Trying to move forward again.

[meMovingForward]

Long story short, I am in my mid 50's, have been a stay at home wife for 26 years, and my husband has cheated on me on numerous occassions during our marriage. During this time, he has given me genital herpes (among other std's). I stayed with my husband for financial and family reasons. I made the choice that I thought was best for me at the times, so please don't judge me too harshly. Five years ago, I found out he gave me herpes. He has admitted that this was his fault but that doesn't matter to me right now. This is about my inability to move forward through the depression, the added health problems of the breakouts, and the basic fears of what's to come next. When I found out, I spent a week crying (in private), not sleeping, and being terrified to have sex with him again. On the rare occassion that we do have sex, I make him wear a condom and take precautions to not get anything else from him. I haven't done much since then. I did manage to go back to school and get my Associate's degree because I knew that I might need it one day. I've just begun to look for a job but my age and lack of continuous work history are real obstacles. I still can't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time, I'm depressed, too broke to see a professional, isolated out in the countryside (so no friends that I can talk to about this) and this week I had a really painful outbreak that has left me feeling hopeless that this will ever get any better. I'm not suicidal but I am lost and don't know what to do to get back to my normal self but I know I have to do something to try. Any ideas or thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks.

[mr_hopp]

I want to start by sending you a BIG virtual hug and letting you know that you are not alone in this journey. Your courage to share your story is commendable, and I truly admire your strength to keep moving forward despite the challenges you've faced. Please know that we're here to offer support, understanding, and a listening ear. (And yes, a complete lack of judgment! Just the opposite, actually. More like admiration and care.)

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge the pain and betrayal you've experienced due to your husband's actions. It's tough to navigate such difficult circumstances, and your feelings of anger and hurt are fully valid and understandable. I can't imagine being in such a long-term relationship and being treated like you have been. I'm so, so sorry ... You don't deserve to be treated like that by anyone, especially the man who is supposed to care for you and nurture your heart. 

The impact of genital herpes on both physical and emotional well-being can be overwhelming. I understand your fear, depression, and the added health problems caused by the outbreaks. It's completely understandable that you feel hesitant and take precautions when it comes to intimate moments with your husband. I imagine you feeling trapped in this situation. And through it all, your focus on protecting yourself is important — you have the absolute right to set boundaries that make you feel safe and comfortable.

I'm proud of you for taking the initiative to pursue your education and getting your Associate's degree. It's a significant accomplishment. It shows your resilience and determination. While job searching may bring its own set of challenges, remember that your worth and skills extend far beyond your work history! Your life experience and the knowledge gained from your degree can be valuable assets as you embark on this new chapter. Stay positive, remain persistent, and explore opportunities that align with your interests and strengths.

Feeling isolated can intensify the emotional burden you carry. Even though you are physically distant from friends, please consider reaching out to online support groups or forums where you can connect with individuals who have similar experiences. (Which you're doing right now in this very post! Check!) 😉 Sharing your thoughts, fears, and triumphs with others who can relate may provide a sense of belonging and understanding.

The painful outbreak you recently experienced can undoubtedly be disheartening, but please remember that flare-ups do not define you. There are treatments and coping strategies available to manage the symptoms and promote healing. I encourage you to explore options such as seeking medical advice, even if finances pose a challenge. Some healthcare providers offer sliding-scale fees or free services, and community resources may be available to help out.

Recovering from such challenging circumstances takes time, patience, and self-compassion. While there may be no quick fix, taking small steps towards self-care and self-discovery can make a significant difference. In your day-to-day, weave in activities that bring you joy, practicing relaxation techniques, and nurturing your physical and emotional well-being. Remember, you are deserving of love, happiness, and a bright future.

We are here to support you every step of the way. Feel free to share your thoughts, ask questions, or simply vent whenever you need to. Together, we can navigate this journey and find hope, strength, and healing. 

Thank you for your courage in showing up and speaking out. It's inspiring. 

[meMovingForward]

Thank you very much! I needed that. To just have someone acknowledge my distress means so much to me. Thank you again. I am making an effort to continue going forward to get to a point where I can make a new life for myself. I have a long way to go but I am making the effort. It's been a long time in this situation and it's going to take baby steps to get through it. After finding this site and reaching out in the forum, I did make a call to see about some mental health counseling and am awaiting a return call. Thank you again so much.

[mr_hopp]

Absolutely! Go you. 🙂 I'm so glad to hear you're taking real, courageous steps to move forward in your life. (And it's in your screen name to boot!) 

[meMovingForward]

Just wanted to give a short update since last time. I have had two therapy sessions since finding this group. They are helping but I want you to know that I may not have gone to therapy if I hadn't found this group and realized that I was NOT alone in this. This forum IS important in ways people may never realize. I'm now on medication for depression and it's helping a lot. I'm getting motivated to do things I once couldn't find the energy to do. Because my therapist wanted me to see a physician for the anti-depressants, I also found out that I am deficient in vitamin B and that my thyroid wasn't working properly. I am now on thyroid medication and taking a multivitamin daily. I'm not sure which thing is making me feel better and I really don't care which one it is because the important thing is that I AM feeling better. I'm still looking for work in my chosen profession but now I have hope that the right position will come along and I am preparing for when that time comes along. I don't want to make this too long but just wanted everyone to know that things can and will get better if we just keep trying. Although this is a terrible thing to have happen, it's not the end of the world. I might not have realized that without reading the stories of others in the same situation and I might not have sought the help I so desperately needed. Thank you for that. I feel like this forum is helping me to move forward and make some positive changes towards the life I want to have and deserve to have.

Thank you,

meMovingForward (one baby step at a time)

[mr_hopp]

Thanks for the update and congratulations on having the courage and grit to get help and be helped and help yourself. I’m oh-so glad to hear you’re Moving Forward! (I’m now convinced that the screen name you choose comes true in real life.) 🤭

[meMovingForward]

Thank you so much for being so supportive of all the people on this forum. I know you may not realize just how much that means but I am convinced that without that support, I wouldn't be moving forward. I would still be stagnating in the grief. What you do here is very important to everyone and I want to say a HUGE "Thank you" to you for your acknowledgment, unconditional support and positive encouragement. Thank you so much.

[mr_hopp]

Thank you for your beautiful words! I feel it! It's fulfilling to me to see people like you changing their lives for the better. Honored to be even a small part of your healing process. 🙂