How can I lead a normal life?

[SailorSunshine]

I am in my 20s, have only had 1 sexual partner years ago and another boyfriend late last year who I kissed but didn’t have sex with. I just got a check up and they told me I have mouth herpes but it’s dormant and that I have a history of it. I didn’t realize herpes was incurable, I didn’t know I had it and I don’t know who exactly I got it from as I had not seen a doctor in years. My father who recently cheated on my mother (we just found out) also has a terrible habit of eating from our food/drinks and then not telling us and not finishing it so we won’t notice. It could’ve been him as well? I am afraid now to spread it, I won’t keep it from a future partner, I’ll obviously tell them about it so they can make their own choices but I feel like no one will want to be with me knowing I have it anyway. I am so sad and angry, I feel like all I can do now is cry. I am also not straight, I’ve dated mostly men but I feel like herpes will make it more complicated if I want to date a woman especially sexually. I am scared please help me. I just want to live normally. I know I won’t die from this but I feel like my life won’t be the same anymore. 

[Flowerteacher55]

Hello,

First, take a breath. All is well and you are safe. 

I am so sorry you are struggling with so much right now. Having this stress plus family stress is difficult. Remember that you are not defined by anything life throws at you, but instead how you respond to it all. 

Please know you are not a danger to yourself or others. You are not dirty or risky or bad. You are pure. You are good. You are safe. You are deserving of love and kindness and acceptance, not only from others, but from yourself. 

Oral herpes is something that about 2/3 of the world has, in the form of HSV-1. Many people do not even realize that cold sores are HSV. When I told my mother I have H, I explained to her she has it too, as she gets cold sores/fever blisters, and she was shocked. So many people don't even realize that accepted and common cold sores and HSV-1 are one in the same.  

Do you know if you have oral HSV-1 or HSV-2? If it's HSV-1, this means you can tell your partner about it, and educate them about how you won't preform oral sex if you have an outbreak/blister, or if you feel an outbreak occuring (tingling, burning, etc). If you have type 2, you can still tell your partner and explain how it's more likely to be transmitted, etc. 

How did you get diagnosed? Did they swab a sore? Did they take blood? 

Please know you're not a bad human! Remember, "cold sore" is non threatening, while "herpes" is. It's only this way because society deemed it that way, and society makes stuff up all the time!! Don't let societal stigmas get you down. The truth is that you are a blessing and you are amazing. Having such a common virus doesn't change that at all!! It's all okay, I promise. 

I'm praying for you!! Be kinder to yourself ☀️🦋!! 

Reach out if you need any support! 

Blessings,

grace

 

 

[SailorSunshine]

9 minutes ago, Flowerteacher55 said:

Hello,

First, take a breath. All is well and you are safe. 

I am so sorry you are struggling with so much right now. Having this stress plus family stress is difficult. Remember that you are not defined by anything life throws at you, but instead how you respond to it all. 

Please know you are not a danger to yourself or others. You are not dirty or risky or bad. You are pure. You are good. You are safe. You are deserving of love and kindness and acceptance, not only from others, but from yourself. 

Oral herpes is something that about 2/3 of the world has, in the form of HSV-1. Many people do not even realize that cold sores are HSV. When I told my mother I have H, I explained to her she has it too, as she gets cold sores/fever blisters, and she was shocked. So many people don't even realize that accepted and common cold sores and HSV-1 are one in the same.  

Do you know if you have oral HSV-1 or HSV-2? If it's HSV-1, this means you can tell your partner about it, and educate them about how you won't preform oral sex if you have an outbreak/blister, or if you feel an outbreak occuring (tingling, burning, etc). If you have type 2, you can still tell your partner and explain how it's more likely to be transmitted, etc. 

How did you get diagnosed? Did they swab a sore? Did they take blood? 

Please know you're not a bad human! Remember, "cold sore" is non threatening, while "herpes" is. It's only this way because society deemed it that way, and society makes stuff up all the time!! Don't let societal stigmas get you down. The truth is that you are a blessing and you are amazing. Having such a common virus doesn't change that at all!! It's all okay, I promise. 

I'm praying for you!! Be kinder to yourself ☀️🦋!! 

Reach out if you need any support! 

Blessings,

grace

 

 

Thank you for saying such kind words. I appreciate them so much right now. 
 

it was a blood test. 

They didn’t tell me what type it was. They just told me I have it and that apparently I have a history of it. I had never tested positive before though. It was an appointment through call so they weren’t thorough. They just said it wasn’t a big deal that whenever I got a sore that I could put over the counter ointment and that’s it. 

I’m very confused about the whole thing

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi,

Okay. So you have gotten cold sores before, and they just told you to put ointment on it? That's so odd that they didn't tell you that then!

I would call them and ask about the strain of HSV it is. They really should have been better at communicating this to you! I am so sorry about that! You deserve better!

The medical community is not doing as great as a job as they could be when it comes to educating people about HSV. In recent decades, HSV-1 (usually seen in the oral area) has been infecting the genital regions of folks, because in recent decades oral sex has become so much more common. So, while having oral HSV-1 is super common, people are not being told that if they have a cold sore, they can pass it to their partner's genitals if they preform oral intercourse on their partner. Also, they can pass it via kissing as well. 

Earlier you explained you weren't sure how you got it, and honestly so many people do not know how they contracted H, especially oral HSV-1. Children can get it from their parents if their parents give them a kiss while they have a cold sore. Other times, it could be from kissing someone else. You can pass oral H without being super sexual with someone; a kiss can pass it, too! 

However, this doesn't mean every partner you will have is at constant risk for contracting H. Just monitor your symptoms, and if you feel like you're about to get a cold sore, or maybe you have the flu and you know that is when a cold sore always appears, just avoiding kissing your partner or preforming oral to them. It's that simple! 🙂 Also, H doesn't pass through speaking to someone or through droplets in the air. It's passed from skin-to-skin contact with the area that is shedding the virus actively (prodrome symptoms (tingling, itching, burning, redness, presentation of a small bump, etc) or showing a sore. 

Rest assured, you are safe. You are not dangerous and this will not ruin your dating life. Remember that the fear and confusion and shame is all from stigmas, not from facts. The fact is you are wonderful and it will all be okay.

Stay strong! Meanwhile, you can call your doctor and ask them to verify the type of H it is. 

 

[SailorSunshine]

47 minutes ago, Flowerteacher55 said:

Hi,

Okay. So you have gotten cold sores before, and they just told you to put ointment on it? That's so odd that they didn't tell you that then!

I would call them and ask about the strain of HSV it is. They really should have been better at communicating this to you! I am so sorry about that! You deserve better!

The medical community is not doing as great as a job as they could be when it comes to educating people about HSV. In recent decades, HSV-1 (usually seen in the oral area) has been infecting the genital regions of folks, because in recent decades oral sex has become so much more common. So, while having oral HSV-1 is super common, people are not being told that if they have a cold sore, they can pass it to their partner's genitals if they preform oral intercourse on their partner. Also, they can pass it via kissing as well. 

Earlier you explained you weren't sure how you got it, and honestly so many people do not know how they contracted H, especially oral HSV-1. Children can get it from their parents if their parents give them a kiss while they have a cold sore. Other times, it could be from kissing someone else. You can pass oral H without being super sexual with someone; a kiss can pass it, too! 

However, this doesn't mean every partner you will have is at constant risk for contracting H. Just monitor your symptoms, and if you feel like you're about to get a cold sore, or maybe you have the flu and you know that is when a cold sore always appears, just avoiding kissing your partner or preforming oral to them. It's that simple! 🙂 Also, H doesn't pass through speaking to someone or through droplets in the air. It's passed from skin-to-skin contact with the area that is shedding the virus actively (prodrome symptoms (tingling, itching, burning, redness, presentation of a small bump, etc) or showing a sore. 

Rest assured, you are safe. You are not dangerous and this will not ruin your dating life. Remember that the fear and confusion and shame is all from stigmas, not from facts. The fact is you are wonderful and it will all be okay.

Stay strong! Meanwhile, you can call your doctor and ask them to verify the type of H it is. 

 

I’ll give them a call tomorrow since they’re closed today. Hopefully they can clear some stuff up for me. 

Thank you so much for all the information you’ve given me also! I didn’t know anything about this. I thought I knew the basics of it but I now realize I didn’t.

I feel a little calmer and a little less scared now so thank you so much!

[Flowerteacher55]

Sounds great. I am happy you feel happier now!

Stay calm and stay kind! ☀️

[livingbeyond]

There's so much confusion around hsv. I'm thankful for this forum because real facts are being disseminated. I had one person tell me one time he felt concerned kissing me every time we kissed bc I had disclosed to him at the beginning of our relationship. He never mentioned it as an issue until we were having a disagreement. The truth is I have GHSV1 and have never had any form of HSV orally and made sure to explain this clearly in the beginning. He actually had cold sores all his life. When I explained to him what he had and his confusion around what I have, he was awestruck. I guess it is in these types of encounters where the education occurs. @SailorSunshine I'm glad you had a place to come to for support and solid information. 

[Flowerteacher55]

@livingbeyond Hi! 

Thank you for sharing that experience with everyone. I understand what you mean about people thinking HSV is blood-bourne (transmitted via blood or breast milk or fluids), when in reality it is spread via skin-to-skin contact with the infected area(s)! 110% I agree that education occurs when we bust myths, spread the truth, and focus on the facts. We ALL can be change-makers and heklp break the stigma of H! 🙂

Blessings!

[SailorSunshine]

@Flowerteacher55 sorry I know it’s been a while, I have been dealing with this in not such healthy ways if I’m honest. I had a question though because I have not been receiving help from my doctors. I was told my problem was only cold sores but in these last few days I’ve been noticing cuts, redness and feeling itchy in my genital area. The person I believe passed it on to me didn’t put their mouth there ever though. Is it possible for it to just appear in my private parts even tho they passed it to my mouth? Or if they touched me there with their hands could it also have passed there that way? I’m really stressed and confused right now. Hope you are well!

[Flowerteacher55]

@SailorSunshine Hello! 

No worries at all! I am so sorry you've been struggling. You deserve kindness and to let out your stress in health positive ways. Sometimes we engage in self-destructive behaviors because we feel like we don't deserve goodness and we need to be punished, but please please engage in behaviors that build you up, not tear you down ☀️🌻🕊️!

In regards to your question, it is possible your partner passed it you down there through touching or saliva (if he licked or spit on his hand and then touched you).

It is not really possible that your H is showing up down there when you have it orally. The only time that can hypothetically occur is if someone has an autoimmune illness and their body cannot contain the virus to the site of original infection.

The symptoms you are describing could be thrush, a yeast infection of sorts, or another type of vaginal infection. Have you had any other symptoms like tingling or burning or itching down there? Have you been tested for a UTI or yeast infection, and/or have you been examined by a doctor or OBGYN? 

Stay calm and stay strong. You are a warrior! ❤️🌻

We are here for you. Reach out if you need any support! 

Sending blessings and prayers of happiness and health your way! 🦋☀️

 

[SailorSunshine]

@Flowerteacher55 I was tested that same time for all of that and told everything was fine down there but even tho I was positive for this virus it was dormant so it wasn’t manifesting anywhere. It does burn and itch down there to be honest and it looks like there’s a little cut that I don’t remember making. This has happened to me before usually when it’s my time of the month so I hadn’t thought much about it, I just thought it was normal to have an uncomfortable period. Now I’m scared. Could low vitamin d also prevent the virus from staying in one place? Thanks for your help!

[Flowerteacher55]

Hi! 

Oh okay, sorry about that! So you have HSV-1 but it hadn't shown symptoms so you were unsure of the location. It is possible you have it in both places, however you mention that you get this around your period. I actually have this weird thing where as my period ends I get itchy and red in my inner labia and it's so weird. I think it might be from the pH change from the menstrual blood and just having to wear a pad. Also, I feel a lot drier down there during my period which causes irritation, too. 

Also, inflammation from hormones can cause itching and swelling in the vaginal area as well. I'm unsure if a period alone would cause the cut-like mark you described. 

Have you noticed the cut oozing anything? Has it gotten worse, or does it stay the same and eventually heal? Herpes can present as cuts (versus the classic sores) and HSV can be triggered by hormones around menstruation. You could get the cut swabbed, especially if it's been 48 hours or less since you've noticed it. You still can get it swabbed after 48 hours of noticing it, but the test results are more likely to produce a false negative. 

I hope this helps! 🦋☀️🌻

[SailorSunshine]

@Flowerteacher55 thank you so much for your help through all my questions!
 

The only thing that was on the cut was a little bit of blood but it wasn’t even runny it was almost like stamped over it and the cut was very thin almost like a paper cut.

I wasn’t able to get it swabbed this weekend unfortunately because every place is closed down for Easter but it seems to have healed. Now it’s just itchy and burns but no cut and almost no redness. It is still uncomfortable. I might have to wait till the next time it shows up to get it checked.  

[livingbeyond]

On 3/9/2022 at 6:17 AM, Flowerteacher55 said:

@livingbeyond Hi! 

Thank you for sharing that experience with everyone. I understand what you mean about people thinking HSV is blood-bourne (transmitted via blood or breast milk or fluids), when in reality it is spread via skin-to-skin contact with the infected area(s)! 110% I agree that education occurs when we bust myths, spread the truth, and focus on the facts. We ALL can be change-makers and heklp break the stigma of H! 🙂

Blessings!

Hi @Flowerteacher55,

Sorry I'm so late to respond. I actually wasn't meaning confusion around HSV being blood bourne. I was talking about the misconception that if you have it genitally you MUST ALSO have it orally. He, in reality, had it orally and could remember having cold sores since childhood but was never informed about them. I just wanted to clarify. There can be fear from people due to their lack of understanding/listening even if the time is taken to be clear. It's important to know the facts ourselves so we can be empowered by real information. This platform helps with that. 😊