how can i tell her that I have herpes without scaring her?

[everyday_normalguy]

hello it's been almost a year since I've been on here. I'm now 24 and I've been going through so much. I've just got out of an year an a half relationship. then four months later I'm dating this amazing women. she's great an she makes me so happy and to be honest that scares me. I'm afraid that once i tell her about me then she wont accept me for it. she has her own problems and i don't want to bare her with mine. she has a spinal cord disease called syringomyelia and i'm worried that i would just ruin her life. Part of me thinks i should just end things with her and avoid an awkward conversion. hell, maybe saving her the paid of all of this. but another part of me wants to tell her and have no idea how. any advice?

[mr_hopp]

Welcome to what vulnerability feels like, bro. There are no guarantees that how you say it or what you say will scare her or won't. All you can control is your side of the disclosure. How you feel about yourself. And the feelings you have toward her. You can't control how she will react. Have you read the e-book yet (link below)? I've also put a lot of links below for you to read. There's a ton of information all over the blog and these forums on this question. Getting right with yourself is the best and most beneficial thing you can do. Be careful of the power of a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you're worried that you'll just ruin your life, things are bound to go shitty ... Why? Not because you're a shitty person, but because that's where your focus is! What you focus on becomes bigger! If you don't focus on the potential of ruining someone's life and instead focus on the awesome, supportive guy that you clearly are, then everything shifts. I promise you. If you stop seeing yourself that way, the true YOU gets to shine through. Stop being so hard on yourself, bro. It's not worth it. Allow yourself to care for this woman. Allow the care for yourself and for her to shine through. The words will come from there. And what will be will be. Don't force anything. Just be yourself.

 

Here are some helpful links for you:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP (to download the e-book on positive disclosure)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-you-are-what-you-think/

http://herpeslife.com/i-have-herpes-two-parts-of-the-herpes-talk/

http://herpeslife.com/the-placebo-effect-use-the-power-of-your-mind-to-put-herpes-into-real-perspective

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-wordplay-the-power-of-words/

http://herpeslife.com/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy/

[everyday_normalguy]

thank you for the support

[mr_hopp]

Hey bro,

 

My pleasure. And are you gaining anything from what I said? I want to make sure you're getting something from the support. Can you give a longer response to check in?

[everyday_normalguy]

i'm still trying to let it all sink in. ( the fact that she the first person i have to disclose too) but yes i love myself and i know that besides having herpes i can be the best bf or lover any one could have. just im scared at the same time. hell i dont even know if she feels the same way. its only been a month. but she makes those herpes jokes about stuff. like saying that she wishes her ex would get it and just laughs about it. i still feel as if me and her dont work out i want to tell her and share the knowledge of herpes. i've been reading posts and posts about other peoples stories. the good and the bad and i hope that soon i can share my story as one of the good ones.

[mr_hopp]

Ah, got it. Thanks for sharing yourself more fully, bro. And just because she makes those insensitive jokes doesn't necessarily mean she will be insensitive to you. You're an actual person she knows, not some blanket abstraction known as "those people with herpes." I'm glad you've been reading and taking in all the knowledge. And when it comes down to it, it's who you are that she will see; not herpes. So don't be afraid to show yourself. That's vulnerability. And that's a certain kind of powerful, magnetic courage (a heartfelt courage that, ahem, women especially truly appreciate).

[everyday_normalguy]

thank you, i've never been the type to open up. so this is really hard for me. but since i got herpes i've just want to tell people and show them that its not so bad. i'm a guy in the military so i hear the herpes jokes way too often and to avoid the awkwardness i sometimes join in with the laughing and just die inside. because people have a hard time accepting who we are. and i just want to spread the love but not be.....i guess treated differently because of what i have. so i'm learning to open up to people haha maybe too much at once sometimes but its a start. so thank you all and god bless