First date

[newtothis22]

I recently went on a first date with a girl I met out a couple of weeks ago. I’ve not had a proper “date” since I was diagnosed a few years ago so it made me very anxious. We went out for drinks and had a really fun night, ending up in a club and had a kiss. But she made one comment that really got to me, it was along the lines of “you don’t want to catch herpes” when I left my drink unattended as if that was the worst case scenario. 
 

I know it was only meant as a joke but it gave me that sinking feeling and brought me back to reality where I started doubting she would like me if she knew. It even made me feel guilty for kissing her despite my HSV-1 being genital. Later that night I was worried I had a spot near my lip and it just really freaked me out. 
 

Of course nothing happened beyond this except spending the night together fully clothed but I don’t know if or when I should tell her. My situation is bad because not only do I have herpes but I have HPV and also my ex-girlfriend caught herpes from me which makes the 1% chance seem a lot higher. 
 

I’m sure things will get easier but right now it’s putting me off dating ☹️

[Jessica88]

@newtothis22

I know what you’re feeling! But you are not required to disclose anything until you think you’re ready to engage physically. You cannot pass genital HSV through kissing, nor HPV, but I know that doesn’t change your anxiety around it. Just know you’re not alone! I recently received a pos genital HSV-2, and I’ve been on two first dates. I’m a lot more cautious about my dates, and I see everything with a new perspective. Both dates, the men wanted to proceed to “going back to their place” and it made me realize how quick people are to “trust” and assume the physical attraction is mutual. And honestly it makes me feel a little sick, and was a huge turn off as a female. Especially as HSV-pos. So I’m sure she already respects you even more for not pressuring her into something physical (not that you would, or she would but it happens all too often these days). I think by taking your time, getting to know this person more, will only build the understanding between the two of you. And maybe when you’re ready to have that talk, share the facts with her, and let her know that her comment was a little insensitive, but that you knew it wasn’t from a place of malice. Education is key 🤗 if she doesn’t want to proceed with dating after that, then it just simply wasn’t meant to be, but it could be for loads of different reasons outside of your STIs. Dont let your worries keep you from finding that someone special! Easier said than done, I know. Sending you hugs!