My herpes story (HSV 1)

[stamatia]

Just wanted to share my story and get a couple of questions answered. A week ago I was diagnosed with HSV 1, which is my second STD (how lucky am I, huh?) and I don't sleep around or something. I'm also positive for high risk HPV, after laser surgery in February at which they removed all abnormal cells from my cervix, virus still hasn't go dormant. So back to herpes and how I got it. Basically, I was just super unlucky. I got it from a guy, whom I've known for years and since we always liked each other, were attracted to each other, we occasionally slept together. We used a condom, but because he had wounded lip from playing saxophone and because his immune system was low (he got ill the following day) and he had oral herpes before - though didn't show any signs of outbreak at that point, so when he performed oral sex on me, he passed the virus to me. Few days later I noticed a bump on my vagina, but I thought that's just an ingrown zit. A couple of days later even more bumps appeared, that's when I heard an alarm in my head. I went to my gynaecologist, she confirmed herpes and put me on Valtrex and Virulex cream. I guess my first outbreak wasn't as bad as I read with some other people. I had a slight fever, body ache and swollen glands. But only for one evening, well swollen glands lasted for few days. It did hurt for a couple of days, but not too much, only while urinating and whenever I took a shower, when I had to wash my vagina. The feeling of all bumps was just grotesque to me, everytime I put cream on I went eeeek. "What have I done to my pretty pink butterfly???", was in my head all the time. Also I don' think my blisters broke, is that possible? They just withdrew. Now, after a week, the condition is a lot better. Only small redish spots are seen on my vagina and it's still a bit sensitive.

 

How I felt when I realized I have herpes. I was in shock, I asked myself what else will I "catch"??? Basically said OH MY GOD in every language I know. And of course what will happen with my sex life now, esp. for someone who absolutely LOVE sex. I'm still worried about that. I know myself and I know that from now on everytime I will have sex, I'm going to worry all the time if I will pass it to my partner. Does that mean the end of oral sex or what? It's not going to be the old me ever again. I know I will panic for every itch I get down there. This is why I want to go on suppressive therapy for the rest of my life as I'm terrified I will pass it to someone else. And the funny thing is I'm not angry at guy, how is that possible?! I know that blaming him won't help me at all, it won't go back in time and fix it and change the events. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I know now that I took my health for granted and I know now I will have to be extra cautious about my immune system (along with my vitamins, I've also started drinking noni juice). Honestly, I'm maybe weird, but I haven't had a cry about herpes thing until now when I wrote this. And I'm a huge cry baby :)

I'm really happy I found this forum, so I can read all the stories, can feel with people who go through the same and I found so many useful info, because quite frankly I didn't have a clue about genital herpes before, I just knew it was one of the STDs. Many, many hugs to all of you :*

[WCSDancer2010]

stamatia : Welcome! So glad you found us. This is a great community and we are here for you!

 

So good to hear your mostly positive outlook ..... especially not placing blame on the guy...because *most* people get it from someone who either didn't know they had it or was clueless about the ability of a "cold sore" to get transferred from the mouth to "down south" ;P .

 

I've had it most of my life (from a time when no one blinked if you had Herpes - and I have your luck except that i got BOTH varieties of H) and I generally just go on supressive therapy if I am in a relationship - especially at the beginning (I really don't like taking drugs so I hope to eventually not have to take them but it will depend on the guy in the long run and I will respect his feelings on the matter)

 

I don't think it's the end of oral sex, just the start of you being more intune with your body and being cautious when either of you have any kind of sore or wound where the virus could be transferred. And given that 80% of the population has Herpes and 80% don't know it ... you likely will be with someone who already has the Oral version :p

 

(((HUGS)))

[stamatia]

Aww, thank you! I love your posts you're so brave and full of hope! i love it!

I was wondering, I read OB can happen during period, I'm always using tampons, but I'm afraid I'll just "push" everything inside. I just can't stand the thought of using pads, esp. when H is boasting down there.

[WCSDancer2010]

I've heard some say they were told not to use tampons, but (being in a generation where we had little info on H) I used tampons all my life and it never caused an issue. Once you have H, the body will develop antibodies to it and that helps to keep you from spreading it to other areas. So as far as I can tell, and have experienced, you should be just fine using tampons :)

[stamatia]

I'm having such bad couple of days. At first I was coping with the fact I got infected ok, but now it's just panic in my head. It smothers me that sex things won't be the same again. What do I have to look out for? No rough sex anymore? I won't be relaxed with constant worry it might be too rough. Now, when my first OB is over and with every itch I'm worrying another OB is on the way. I'm just so angry at sad at the same time I'm not me anymore. For the rest of my life I will have to worry about it. Everytime I will go on summer vacation it will always be in my head it might outbreak again. It's just too much to handle, so many things I need to have on my mind.

[WCSDancer2010]

I've lived with it almost all my life. Yes, you DO need to take care about certain things... disclosing and coming to an agreement about how to protect the other person, being aware of your prodrome symptoms, etc. But otherwise you CAN get back to a pretty normal life.

 

Regarding rough sex... lets just say I've had a few good romps in my life and that was never a problem. You may need to use a little more lube and be a little more aware of your prodrome symptoms but honey, there are lots of other things you can do if you fear an OB is coming on.

 

A little piece of advice: Stop overthinking it. Give yourself time to get used to the way your body deals with it and just go and have a good time with friends. If/when a guy comes along, you deal with it then. Herpes *may* have stopped you from getting something MUCH worse, like HIV or an unwanted pregnancy .. talk about life altering! Now you will slow things down and get to know the person and believe me, that's not a bad thing!

 

Take one day at a time. Really. One day you will look back at this and see that most of the upset was self induced and that it's not half as bad as it seems now..

 

(((HUGS)))