New crush.. part vent/part advice request

[laketodo]

Hi H opp group.. 

I met someone last night through friends and I think he's really cute. Total sparks. Word on the street he's not looking for anything serious, and I have no problem with that right now -- but it just sucks. I'd slide into his DMs right now, but because of my circumstances, I know that there's a noninsignificant that i'm getting rejected if I put myself out there over something SO stupid, while meanwhile revealing my status to someone who knows my friends socially. And that makes me feel really uncomfortable. 

 

In the past, I've always thought of it like this - i need to date someone who I really like/likes me so i can reveal this to them and we can get on with life, and hopefully grow a relationship. Now I'm open to being a little more casual but I have no idea how to do this with this situation. Any advice? Im a woman btw. 

[mr_hopp]

Hey there!

I totally get where you're coming from. Meeting someone new and feeling that spark is exciting, but I understand why it might also feel a bit daunting given your herpes status. Remember, you're not alone in this, and many people navigate similar situations successfully.

So, about this new guy – it's great that you're open to exploring something more casual. When it comes to sharing about herpes, it's more about determining if you can first trust this guy first, then finding the right moment than rushing into it. (My response to "when do I disclose?" is "When you can trust this person with your vulnerability.") You don't have to bring it up right away. Build a bit of a connection and trust first, then find a comfortable way to talk about it when you feel it's heading towards intimacy.

If you're worried about privacy, especially since he's in your social circle, it's okay to tell him that this is a personal thing and you'd appreciate his discretion. Most people will respect that. Trust your gut.

Dealing with potential rejection is tough, no doubt. But it's part of dating (with or without the herps!), and if someone decides it's a deal-breaker, it's more about their comfort level than anything about you personally. You're still the same great person, with or without herpes.

And hey, focus on enjoying getting to know him and having fun with it. If things move forward, just chat about safe practices – it shows you're responsible and care about both your well-being. 

Remember, you deserve to have a happy and fulfilling dating life, just like anyone else, right?

Hope this helps, and fingers crossed for some fun times ahead with your crush!