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Dumped over herpes by a guy with Erectile Dysfunction!


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Well, here I am. I thought I had the beginning of a nice relationship with a new guy.. After about a month, we were going to have sex, and I was insisting on a condom. I knew that I had herpes, and I did not want to disclose it at that time. As time went on, nothing physical happened, because he basically loses his erection with a condom. Well, he went and got tested. I ended up telling him about my condition. It was horrible and I cried. He seemed to come back to me, but he did not call as much. After about a week of seeing him after this disclosure, he told me he did not want to expose himself to "that." and what would he tell the next girl? He is 51 years old, and he can't even get it up to save his life. I have never told anyone about this, because I felt so bad. I feel even worse now. I can't ever tell anyone again, this was so painful. I tried so hard to do the right thing, and I thought he cared for me. I feel terrible now, and I don't know what to do. I tried so hard to do the right thing, and now I feel rejected, dirty and horrible. Please help!

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Hi HurtSexylady,

 

Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you're getting down on yourself quite a bit, huh? Realize it's not YOU that he's rejecting. You did the right thing. Your integrity is strong. Really, herpes is a preference. To some, herpes is a dealbreaker while others take the chance because the reward of the relationship is greater than the simple risk of herpes. It's simply a preference. Just like to some people, dating a smoker is a dealbreaker.

 

What I've found is that disclosure is really important. How you feel about living with herpes gets translated in how you disclose. It sounds like you hold a lot of shame and pain around having herpes. The secret to this whole thing is to LOVE yourself first! The more you can accept and love yourself, the more likely he will accept you ... the more likely he will see you for the beautiful (sexy) lady you are. (Small print: Strong disclosures won't always guarantee that everyone will take the change — nothing can guarantee that, with or without herpes — but it makes sure to not sway their opinion of it to be worse than it actually is.)

 

If you haven't already, check out the post on the two parts to disclosing I have herpes ... and watch the youtube video on disclosure by clicking here.

 

And also consider taking an upcoming herpes opportunity tele-seminar where we actually practice strong disclosures with integrity and honesty.

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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