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End of a relationship...


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I had been in a relationship with my then girlfriend for over two years and we recently went through a rough patch. Basically she betrayed my trust by crossing the line with someone else and our relationship ended. I told her from the start I had herpes and a few months into our relationship she contracted it too. But ever since it's been over I've had overwhelming feelings of loneliness and guilt knowing she now has it for the rest of her life. What she did wasn't a full betrayal and I know a lot of people can get over it but I generally don't think I can, I'm the sort of person who will let it eat away at me. The guilt also comes from the fact earlier on in our relationship I wasn't fully sure if she was the one for me but I didn't end it there and prevent her catching it from me. 

There's a big part of me that wants to give it another shot but I'm not sure if that's the herpes talking and the fear of being alone. We still talk and she wants us to get back together but I feel like if I do then it may never be the same. 

Has anyone been in a similar situation or can offer some advice? My head has been pretty scrambled these past few weeks 

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Hi! 

I am so sorry that you are struggling with this. Please know you can let go of you guilt and sadness. You can forgive yourself and the situation and your ex. Resentment and guilt only hold you down, and you can let go of these. You deserve happiness 🌱🌻

I'm sorry your ex was unfaithful. In many relationships, people are unfaithful. Often times a key question that must be asked (that isn't often asked), is "why?". Of course, the reasons do not justify the behavior, however it can open a dialogue and help establish closure, and then, if you and the other person choose, a new relationship can be formed. Also, asking why she wants to get back together is essential, too. 

Remember, you have to address the weeds in the garden before you plant new flowers; otherwise the weeds (resentment, past hurts, etc) will choke out the flowers you're trying to grow (your new relationship). 

Also, it is essential to ask yourself "why" as well: why do you want to get back together with her? Will it release you from the guilt, or do you actually love her and see yourself with her as healthy and wonderful and all that love should be? Is it out of obligation for giving her H (which isn't your fault, you were honest about it and she knew risks)?. Also, you may feel so guilty because you weren't as invested in the relationship at one point but continued anyways, and perhaps you feel like maybe you wouldn't have given her H if you would've ended things right then and there. However, that's honestly normal to maybe not feel 100% confident in a relationship but continue it anyways. Sometimes we feel like our relationships aren't going anywhere but we stay in them because we hope they will become something more, or we want to work on the relationship and improve it, or we don't want to be lonely. However, it is respectful to ourselves and the other person to be honest about things. Should you have ended it then and there? Perhaps. But you didn't, and what happened has happened, and I'm sure it happened for a reason. Honestly, you could sit and talk with her about all of this; it may be uncomfortable and confusing but it'll help your friendship and/or relationship grow and heal, which is beneficial to you both.

Let go of your guilt and shame and sadness and you'll be able to think more clearly ☀️.

Honestly is essential. You being honest to yourself, her being honest with herself, and the two of you being honest with each other all matters. You both feel bad about something; unfaithfulness and passing H, and maybe talking about it would help 💛

Reach out if you need any support! Sending blessings and prayers your way 🌻

Blessings,

grace

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Thank you Grace, that’s a very informative response and I really appreciate being able to open up to someone about it… even if they are a stranger on the internet 😂

I will have to have a think about things going forwards and what is best for the both of us. 
 

All the best 😅

 

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