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Oral sex while having a herpes outbreak?

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Hey there I’m new here and am hoping to get some information/suggestions I haven’t been able to find around the web. I’m male and have had hsv1+2 since July of 2018. I’ve only had outbreaks on my genitals first one was on pubic area at base of shaft and the rest have been right where my head and shaft meet. 
So my partner and I are sexually active although she does not have any stds. We both get tested annually atleast once. We practice safe sex regularly(condoms, dams, gloves) only having unprotected on rare/special occasions. I had an outbreak about a week ago it was unfortunate timing because this past weekend we had plans to have a lot of sexual fun and exploration. Because of the situation I gave her oral both with fingers or mouth pending on the situation using a dental dam. One of the times I fingered her I came from a little dry humping I had underwear and pants on. I’m just curious if we should be worried because in the heat of the moment she put her hand on my pants to feel me cum. She washed her hands about 10 minutes after. 
My other questions would be while on an outbreak since I have the virus is it safe to give her oral since I have never had an outbreak on my mouth or does it matter? 
I am also wondering if she can eat my butt while I’m on an outbreak. That was one thing she wanted to do this weekend but we put that on hold until we had some more info. I have never had an outbreak there and have never had anything around my butt since getting herpes.


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First off, it sounds like you and your partner are being really responsible about sexual health, which is fantastic. Regular testing and practicing safe sex are key. Now, about the recent outbreak and the sexual activities you had around that time:

  • When you had the outbreak, it's generally a good idea to avoid direct skin-to-skin contact with the affected area. Using protection like dental dams is a smart move. However, even with that, it's important to be cautious. The situation you described with the dry humping and her touching you afterward might carry a small risk, especially if there was any direct contact with the outbreak area, but it would involve virus from your outbreak somehow making its way into a small cut/opening in her hand. Good news is the virus doesn't prefer to be on the hands, hence why the vast majority of outbreaks are mouth/genitals.
  • As for giving her oral during an outbreak, you should be fine on that front. Genital herpes and oral herpes are in two different systems in the body. When you have genital herpes, the virus hangs out at the base of your spine until it wakes up to travel through your nerves to the surface of your skin. And if you have oral herpes (which it sounds like you haven't ever had cold sores or oral outbreaks?) then the virus stays at the top of your spine until it wakes up to travel to the surface of your skin to cause an oral outbreak. So if you're just having a genital outbreak, it doesn't necessarily mean that you'll also have an oral outbreak. Now, even if you've never had an oral outbreak that you're aware of, you can still be silently shedding 9-18% of the days of the year, so you could transmit oral herpes asymptomatically, but that risk isn't influenced up or down with whether you're having a genital outbreak or not. 
  • Now, about her wanting to eat your butt while you're on an outbreak: Communication is key here. If you've never had outbreaks in that area and have no symptoms at the moment, the risk might be lower. However, it's important for both of you to discuss your comfort levels and make informed decisions together. Herpes transmission can occur even from areas that aren't showing symptoms, albeit it's less common. My only hesitation with that is even if you haven't had outbreaks in that area specifically, if the outbreak is so close to that area, there may be more virus being silently shed in surrounding areas during an outbreak, which might increase the risk.

Remember, each situation is unique, and it's great that you're being proactive and seeking information. Stay informed, keep those conversations flowing, and take care of yourselves. Wishing you both a healthy and happy journey ahead!

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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  • mr_hopp changed the title to Oral sex while having a herpes outbreak?

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