Herppy New Year!

[Serenity17]

On New Years Eve, I began to discover signs of herpes outbreaks; these signs ranged from god-awful pain when I peed to mysterious blisters where NO ONE should ever get them. At first, I wanted to wait a week in hopes that the symptoms would pass but then I couldn’t handle the pain anymore & got myself checked out. Intuition led me to believe that it was EXACTLY what I thought it turned out to be.

 

Within the first few minutes of my exam with my family doctor, she quietly stated ‘this looks like herpes.’ I wouldn’t know for sure that I had it until a week later & in that time I came up with these obscure conclusions of what COULD have happened to cause these symptoms like maybe I was having an allergic reaction because his cats could have been laying on his bed before we had sex & the hair might have gotten in places it shouldn’t have? OR! Or my family had switched to a different laundry detergent? And then I got the official news.

 

I was upset, especially at the boy who had given it to me. We met in high school & have been on and off for the past 5 years. A couple of years ago he mentioned that he had been getting tested weekly for herpes (for his own safety of course) & it had come up negative. At the time I didn’t think too much about it. Okay, the test came up negative! Nothing to worry about…right? So recently I decided to give him another chance and we met up again & he said the same thing, that he had been tested & it was negative AFTER we had already had sex. I believed everything was okay until a few days later when I had my first outbreak…along with some research on the virus & how it mentioned just because the results are negative, doesn’t mean you don’t have it. It just means that the antibodies were inactive at the time of test. And I had only slept w/ one other person who I knew for sure he didn’t have it.

 

I gave this boy (the one who I believe had it) a call & told him of the results & he said that he could get tested if I wanted him to. He didn’t accuse me of giving it to him or seem to worry that there may be a chance he had it too. He told me that he was sorry this has happened to me & he knew “friends” who had it & then said to stay away from him & my secret would be safe.

 

So here I am, stuck with this virus. I grieved for a couple days thinking to myself, I didn’t deserve this. No one does. BUT I thought:

 

“Is there anything I can do to completely get rid of this thing?” No.

 

“Do I have the power to attack this thing as much as I can?” Yes.

 

Life is about the decisions we make. You can A) sit around on your ass moping about how some inconsiderate asshole gave you herpes OR B) you can keep moving forward and live the life you have always wanted. Learn to ride life or life may start to ride you.

 

Some days it is very hard to be optimistic. I remember telling my Dad that maybe I had unknowingly been bitten by a vampire in my sleep & that my body was rejecting the transformation & that’s why I felt like I was dying. BUT just because you have herpes doesn’t mean you cannot strive for the goals and dreams you set out for yourself to aspire. The virus does NOT define you. And! you now have your very own, built-in asshole detector for when you do start dating again. If they leer away from you even after you explained everything…Asshole Detected! I am glad I have the (h)opportunity to try my best to inspire as well as support you & others. I look forward to being inspired by you too!

 

[HerryTheHerp]

Welcome to the team! I think I did the same analysis you did. Can I change it? Nope. Am I mad as heck? Yep. Will that do me any good? Nope. What can I do about it...Look ahead.

 

And, for future reference, start sleeping with garlic and a cross on your nightstand. Better safe than sorry. ;)

[WCSDancer2010]

Serenity17

 

First Welcome! And so good to see someone who has reached such a "positive" outlook so quickly after you were diagnosed. It's so easy to let the stigma and your self-talk to make your imagination run amok.

 

One thing that stands out for me:

 

"he had been getting tested weekly for herpes (for his own safety of course) & it had come up negative."

 

The only people I know that are tested that much for ANY STD are sex workers. Makes me wonder what he was up to, or whether he was suspicious that he had it. :/ Not that it really matters now, eh?

 

And really?

 

He didn’t accuse me of giving it to him or seem to worry that there may be a chance he had it too. He told me that he was sorry this has happened to me & he knew “friends” who had it & then said to stay away from him & my secret would be safe.

 

Uh ... hmmm. Yeah - as you said, Herpes is a great Asshole Detector. I like to say it's your best Wing Man. So you got herpes but you got rid of a jerk that you might have stayed involved with and got something worse. Good riddance of that one.

 

And sooo good that you realize that Herpes does not define you. That can be so hard for some people to understand.

 

Glad to have you on board here.... I can see you are going to fit in REALLY well :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Serenity17]

Thank you both for your support!

 

Herry: I will keep the garlic & cross in mind lol. You're right, the best thing to do right now IS just to look ahead!

 

WCSDancer: I don't think this guy was a sex worker, I think he just slept around & lied to me about it. If we let herpes define us, then we destroy ourselves & deny ourselves the right to happiness as well as the life we have always imagined for us before we had herpes. I'm glad to be apart of the team :)

 

 

[victoriaxxx]

I really really like your mindset.. I really look up to you, because I know it was so hard..

 

I thought the same thing. I am stuck with this.. Might as well make the best of it !

[WCSDancer2010]

LOL - I wasn't saying he was a sex worker - I was actually inferring that he must have been VERY sexually active to need to be tested that much OR he suspected he had been exposed to Herpes :p

 

Welcome aboard :)