Arghh. Was done with men! And then.... out of the blue....

[Orchid49]

I am over 55. I was married for 25 years, and my husband (from whom I caught genital H when we were dating) wanted out. We divorced three years ago, and I swore off men. I don't get outbreaks often, and never even thought about herpes and relationships. Well, suffice it to say, an old friend ALSO divorced after many years of marriage, got in touch via a social network, and we have been having dinners, long talks, etc. for the past month or so. By mutual agreement, taking it very slowly. But it's obvious where things might go. They seem to be heading that direction. The whole thought of having that conversation, which I know needs to be sooner rather than later, is so intimidating. (Do I have to do it in person?? A nice, informative email?? Probably not...) Being this age and experiencing this angst, along with a good bit of giddiness, seems just crazy. This is a very dear man who I believe is looking for a meaningful relationship, but I keep thinking, why would he possibly want to deal with all of this? It is tempting to make some excuse and just walk away. Ideas?

[mr_hopp]

First off, welcome to the site. Second off, yay for giddiness! I don't think it seems just crazy AT ALL. I think it's AWESOME that you're feeling all this! Sounds like nothing but goodness from where I'm sitting. I'm excited just considering what that might feel like for you. Like being a teenager all over again, I imagine. ;)

 

And let me get this straight ... seems like you'd still rather walk away from an exciting and promising relationship (one that makes you giddy even considering it, no less) than to have the herpes talk? Well as scary as you can make that talk seem, it just doesn't seem fair that you should pre-reject yourself like that. Who are you to say that he doesn't want to go deeper into a relationship with you regardless of what you have? What if who you are is more important? Where are you getting that information from? Why are you treating yourself as not enough like that? Why I aughta ... (hug you). ;)

 

Seriously, if you focus on what is making you so giddy about this relationship and less on the part that makes you want to walk away, then herpes disclosure turns out being a way to bring a couple closer, to build trust, to open up and be transparent, vulnerable. Shift your perspective to that part of you that KNOWS you're worth it instead of that part of you that seems to have gotten convinced that your own self-worth is tied to whether herpes is accepted or not. Have you read the e-book yet? If not, I suggest you download it now and read it. All this stuff and more is explained in it. http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

I'm glad you're not done with men (yet). Sounds like there's something promising on the horizon for you. And I'm going to be the self-appointed cheerleader for your giddiness even when you might want to walk. Got it? Cool. ;)

[Orchid49]

I don't have time this morning to respond properly to this amazing reply. Thank you so much. I am trying to move forward in every aspect of my life (at this stage!!) with no fear, and your response reminded me of that plan. No fear. I will download and read the ebook. I have an appointment with my therapist, with whom I have never discussed men, because it was a non-issue for me . The journey continues, with hope and yes....still giddiness. THANK YOU for helping me lose some of the angst.