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Disclosing/Dating


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Hi everyone! I’m a 24 year old female, I was diagnosed with HSV2 in 2018 and as most people felt, I was tarnished and finished. I contracted it from my then boyfriend who just couldn’t stay faithful. Flash forward to my life now, i’ve been in one relationship and I disclosed before it even started and to my surprise he disclosed back. We were together for about a year and thank God it’s over. It was a traumatizing relationship and I felt like I had to stay bc we both had the same thing. Flash forward again and here I am just casually dating then I met someone. We met through some friends, hung around each other a few times with our friends but nothing really sparked. About a month later, he randomly texts me and asks to hangout I agree. From that point on we were inseparable. Spending nights with out and not even wanting to go to sleep bc we felt like we’d miss something. I had all intentions and plans on telling him about my HSV2 bc I just had a feeling he’d be around for the long haul.. but unfortunately one night things got hot and heavy and we had sex (with a condom). The next day I felt so guilty.. I just couldn’t look at him anymore bc I took away his decision. So I just decided to buck up and tell him the truth. I waited until I went to work and texted him a paragraph explaining everything for the most part and told him I’d give him some space and he’d know where to find me, also asking if it could remain private bc I haven’t told the whole world. He responded with “are you serious, i’m not sure what to say” and I didn’t hear from him the rest of the night. I cried on my way home from work.. I felt like I should’ve just told him I wasn’t ready for anything serious and left it alone, it would’ve hurt a lot less.. I confided in some friends that night and they all reminded me how great I am and said if what you guys have is real he’ll be back don’t worry but I shrugged it off and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning to a text from him saying he thought about me all night and about how hard it must be, he asked me how we would move forward and if we could meet up and talk about it. He asked a lot of questions most people would ask and kept apologizing bc he said he didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable, little does he know i love him asking questions bc it means he cares enough to learn.. That was about 6 weeks ago. We decided to put sex on the back burner and just let it happen when it does (with condoms and me on suppressive medicine). We had sex for the first time last night and it was mind blowing. He sees me. He doesn’t see HSV2. He isn’t grossed out. He looked at me yesterday and said “ya know what, it’s really not that big of a deal” and I kinda chuckled and said yea it’s really not, you have a daughter (from a past relationship) and i have HSV2, we both have baggage and laughed about it. I’m just here to keep someone hopeful. Whether me and him work out or not he gave me confidence to try again if it ever didn’t. He set a standard for me to uphold. Do not ever feel like this is it for you & if you decide to disclose to someone and they don’t accept you please look at things from a different perspective. I feel like having HSV2 is a blessing in a very small way, it filters people out of your life who don’t see you for who you really are. Keep pushing and keep loving. There’s hope for everyone!!!!!

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Yes! So much yes to this! Beautiful that even when you couldn’t bring yourself to disclose that you doubled down on your integrity to tell him and make it right. Thank you so much for sharing your journey here. Big hugs!

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