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My ex didn't tell me he had herpes

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An ex of mine DIDN't tell me and gave it to me. It would have been nice to know before I moved in with him and started a fairly long term relationship. I probably still would have dated him had he told me. One of the first things he asked me when we met was did I have any STDs, lol, I was so dumb, if that's not a red flag I don't know what is. He had already been burned and knew it. When I came down with it I got so sick, felt like I had the flu! Luckily an outbreak for me is 1 tiny bump.

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Ah, I'm sorry to hear that happened. This is why disclosing that you have herpes is so vital. (Your ex seems to not have that going for him.) I know how that feels. My ex gave me herpes, too, after cheating on me with her ex. (Passing it down the line, huh?) Can I make one teeny request of you, though? ... Stop calling yourself dumb! Hindsight is 20/20, right? Of COURSE it's easy for us to look back and think "if only" … that herpes-saving time machine would help us out tons.


But now that it's done, you can stop faulting yourself. Ask yourself "What now?" Now you move on, accepting that part that you cannot change. (Look up the serenity prayer for more on this. Good stuff.) Part of the healing process is to get past the denial of what is. We can get in a vicious cycle of blaming ourselves over and over again … but it's not our fault. How were we supposed to know that having sex with that person that time would lead to this? There are risks in every aspect of life, and we learn by doing.


The point is, sometimes shit happens (undoubtedly said by some famous philosopher); but the question is, do we choose to be a victim of our circumstances or to learn from that shit in order to grow and be better people in the meantime?


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  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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