My Story

[Wyltk3127]

About a week before I turned 21, I was diagnosed with HSV-2.  This changed the path of my life dramatically. The number of partners I had at that point was small so I did tell them but no one admitted to having it and I’m not sure if any got tested. Obviously, lesson learned the hard way. I was devestated but kept it to myself because I knew all of the stigmas that come with it. 
 

That is how I found myself with my ex (father of my children). Obviously we were not always protected. He knew of course but was the first man to accept me and the diagnosis since I had found out. It was not a great relationship and ended after a few years. I am now 38 with 2 beautiful teenagers. 
 

I did get a titer done a few years ago because I never had more than the initial outbreak and it was confirmed that I did in fact have HSV-2. I did date when the kids were much younger and I had sort of gotten used to having the discussion with potential partners but my self esteem has not really rose back up to pre 21 year old self. 
 

I have recently decided to start dating again and I did have “the” conversation and it was horrible. He didn’t ask questions just said we could still be friends. I respect his decision and I get it.  We had talked on and off since 2016, had the conversation with him at that point too and it went the same way so this was not a surprise at all. I will tell you, I have not cried in YEARS until that night. I couldn’t stop. I forgot how hard the conversation was. 
 

I have met someone else who was educated on it and knows the precautions to take but-online dating (that has changed a lot too since I’ve done this). I do feel like the men that are worth the time won’t accept it and the men who accept it aren’t worth the time but I also know that is probably more in my head and I’m trying to work through it. 
 

I would never date anyone without telling them first. I had my choice taken away and I will not do that to anyone else. 
 

Does anyone have recent experiences or advice for how to have the conversation or when especially in regards to online dating? I have pretty much sworn off men for the last 8-9 years to focus on school, kids and work so just the dating piece is hard without the added stress. 

[mr_hopp]

Hi @Wyltk3127!

Thanks for sharing your story. It’s clear you’ve been through a lot, but it’s great you’re ready to start dating again.

Here's what I always say about timing: Disclose when you feel you can trust this person with your vulnerability. Bring up the conversation when things start getting serious but before any intimacy. This builds trust and honesty in your relationship.

Be calm and confident. Explain that HSV-2 is common and manageable. Share how you handle it and the precautions you take. Your vulnerability and acceptance of yourself are key. The more okay you are with it, the more okay they will be, too. It's just an annoying skin condition after all. The stigma is inflated, largely for big pharma’s benefit. You approaching this conversation with self-acceptance is a stigma-killer. Stigma be gone! Have you read the ebook yet? That and the free handouts are super helpful in building a bulletproof perspective on this. You can get them free here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

And about online dating, yes, some people choose to mention HSV-2 in their profile, which filters out those who can’t accept it. However, for me, this puts too much weight on it. Letting people know once they know you as a person feels best. Because not all things are meant to be put on a dating profile upfront. People need to earn vulnerability. It's funny you say about men not being worth your time will accept it and vice versa. I've actually found just the opposite. You don't need to lower your standards because of herpes; you get to raise your standards! People who haven't been through challenging things in their lives might see herpes as a superficial thing that they can judge and reject you about, but those people who have depth and have known true challenges in their lives tend to see a disclosure as something that reveals all of the good qualities of you, so not that you are some diseased, pitiful thing, but that you are a courageous, trustworthy woman who is willing to have tough conversations in service of a great relationship. 

In short, don’t let a few bad experiences deter you. Stay positive and keep moving forward!

[mr_hopp]

@Wyltk3127 — Just making sure you got pinged about this? The forums were acting funky yesterday, but it seems to have been fixed now. 

[Wyltk3127]

@mr_hopp thank you for your reply. It’s making me start to see things in a different light. I will have to check out the ebook! Thank you for letting me know about it. It is different (in a good way) to have other people who understand and can offer support.

[mr_hopp]

Yes! Awesome! 👏