Post encounter disclosure?

[laketodo]

Hey all — 

 

I am ghsv2 ohsv1, have had ohsv1 for my entire life (like most of the world!) Want to disclose ghsv2 to a new guy tonight, but I actually wound up heat of the moment giving oral to him last week. 

 

I probably should have said something then, but I literally never get cold sores and the odds are so low, and i honestly was having so much fun it wasn’t even on my mind. 

 

I feel so awkward and bad. Please don’t judge me! Im not sure how to thread the needle here. I am really hoping he doesn’t feel freaked out. Can anyone relate/does anyone have advice?

[mr_hopp]

Hey there,

No judgment here – life is full of unpredictable moments. It's understandable that in the heat of the moment, some things slip our minds. First off, give yourself a break; we're all human. And in your awkward and bad feelings lies an important lesson about your integrity. On some level, you didn't just forget; denial can be a tricky thing, and it can have us putting off important conversations. And when we put off important conversations, they become more difficult to have. 

When it comes to disclosure, honesty is key. Since you're planning to talk to him soon, just be open about it. Let him know that you should have mentioned it earlier but got caught up in the moment. Explain that you've had ohsv1 your whole life, and while the odds of transmission are low, you believe in transparency.

Chances are, he'll appreciate your honesty and understanding of the situation. People generally respond well when they see that you're approaching it responsibly.

So, take a deep breath, and remember – awkward moments can lead to great conversations. Best of luck, and I hope it all goes smoothly for you!

Stay real ...

[laketodo]

update - I did say something before things went there this time and he didn’t handle it as well as I would hope. He was very uneducated on what I was talking about — cold sores were unfamiliar to him. I definitely sense a change over into his attitude towards me. And  I didn’t even get to the part about GHSV2 because of how poorly he responded to the OHSV1 info, and I honestly got a little scared — i had driven to his house and was worried he might kick me out or something. 

That said: I’m proud of myself for doing the hard thing. And living in alignment to my values of honesty and bravery. I think I learned a valuable lesson that I simply cannot move past first base without sharing my dating goals and what my status is — it creates too much anxiety for me.