who helped me get through the first few months (and one girl on here that let me call her which was amazing!). I strongly suggest you confide in someone! Don't go through it alone! It's super scary to tell people but in my experience they were SO supportive and helpful since one friend actually has it too. 
3. I've been on a few dates, and had one disclosure that actually went okay! We didn't have sex that night (I told him like in the heat of the moment - don't do that!), but he shocked me a few weeks later by asking if I had any condoms. I didn't so we didn't have sex. But just having him ask made me realize that it's not necessarily a dealbreaker like I thought. And I know that whoever my future partner is will love all of me. I can't wait to experience that.
4. My outbreaks are becoming shorter and less painful. My primary one was 3 weeks and I could barely use the bathroom, second 2 weeks (I ran out of Valtrex in the middle of it), third maybe a week, and the one I just finished was less than a week. Hoping to get to a day or 2  (or none) like I've heard many people experience!
5. I'm able to recognize when it's about to start a lot better (finally!). It progresses REALLY fast from prodrome to outbreak (like a matter of hours), but it seems if I take meds immediately at 1000 mg, I'm able to keep it from being full blown.
6. I feel like me again on most days. Never thought I'd feel this way, but H isn't something I think about constantly anymore. And don't feel like a walking stigma or secret like I used to. I'm an intelligent, beautiful and funny girl just like I was before this happened, and I choose to focus on that despite this skin condition. Because that's all it is. A skin condition in an awkward place. 

My advice for those struggling: Do whatever it takes to get in a better space mentally. Take time off, talk to friends, get therapy,  make friends on this forum, do whatever makes you happy. Half the battle is getting back to you. Once that happens, your body will be less stressed and can do the work of handling the virus. And then you can look up and realize 9 months have gone by and you haven't been on the H Opportunity forum because you don't need to anymore. 

It gets better!

[mr_hopp]

Thank you for sharing this, @unwritten. I'm so glad to hear things are going better for you. And it's great when you can come back and share the fruits of your own healing journey with others. That's what it's all about. 

"Half the battle is getting back to you." Love it. And here's to it feeling like less of a battle, more of a journey. We can all tend to make life's "opportunities" much more of a battle than they need to be (myself included). 

Big hugs! 

[missanonymous]

That's so inspiring. I'm dealing with my second outbreak right now. It sucks soooo much! I think I was doing pretty well until my second outbreak. I'm afraid that it'll be super frequent too. I already lost like 8lbs after my first OB because I was afraid to eat anything. I haven't gained much of the weight back yet either. I'm eating more than I did after the first one but I'm afraid of loosing more weight.

 

Emotionally I feel like I'm getting stronger but the physical part is starting to take a toll. I was diagnosed in April. 

 

How soon after your diagnosis did you start dating again?

[unwritten]

Hi! I missed this response (I need to start checking "notify responses")

I honestly still haven't truly started (I.e. haven't had sex), but I went out on my first date maybe 4 months after I was diagnosed. Since then been out on maybe 2 super casual just to get out. I plan to start practicing again (just getting out even if I have no intention of sex or long-term anything) because I can't let this virus end what in retrospect was an amazing life.