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Herpes type 1 genital scared to tell partner


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Hi everyone. I am a 25 year old female. I contracted genital herpes type 1  five years ago when I lost my virginity from receiving oral sex. I am currently seeing someone right now and I really like him and I am so scared to tell him that I have herpes. I have not had an outbreak since my initial outbreak 5 years ago. I am just so nervous of being rejected because I really do like this person and I do see us developing into a relationship but I am scared this is going to turn into him rejecting me. I have been rejected once before because I disclosed my herpes status and it definitely did hurt. I know that type 1 genitally is very common and I have read that the transmission rates are very low because it does not like to thrive in the genital region. If anyone can give me any inspiration I would appreciate it. thank you 

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Hi!

I hope you are well. Thank you for sharing your story with us; many folks can totally relate. 

Please know and believe that you are enough. You are pure. You are a blessing. Having H does not change those truths! 

Contracting H was not your fault. You have no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed or guilty. You are a wonderful human with a common virus. You are not defined by H at all! 

I am so happy for you and it's great that you met someone you really like. Disclosing can be so so scary, especially if you've had someone be closed-minded before. However, remember that the way people treat you is a reflection of THEM, not of you. You are wonderful! If someone reacts in a closed-minded or ignorant way, that's on them, and it's their loss. You wouldn't want to be with someone like that anyways! You deserve someone who is kind and loving to you and loves you just as you are 🌻❤️. Don't settle for less than you deserve! 

I recommend that you find a good time to tell him when he isn't already stressed about something (work, school, etc). Sometimes when we tell someone something they react in a way they normally wouldn't because they are under stress. So, you can arrange for a time to talk or ask them before you disclose and say, "is now a good time to talk?". Or, ask them how their day was before you tell them to see if they had a bad day or a good day. 

When you disclose, it's great to preface with, "I really care about you and I see this relationship moving forward, and I trust you, so I am going to tell you something and I need you to just listen." This way, you can speak freely without interruption and it gives them time to think and formulate a response that is thoughtful. Also, don't feel obligated to share anything you don't want to. You don't need to talk about your ex or any details that are not essential (such as having GHSV-1).

Then, when you're done, you can ask them if they have any questions. If you are uncomfortable with a question or you don't know an answer, be honest and let them know. You can provide them with resources to engage in scientific research (versus random rabbit-hole googling!) as well, such as the fact sheets on this website, which I can provide the links to if you would like them. 

Remember, you do NOT need to apologize. You have no reason to say "Sorry, but I have H," because you have no reason to be sorry or ashamed. Hold your head high, and be kind to yourself. You can do this, and we are here to help you!! ☀️🌈

Reach out if you need help or support, or want to script what you want to say. 

Sending blessings and prayers to you!! ☀️🌻🌈

grace

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