Help

[Leaf in the wind]

I was having UTI symptoms but my urine tests always came back negative. So my primary doc tested me for everything and I came back positive for genital herpes. I have several doctors telling me I have genital herpes and then some others saying I have oral. Oral runs in my family. But now I have the ER nurse saying that if it was oral then it would show up as that. 
 

I am asexual and I never want kids so I always make my partners use condoms. We’re always safe. The only thing I can think of to how I got this is when I was raped in college. I don’t want to tell my family. I already had an uncomfortable conversation with my boyfriend and he’s freaking out because he’s never heard of this before. I never had a breakout in my vaginal area. No legions no anything. I did have a cold sore once. 
 

I am just freaking out and spent most of the day crying and feeling like garbage because society has that terrible way of making anyone feel like trash with this diagnosis.

Advice would be extraordinarily helpful.

[montereypop]

Hello there! Sorry to hear that you are feeling bad, HSV can make you feel really bad sometimes... 

Anyways, wouldn't a cold sore suggest that your Herpes is in fact oral? I'm not sure about how to interpret what your doctors said, but you having cold sores (even if only once) would suggest that you have the oral variant. Of course its possible that you have asymptomatic genital herpes too, though my experience is that genital herpes does like to make you aware of its presence... 

Also, it is possible to transmit oral herpes to genital areas. I don't think transmission its statistically as common as genital to genital, but nevertheless possible and something to consider in the future. 

Good luck!

[mr_hopp]

Hey @Leaf in the wind,

It's totally okay to feel all mixed up right now. Cold sores mean you probably have oral herpes, which tons of folks have, even if it just showed up once. Genital herpes usually gives you more noticeable signs, but not always.

The important thing to remember is that herpes, whether it's oral or genital, is just a skin condition, not a measure of you as a person. You're still the awesome you, no matter what! Yes, our society does tend to reinforce the unfortunate stigma, but if you can not believe the hype yourself, then society's stigma washes over you like water off a duck's back. Here's a video about becoming Stigma Bulletproof that might help: 

 

For your boyfriend, just give him some time and maybe share some easy-to-digest info on herpes. It's a lot to take in if it's new to him. It's important to understand all the facts first, so download this free e-book and handouts for a quick primer: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

And about the past, I'm so sorry that happened. Just remember, you're not alone, and you don't have to share anything with your family until you're ready, if ever.

Take it one step at a time, okay? You're not trash, not at all. You're a leaf in the wind! And you'll find your way through this. Keep your head up! 💚

Big virtual hugs! 🤗