I've had herpes for 7 years now and I still can't come to terms with it

[Xtina420]

My first herpes outbreak was 7 years ago! It was devastating to me. At the time I was with my now Fiancée for 4 years. I knew from how bad the outbreak was that it was herpes. The doctor confirmed with a swab test I had Hsv 1 on my genitals. I never told my partner because I was too embarrassed. The herpes cleared up and I never got another outbreak until last year. I was in denial and went to the doctors where they swabbed it and sure enough it was Hsv 1. I then told my fiancée. He was so understanding about it and said that it didn't change the way he felt about me at all. It was nice to know he was so understanding about it. That outbreak cleared up and I didn't get another outbreak until July of this year. I figured, ok once a year isn't that bad, I can deal with this. But now, every month since July I get an outbreak. It's very mild and clears up in 5 days of less but I feel so alone, devastated and depressed each time I get an outbreak. I know my fiancée wouldn't care but I don't tell him i have an outbreak, I just ride it out alone. I lie and tell him I'm just not in the mood for sex so I don't spread the virus to him. I take valtrex when I get an outbreak but stop it once hit clears up. I'm having an outbreak now and I literally haven't left my bed all day. I'm balling my eyes out as I type right now. I just don't know how to move past the fact that I have herpes. Every tingle or weird sensation i have I have to look to make sure I don't have an outbreak. This will be my forth one of this year. Every day I don't have an outbreak I still think about herpes. It's literally driving me crazy. I've read so much on this forum and the handouts about herpes and how it's really not a big deal, I personally just want to get over it and accept it. I have the support from my fiancée and I still can't move past this. I went 5 years without an outbreak now it's every month. I'm thinking about suppressive therapy but I hate the fact of taking a pill every day. Any advice about how to move past this would be helpful. I can't believe I wasted an entire beautiful Sunday in bed, crying over this stupid soar on my vagina.

[WCSDancer2010]

Xtina:

 

First - welcome to the Forum. and (((HUGS))). Sorry you are having a bad day....I can sooo get your frustration. Do know that you are in the perfect place to share and vent when you are down.

 

My initial reaction is that you have someone right beside you that wants to support you, yet you deny him that ability. Gosh and golly, some of us would kill (or at least maim!) to have someone who accepts us and our "H friend".

 

So why won't you tell him when you have an outbreak? He already knows you have H...you are engaged which means he has committed to you with H. Are you afraid he will change his mind? My gut feeling with this is he is more likely to wonder about his decision to marry you is you are suddenly "unavailable" for no obvious reason for days at a time than he would be if he knew you were having an OB. He loves you exactly as you are... and although he may not have the experience of the OB, I am sure he would be understanding of your pain and frustration if you told him when you have an OB.

 

I'm also wondering if he was tested for Herpes himself. Given the time period of your first OB, there is a good chance you got it from him.... if you both have it, then you would not be in it alone and you wouldn't be having to worry about transmitting to him.

 

Regarding the repeated OB's. Are you under extra stress? Maybe from making Wedding plans (which is one of the most stressful things EVER!). Stress is one of the biggest triggers of Herpes. Personal stress. Hormonal (Periods!) stress. Dietary stressors. Any of them can set off an OB. I'm guessing there is some sort of new stress in your life that is making you continue to break out.

 

I'm not a pill person myself (I'm a Massage Therapist and I really try to live drug free) but I have had times where Western medicine has been able to help me get through a difficult situation ... just because you might go on Valtrex or Acyclovir to suppress the H doesn't mean you are on it for life. It might be worth going on it for 6 months or so (or if you are in a situation that you know will change, like Wedding plans, until that period is over) and see if that allows your body to get control of the virus.

 

Do know that this WILL come to an end - you may be able to pinpoint what is setting you off and change it quickly, or it may just take a short stint on meds. But eventually our bodies DO tend to get it under control.

 

Hope your tomorrow is better. This time of year can be sucky at the best of times (I get Seasonal Affective Disorder because of the low light and use light therapy to help me get through) and having H can be the last straw..... (((HUGS)))

[Xtina420]

Thank you for your response. I honestly don't know why I won't tell him when I'm having an outbreak. He's the most amazing guy I've ever met and he already knows I have it, it's just something I keep to myself for some reason. He actually has never been tested but he has had two outbreaks on his mouth the whole 9 years we've been together. So I'm almost positive he has it too. Just on his mouth not on his genitals like me. My last 3 outbreaks I got exactly 5-6 days after I started my period. So I figured my period was causing me to breakout. October I didn't get an outbreak so I thought I was in the clear I guess till next year. This one that just popped up just came out of the blue. I ended my past period two weeks ago. My stress hasn't been bad at all either. I actually have put wedding plans on hold because I fear that ill set a wedding date and of course ill get an outbreak. The moment I noticed this outbreak I felt like I was getting sick as well and now I have a cold as well as an outbreak.

 

I've been on this forum all day now and I thank you so much for responding back to me. This is the first time I've ever spoke to someone who has herpes as well. It feels good to know I'm not alone. I'm going to try to be more open with my fiancée. It might help me not get so depressed about an outbreak. If I continue to get outbreak every month I really will consider suppressive therapy. Because I went years without an outbreak I didn't think it would come back every month like it has been. I've also learned a lot about certain foods that might cause outbreaks. I have been celebrating with a glass of wine (or two) lately because of the holidays and eating a lot chocolate. Thanks again!

[WCSDancer2010]

Ah - well, then, there's a good chance you got it from him from Oral sex. The "good news" is that it's unlikely you will pass it back to him as he will have antibodies to the virus.

 

I hope you will talk to your fiancee - he deserves to know why you are struggling. Your pain is affecting him and I am sure he wants to be able to support you when you are down.

 

You may need the supressive therapy to get through the Wedding. It's up to you but don't worry that you will be stuck on it for life... sometimes we need a little extra "support" - whether it be from medication or ... our fiancee :)

 

((HUGS)))

[Xtina420]

Thank you so much. >:D<