Finding it difficult to move on. Help!

[Joe]

Hello I'm 19 yr old male and I have had H for around 3 months now. It's been a rocky road so far.. Depression, fear, shame, lots of tears! But slowly coming around and starting to feel better. I now find myself at this stage of moving on, Trying to create a life with H and put it behind me. Iv been reading the discussions and they are really helpful but I think all I have read are from women. Any advice? This is abit about my situation anyway.

 

It's come to the point now where I have been alone for 4 months. I came out of a 7 month relationship and ended up getting the H on a Ibiza (get over her) holiday... Great plan! Not!

 

I find it hard to start again.. I want so badly what I had before. I look at girls on nights out as pointless attempts. I know full well I can't take it any further without getting into a deep relationship but that's hard enough to find on its own. I know I can put her in my position with one mistake. I feel trapped by this. Iv had to turn down girls because I'm thinking long term and worse case scenario.. It's so frustrating having to think of excuses for why I won't sleep with her and lying about the last time I had sex so mates don't question me! Great example my brother was seeing a girl and she had a very attractive sister who was interested.. She wanted it but when I was asked why I wasn't making a move I slipped out "I can't"... That was a tricky one lol

 

Is there many younger girls that are mature enough to accept this? Probably not. If things go wrong after a relationship will she use it against me? If I tell her will I get a straight rejection? I know it's life.. But don't know how to cope with awkward, dangerous "moves". Feeling like I couldn't take the embarrassment after spending time with someone.

 

Iv looked at valtrex and that is expensive! Is that 1000mg a day or multiple? Does taking 5 aday have the same affect as 1 everyother? Is there cheaper options.. More effective options? What's your experiences? Cheers!

[mr_hopp]

Hey Joe!

 

Welcome to a fellow male! :) Even though the majority of discussions on these forums are from women, the situations are all similar. Fear of rejection and the power of a self-fulfilling prophecy work both ways, regardless of what gender you are.

 

Here's the deal: Do you see how you're assuming so much here? The assumptions can easily bring you into believing that it's all pointless and hopeless I you aren't careful about catching yourself in your assumptions first and getting clear on what's true and what's not. Yes, quite possibly younger women might no be as open and understanding. Having herpes might be used against you for blackmail and general manipulation. And a lot of other wonderfully horrible things could go wrong in relationship, too (regardless of herpes being involved). You could get in a car accident tomorrow. Someone close to you could die. There is a whole host of horrible things we could imagine that would convince us to not live our lives open hearted and fully. But what are you choosing to focus on here? Avoiding the worst case scenario also avoids the potential for the best case scenario to happen, too: Finding a partner who is great for you and you are great for her. Finding love and moving into being more and more emotionally vulnerable with someone takes courage, regardless of whether herpes is involved or not. And who's to say that getting to know any I these women means you're expected to sleep with them right off the bat? Maybe you will be that unique guy who is actually all about truly getting I know someone before you sleep with them. Trust me, bro. Sex is so much more connected, fun and HOT that way. I've gone through the one night stands and the shallow sex. Now that I've had the kind of sex that only comes with being emotionally vulnerable, there's no going back. This could be your chance to move into a deeper experience of what sex can be. I'm actually excited for you. Because I know what's possible. :) And it won't be easy. Change never is. But growth in this way is inevitable. And it's so, so worth it.