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Please don't judge-i'm very confused

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Hello ...so I'm in a bit of a crazy time in my life.  Recently divorced after 10 years and well, let's just say I've been having a bit too much fun. I'm in my 30s and feel very confident in my body, well that was up until this week when I got the news. Little background here...

Guy1 I have been sleeping with since February. See him every 4-6weeks 

Guy2  I've been sleeping with here and there July, Aug, Sept. 

Guy3 I met in August and slept with 3 times in August.  Last time being aug25 then he ghosted. I ran into him in public 2 weeks later and he acted really weird towards me, like I was a stranger.

Now please don't judge 🙈 I slept with Guy1 Sept 8th and Guy2 Sept 9th...

Wednesday Sept 13th I had a gyno appointment for complete testing.  (Had it scheduled since early August) just because I know I haven't been safe and I was really wanting to make some life changes and make sure I was ok and end all this meaningless sex. THURSDAY Sept 14th the next day after I get tested (swab, blood work) I noticed a small red irritation on my vagina that wasn't there before and never seen. So I went in next day for an exam. Sure enough, my gyno said...oh honey I think it might be _____....  & that moment I'll never forget. All weekend I thought well doctors can still be wrong, its just a visual. We'll see what the actual swab is going to say. Even though I was still freaking out. She did a swab on the spot and blood work. Tuesday this week I got the news that I am positive for hsv2. Everything else is negative at least. I know I haven't been safe but this is driving me insane now because I messed up and was sleeping with 2 of them so close together....& I feel it could be either of them that have given this to me Sept 8 & 9th and my first "outbreak" being on Sept 14th (since that would make the most sense ..5/6 days later, both unprotected) 

SO ....guy 1 I called and had a talk with. I said I want you to know I got checked I have a spot there and I am positive ect ect and he said he will now get tested and that he has no symptoms. (I'll never know if this is true or not, but he did not deny he has another partner(s) ....

I am on the fence about if I should talk to guy2 or not ... someone gave it to me and truly they don't know or someone isn't going to the Dr and taking care of themselves..

OR could it be the guy that ghosted and is acting all weird? The night I ran into him I texted him and said hey it was nice seeing you but I'm not sure what happened here...( he didn't respond) SO did he find out and give it to me and is now not responding? I have no idea and probably never will. 

I know in these situations it's very hard to pinpoint who and when. I've been obsessing and it's been consuming my life. My BIG question is and I really hope someone can shed some light...

COULD IT BE POSSIBLE if....guy2 gave it to me on Friday (he would have to have an active outbreak or be in the phase to pass it on to me right?) & nothing showed up on me yet and Saturday when I saw guy1 I truly couldn't have spread it to him because it had only been 24 hours since being in contact with maybe the one that spread it? Idk if that's how that works or not......but I don't want to have to talk to guy2 if truly I got it the next day Saturday from guy1. 

I'm sorry this is so confusing and a mess I just am really trying to narrow this down. In the end I guess it doesn't matter. I have it. And someone didn't tell me or doesn't know or whatever the case. Guy1 (the only one I told) said he's going to get tested and he feels awful. OK but if it's new, his blood work will probably come back negative because mine did. And if he has no infection then will I know it wasn't him? 😟🤯 Help...please...

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So I know that a good portion of the population has Herpes and don't actually know it because they could be asymptomatic.  Asymptomatic shedding can occur at any time.  I don't think there is really a way to know if the spreading of this virus can occur that fast.  It sounds impossible but at the end of the day, anything is possible since it was unprotected sex.   There is a possibility that all people involved don't know whether they are positive with HSV2 or not.   There is also a possibility that you could of had this from years ago and just now having an outbreak.   I know that I was tested positive for HSV1 in 2015 and didn't have my first outbreak until 2022.  

I wouldn't worry about it too much as to where you got it from because there are sooo many possibilities.  I know it can be frustrating and not knowing can drive you crazy.   I also think that disclosing to your partners is important because they also have a choice in whether or not they want to take those risks with their sexual health. 

I hope that was somewhat helpful 🙂 

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Hey there, @sunshine367!

No worries, no judgment here. This is a safe space to share, and it takes a lot of courage to share as you have. So kudos to you.

I can totally understand how this situation can feel incredibly confusing and frustrating. First and foremost, remember that you're not alone in dealing with this. Many people have faced similar uncertainties when it comes to herpes, and it can indeed be a puzzle.

As @AlliKat12 mentioned, herpes can sometimes be asymptomatic, meaning people may carry the virus without even knowing it. This adds an extra layer of complexity to figuring out the source of infection. It's also possible for the virus to remain dormant for years and then manifest with symptoms much later.

In your situation, considering the close timeline between your encounters, it might seem like a rapid transmission, but the reality is that herpes transmission dynamics can be unpredictable. Asymptomatic shedding can occur at any time, making it challenging to pinpoint the exact moment of transmission.

The most important steps now are to focus on your health and well-being and to disclose your diagnosis to any current or future partners. Knowledge and open communication are key to informed decisions regarding sexual health. The H Opp ebook will help get you kickstarted on how to disclose in a different, connecting way: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Remember, this virus doesn't define you, and with time, you'll gain more clarity about your own situation. In the meantime, try not to get too caught up in the "whodunit" aspect of this puzzle, as it may remain unsolved. What's essential is that you're taking proactive steps to manage your health and make responsible choices in your intimate relationships.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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