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When to disclose I have herpes.....

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So. I have been a member here (great site!) for awhile now and have gotten great information and inspiration. Now that I am settled into my 'new' life, I thought it would be interesting to tell this tale of a conversation I am currently having on a dating site. I contacted this fellow (too far away for me to date) because his opening line is "I am honest, I have herpes"....I suggested that maybe he would want to want to wait to tell someone this in person as it is personal, and you may not necessarily end up wanting a sexual relationship with the person you meet. He replied that I am with the majority and that scares him. We are why this spreads. That we operate under deception. I told him I was sorry he felt that way.That if I like who I meet in that way, I disclose quickly, with facts and let them know I want them to make an informed decision. To go and think about it. And that 90% walk away. I am much better with all this now. I don't believe in dishonesty. I do believe education needs to be stepped up. And, I am not too sure if I am feeling kind of sad for this guy......What do you think?

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There is a reason why we don't simply let everyone know all of the things we might have shame about even before the first date. I see it as taking care of yourself — waiting until you trust someone with your vulnerability before you share it. You wouldn't post your credit card information publicly on Facebook, right? Or walk up to a stranger at a bus stop and immediately begin discussing your divorce and the resulting child custody battle? I'm going to want to get to know someone first before entrusting them with personal information. I'm going to want to see if they're worthy of my vulnerability and trust. That's how I see it. There is no deception, simply taking care of our own vulnerability.


Here's a video/blog post I did a while back on when to have the herpes talk:


Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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Hi Adrial!

Disclosing is certainly something that I have found I do when comfortable to do so. At my age I am pretty sure soon in if I even want to 'go there' with the someone I have met. I am comfortable with when I disclose ( lots of learning about oneself first- with thanks in part to your awesome site) and how I do so. Most have walked, but 1 has chosen to stay and see where it goes- as any normal relationship. He just asked that I inform him if I am having an outbreak. Fair I say!!

Now you're probably wondering why I contacted said above subject - I just finally had to is all. It was bothering me how he felt about it................

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