Ashamed and Scared.. Advice?

[Confusedanddepressed]

I’m not sure if anyone will read this but I hope so. I just found out today that I have genital herpes. I’m not sure yet exactly which strand it is. I have a boyfriend. He just recently asked me to be his girlfriend and I love him a lot, we’ve been seeing eachother for quite a while. He’s a really great guy. And I’m afraid to tell him. I guess I just don’t know how. And I feel so full of shame and embarrassed. I haven’t told anyone. I feel really alone. I’m too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. I don’t know how long I’ve had it. I didn’t have some painful experience (thankfully) like others do. So I didn’t know. I figured it was a simple vaginal infection. Anyone have any advice on anything dealing with this virus? The doctor didn’t really talk to me about it. I just feel so low.

[mr_hopp]

Great job coming on these forums and opening up! That right there is a huuuge step. Asking for help is the first jump into the healing journey. Certainly a vulnerable power move. 😉 

And to your question about disclosing, there is so much on this site that will help you shift your mindset around it. Disclosing isn't a block to connection, but a doorway into deeper trust and intimacy. It sounds like you honestly didn't know and are taken by surprise by this. That is all part of the disclosure. Being authentic while being honest and forthright with your partner is an admirable quality. The shame and embarrassment will dissipate with time and attention to your healing process. Know that most of that comes from our cultural infatuation with shaming herpes when in reality it's a very common and pretty harmless skin condition. When you get that most of the shame is because of culturally inherited stigmatized beliefs, that's when you can take your power back and turn this into a positive in your life. An Opportunity, if you will. 😁

Start by watching/reading these posts here to start shifting you into the Opportunity mindset. I'm dropping a lot on you at once, so take them at your own pace, okay? You got this. 🙌

• First things first, download the free e-book & handouts on Opportunity Disclosure: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
• Watch the herpes facts overview video: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-facts
• Listen to the "Dear Men" interview: How do you to tell someone you have an STD? https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/how-do-you-to-tell-someone-you-have-an-std
• How to become stigma bulletproof video:
  https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-stigma-how-to-become-bulletproof
• Watch the video "Keeping your partner herpes-free can be super sexy": https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/keeping-your-partner-herpes-free-can-be-super-sexy
• Listen to the interview "Sexual shame & rewriting your narrative": https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/sexual-shame-rewriting-your-narrative
• Listen to another interview called "How to make herpes disclosure sexy?" https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/making-herpes-disclosure-sexy

[Confusedanddepressed]

Thank you so much for this! I got up the courage to disclose and it went better than expected! He was understanding & reassuring. I don’t feel as gross and I’m hopeful it’ll get better!