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I met a girl 47 I am 49 who I disclosed that I have herpes , we dated for 3 months and everything was going well, even had unprotected sex her choice , anyway all of I sudden I received this 

I don't want you to
come to school
tomorrow. I have some
symptoms and have
made a doctors
appointment straight
after school to get
tested. I am so
incredibly angry at
myself for putting
myself in this position. I
am not angry with you
because you were
honest about your test
results. I just made the
wrong decision about
continuing the
relationship,

Regardless of the test
results I get today, I can
no longer be your
girlfriend. I am not
angry with you but with
myself for putting us
both in this situation
which at the back of my
mind. I knew was
inevitable. I am very sad
about us of course and
horrified by the
prospect of a positive
result.I
think we must chat
about this properly
when I am not so upset.
At the moment I am
angry so I might not be
kind.
 

I sent her a message seeing what the result was but for no response

i know she is a angry and probably resents me 

 

just looking for opinions I guess 

 

thanks 

 

  • Sad 1
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Hello!

Please know that this isn't your fault. You did everything right and were honest in disclosing. Please know this isn't your fault and you aren't a bad human ❤️

The way people treat us is a reflection of THEM. 

From my perspective: I am a 23 year old female. I think in isolation (if we are just looking at this): it was great of her to be open about everything and address the fact that she needs time to cool off before speaking to you because she "might not be kind."

Taken OUT of isolation with the entire situation... THE IRONY of this is just bananas.  If that's what she thought, then why did she send a "not kind" text like that? Actions speak louder than words. When someone says they don't want to hurt your feelings, but then goes ahead and sends a very confusing and emotional break-up text to someone they've been dating three months, it honestly is not respectful and is hurtful and exemplifies their true feelings and behavior. It seems she is angry at herself, and she is displacing this anger to you. If she is angry at herself, she needs to handle that herself. She seems to be resentful and angry at herself (and perhaps at you but she may feel bad about being angry at you, so she then is more angry at herself, and it spirals) and is taking it out on you. Regardless, it's just not okay! 

I am so sorry you had this experience. Whether she intended to make you feel guilty or sad or confused or not, she definitely did not handle this in a mature way that was considerate of your feelings. A relationship involves caring about the feelings of another, through thick or thin, and in a sensitive situation like this, she really could have been more gentle and not so aggressive. A better alternative would have been to examine her symptoms, contact either her doctor or you and explain the symptoms and ask if this is most likely HSV, get tested, and grieve or process the results in a mature and appropriate way that did not confuse or offend you. Then, if she chose to end the relationship, she could have called, or seen you in person (the best route). 

If anything, situations like this show us a lot about others; how they handle stress, how they handle emotions, how they communicate, etc. If she ignores your text and still hasn't answered, you could call her or send her a message saying your sorry the relationship ended this way and you wish her the best, and if you need to, you can include that, although she was upset, her message was not considerate of your feelings, or whatever you felt/feel. You deserve someone emotionally-mature and kind.

Please know you are not alone, and this situation has sadly happened to so many people. However, it helps sort through the bag of trail mix, picking out the cruddy raisins and rotten almonds (people who aren't our soul mates), and finding the amazing chocolate chip at the bottom of the bag (our soul mate!).  

I hope this helps. Please reach out to vent or if you have any other questions or thoughts. Be kind to yourself and shake off the negative energy. You deserve to be happy and well and be with those who build you up, not tear you down. 

Sending blessings and prayers of happiness to you! 🙂 

grace

 

  • Thanks 1
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Hi

I have been in a very similar position I’m afraid and I know how distressing and upsetting it is. I had disclosed to my partner and we had been together 9 months - I was on medication and we used condoms. Long story short he got something, panicked, finished everything and ran away. When he eventually got tested months later, it turned out it was thrush. Negative for HSV2.  
He had been angry with me, incredibly cold, hurtful, disgusted, sad etc 
It was a really difficult time - so tough that I went to therapy as I couldn’t cope with the thought I had passed it on and he had treated me how he did - having known for 9 months. 
In our situation we ended up getting back together and are together now - though I constantly worry about passing it on and how he will react or feel if he gets it. 
At the end of the day you did the right thing. You disclosed your status and SHE made the choice to be with you. She is a grown woman and this isn’t your fault. You didn’t knowingly pass it on and she may not even have it. 
We all need to remind ourselves that this doesn’t define who we are and we are entitled to love. We didn’t ask to have this and we have done nothing wrong. It is a common skin condition with massive amounts of stigma that we all live with. 
Don’t beat yourself up - you were honest. Time provides clarity - for both of you so take time and space. 
im sorry you are going through this now. It’s unfair but speaks more about them than it does about you. 

  • Like 2
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thanks for the responses, i just hoped she shared the results with me, in the understanding that i would be stressing and worrying for her wellbeing,,it has been 2 weeks now and still havent heard from her. if the results are negative then great,  i can understand her not wanting to be with me to go through this again.and if positive i hope she knows she can always count on me for support if she wanted. 

  • Like 1
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