New & need a little love

[Reality]

I'd like to start off by saying I LOVE this community n thank God I found you:)

 

The long short of my story is.... I am recently divorced married half my life. I contracted H from my current BF who says he didn't know he had it :/. He is the ONLY partner I've had in 20 yrs beside my ex.

 

If you didn't know you had it wouldn't you rush to the dr to be tested and treated? I know I did when things weren't right down there. I was diagnosed about a month ago. SADDDDD day. Scary was and is an understatement. I am still with this guy. Really it's a weird relationship. We've been dating several months but I contracted it 2 mos in. I definitely got it from him because I was tested during my marital separation. He is totally cool with unprotected sex. Not me but I have been having it with him. I know....not good. And I feel really bad about myself for it in addition to all the normal self destructive feelings I am going thru just since the diagnosis.

 

How do I take control of my body again? I am POed at him on the inside for passing this to me n part of me feels like it's the biggest reason I've stayed. He is well....a bit self absorbed, but everyone has faults. I am non confrontational and a people pleaser. Probably what got me in this mess to begin with right?! I wanted to use a condom but allowed him to work his way in...literally...without. Lol. So now I'm contemplating telling him keeping our clothes on for now is our option, but he's a tad obsessed with sex I'm wondering if it would be a deal breaker. Idk. I'm rambling.... I'm in the depression, anger state of this process and trying to learn acceptance. It's tough as u all know. I am on my second outbreak and luckily neither has been terrible except the muscle spasms in my upper legs. 3 sores total. Just looking for some help ladies n gents. I never ever expected to be here. I have always taken great pride in my body and my appearance. Not feeling so pretty or sexy at the moment :((. Feeling a little insane and crazy too. Um did I mention extra emotional, over thinker..... You get the idea.

 

Hope to hear from you all. Could use a shoulder:)

[Xtina420]

It's ok!! I understand where you're coming from. I've had H for seven years now. Each outbreak I fall into a deep depression. I have one right now and on Sunday I didn't get out or bed all day. I started searching the Internet for blogs and came across this one. Hearing other people be so positive about it made me feel better. A lot better actually. We have an annoying skin condition. It doesn't make us dirty or less love able at all! It is what it is. Each day is a new day and we should live it like it was our last, even if we have a soar or two (or three) hanging out down south. I'm sorry you're feeling down but it happens. I'm not 100% ok, maybe it's because I have an active outbreak, but I'm trying to stay positive about it. Just know you're not alone and you're an amazing person!

Xoxo

[WCSDancer2010]

Reality: First ... Welcome. You have found an amazing place to navigate your journey with Herpes.

 

You are FAR from alone in your post-divorce experience. I think a LOT of women who have been married for quite awhile have problems insisting on using a condom. Especially with a man who has likely well practiced in how to break down our defenses. After all the separation and divorce crap all we want is the physical and emotional connection that was missing in our marriage and we often go against our better judgement in search of love. I hear your frustration with yourself over this - I hope you can learn to be forgiving and gentle with yourself over time. We all make errors of judgment at some time or other. It's part of being human ;)

 

And btw, go back and read your post - what *I* read was you making excuses for his poor behavior.....I think you REALLY know where this relationship is going. One thing H will do for you - it helps you to sort the wheat from the chaff - the REAL men from the assholes. So is this a man you can really feel wants to be with you for all the right reasons? Perhaps the "keep the clothes on" test will give you your answer ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Reality]

Wow! Thank you both so much!

Dancer....you hit home....yes I just wanted that connection n obviously he was experienced in getting "his" way. He swept me off my feet n said ALL the right things. Today WILL be the TEST. I gotta stick to my guns as hard as it will be....we will see just how much he REALLY cares about me vs his OWN personal needs ❤️ Thank uu